


The Unexpected Objective Of Making You Fall For Me

by pixihawk



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: (sort of), Canon-Typical Violence, Connor is determined to make Gavin like him, Domestic Fluff, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, Fanart, Gavin Reed Redemption, Hank Anderson & Connor Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Illustrated, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Minor Character Death, Mutual Pining, Panic Attacks, Post-Canon, Post-Pacifist Best Ending (Detroit: Become Human), Protective Hank Anderson, Slow Burn, Unresolved Sexual Tension, some misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-06-29 06:22:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 67,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15723753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pixihawk/pseuds/pixihawk
Summary: During the revolution Cyberlife almost succeeded at controlling Connor and assassinating Markus. Having failed that however, they're desperate to get rid of the evidence. Connor and Hank are forced into hiding, only to find unlikely help in the form of Gavin Reed.After their fight in the archive room there is bound to be some tension between Gavin and Connor. But once it's necessary for them to spend time together, that tension slowly turns into something else entirely...---I wrote the Connor/Gavin slow burn that i wanted to read.





	1. The Catalyst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All that Hank and Connor wanted was some peace and quiet after their hardships, but Cyberlife has other plans for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! 
> 
> This work has been a huge project for the past three weeks and it's mostly finished, though I'm reworking a few things. Nevertheless, you can safely assume that this will get posted in it's entirety, in the pace that I'm going through editing and drawing. I'm aiming at one upload a week at least, more if I can manage it. :) 
> 
> Every chapter has content warnings at the bottom so if you don't want spoilers feel free to ignore, but if you want to know what you're getting into specifically check them out (though there won't be anything worse than what i've put into the tags)! 
> 
> That all being said, thanks for reading and i hope you enjoy!!

 

 

 

 

**November 12th 2038**

With the revolution ending successfully, Connor had expected to feel accomplished and proud, yet the only thing he felt was something weighting heavily on his chest. All of the androids around him were cheering, celebrating, and borderline euphoric, but to him it didn't feel like a victory. The memory of Amanda's voice and her piercing eyes glaring at him made him want to run away and he felt...nauseous. He didn't even have the capacity to be sick as he didn't possess a stomach. But still there it was.

Markus came towards him and embraced him, laughing, thanking him over and over again, yet the words didn't register in his mind. When the other Android let go of him, he forced himself to smile. Everyone wanted to talk to him and people kept asking him things he didn't care about.

Connor took the first opportunity he got to slip away unnoticed, which was a feat in itself, since he inadvertently had become something akin to a celebrity amongst his fellow androids. It felt uncomfortable. He didn't think he liked it at all.

He just wanted to walk away from it all, leave the revolution and all thoughts about it behind.

It wasn't until he saw the neon 'chicken feed' sign that he realized that he hadn't just wandered around aimlessly after leaving. He was exactly where he needed to be.

The moment he saw Hank standing there, breaking out into a smile at the sight of Connor as if he had never doubted he'd show up right there at that exact moment, it felt like the weight was lifted from Connors chest again. His mind began to race; words like _home, family, affection_ repeating over and over until they just formed a warm mess inside him that culminated in the first genuine smile he had ever smiled in his entire life.

_It would going to be alright._

 

 

"So, what happens now?"

The sound of Hanks keys jangling while he searched for them inside his pockets to open the front door to his home - perhaps even _their_ home, Connor found himself daring to hope - pulled the android out of his thoughts. It was already dark outside and the streetlamps only minimally lightened their environment. The whole ride here he hadn't talked, trying to process everything that had transpired that day now that he was finally in a comfortable environment. Save. With Hank.

"I don't know.", he answered truthfully, after thinking on it for a few seconds. Without a mission to complete for the first time. It took his everything not to let anxiety overtake his mind at that prospect. He would manage; Hank would be there to help him along the way. There was so much he had to learn.

Finally Hank seemed to have found the keys.  "Hah!", he exclaimed with a smirk and held them in the air as if he had just won a trophy and was showing it off.

He looked ridiculous and Connor felt a sound bubbling up from somewhere deep inside his body. When it emerged, he realized he was _laughing_. It  was loud and he felt it throughout his whole body, especially in his chest area. A weird, but good feeling. Probably inappropriate, as the situation hadn't been so comical as to warrant such an over the top reaction, so Connor assumed it was probably the whole prospect of him standing here with Hank, about to enter his home, when just a day prior he had taken on a mission with a way tinier success rate than he had led Markus to believe.

"Ah shit, i must've forgotten to lock it when that _asshole_ got me."

Hanks face scrunched up at what was probably a memory of how the other Connor had tricked him. He couldn't blame the other man, he hadn't known at the time that his partner wasn't a unique model.

"Never mind, not like there's anything of value to steal either way. Come in and make yourself at-"

And suddenly a few things happened in quick succession.

Connor didn't have any reason to scan the lock, but he did regardless. Maybe it was something akin to instinct. It didn't even take the fracture of a second between him seeing the results flash in his vision and him stepping forward to get himself between the door and Hank.

Hank hadn't forgotten to lock the door. There were clear signs of someone forcing their way into the house.

"Connor, wha-"

He didn't get to finish exclaiming his confusion when the door was quickly and forcefully opened and a gunshot went off.

The next thing Connor felt was a foreign object lodging itself into his shoulder. The loud explosion so close to his ears momentarily scrambled his hearing and he had to quickly force his senses to not focus on his system screaming warnings at him but instead on the figure aiming their gun at Hank now.

Another gunshot went off, the sound coming through his sound system muffled and weirdly distant. Next thing he heard was Hank cursing, though through the static of his hearing Connor couldn't make out what exactly. He had thrown himself at the attackers arm, throwing off their aim without even consulting his predictive programming. It'd take up too much processing power and in that moment it didn't even truly matter to him. He'd been ready to die for the revolution just a few hours prior and he was definitely ready to die for Hank now. It wasn't desirable, but Connor didn't dare risking even a few seconds of prolonged danger.

His shoulder was sending off warning after warning, but he couldn't care about that right now either.

Their attacker had obviously not expected him to react as he did, as it took only a few precise punches for them to sink to their knees without a sound. A hard kick in the head and their body slumped like a doll. Then one more kick for good measure. And another.

A quick scan of the attacker gave him pause in his continued angry assault. Connors attack wasn't programmed, he was entirely acting on emotion and instinct, so he hadn't had thought about looking at his opponent properly. Something on his HUD drew his attention to it; the result of the attackers body scan. Their attacker wasn't human, but an Android. One with several of its non-vital bio-components missing, as well as a noticeably unstable software.

An RK800.

Another kick in the head and  the other ones plastic skull caved in. It felt sickening as the casing broke and gave in under his foot, his shoes immediately painted in the warm blue blood. Suddenly disgusted with himself, Connor pulled back.

His sound had finished recalibrating itself and the first thing he heard was the lieutenant breathing hard and panicked behind him. Quickly he looked over to where Hank was standing, wide-eyed and staring at the body in front of them. The keys still in his hand which was shaking badly. But a quick scan told Connor that the other man hadn't sustained any physical injury.

"What the fuck?" Hanks curse mirrored Connors thoughts almost exactly.

Quickly he brought up a finger to his lips and shushed the other man however. There might be an accomplice. There was a high probability, considering what he had just learned about their attacker, and they needed to be careful. Thankfully Hank seemed to regain some composure and understood what Connor was trying to tell him. He drew his weapon and motioned that he'd take on circling the house, checking for any more signs of intruders.

As silently as possible Connor entered the home, scanning the surrounding carefully. His good hand automatically reached for his weapon, but something inside of him stopped him from grabbing it just yet, leaving his hand just hovering above the grip.

_Who are you going to turn your weapon on to?_

 It was entirely at odds with himself, but he couldn't think about this at the moment. Not when they were still in danger.

He checked the whole house, starting in Hanks room, then his bathroom, the living room and finally the kitchen. From the few times Connor had been here before he knew that the house was kind of messy and uncared for, reflecting its owners mental state, but now it was completely trashed. The intruder had apparently been going through every cupboard and closet they could find.

No sign of any person still lingering in the house however. None, unless you counted...

"Sumo!"

Connor dropped his defense immediately as he spotted the big dog lying on the kitchen floor, unmoving. He rushed to the animals side. For a moment he felt his Thirium pump going into overdrive, but a quick scan settled his mind again. It appeared their attacker had injected Sumo with a strong anesthetic, but all of his vitals seemed to be alright.

"All clear, Lieutenant!", he called out finally, after making absolutely sure that Sumo was okay and he didn't overlook anything. Still, it didn't do much to help relieve his anxiety.

His response was three gunshots in quick succession and a loud yell.

_Hank._

The sound had come from outside the kitchen window and Connor didn't even think when he bolted towards it. He'd already smashed the glass once, but now wasn't the time to let things like that stop him. He'd prefer risking Hank yelling at him over this to the man dying. Without hesitation he smashed the newly repaired glass, then jumped through the window again, landing on his feet outside a little more graceful than the last time he'd done this.

He quickly orientated himself until he saw the source of the gunshots. He could make out three figures, two androids and one human. Two RK800 units, both in clearly unfinished states.

One android was on the ground, blue blood oozing from a wound in his head. A clean shot that had likely incapacitated it immediately. And next to it there was Hank, holding another android in a chokehold.

The attacker was trying to reach him desperately, kicking and struggling. Connor did a quick scan of both of them to assess the situation. Something inside of him felt significantly lighter as he saw the results pop up on his HUD. Hank was fine, no signs of any trauma. The android however had sustained wounds, two shots to his chest. Right in his Thirium pump.

A helpful timer showed that the attacker was going to shut down in eleven seconds.

His kicks grew more desperate as it reached up to grab Hanks hair, but the Lieutenant simply applied even more pressure to his neck, eliciting an angry mechanical hissing sound. Hank was a capable fighter, but there must've been something wrong with the RK800's combat capabilities if they had been that easily incapacitated.

Five seconds left.

Connor stayed where he was. Hank had this under control and the fight was basically over already.

One second.

A last convulsion went through the androids body before he stilled completely in Hanks hold. He let himself and the body down to the ground, panting heavily, obviously shaken up by what had just happened. He continued to sit there even when Connor came over to him.

"Jesus Christ, i didn't think i'd see you die again today." He sounded winded and there was a weird tone in his voice, like he was trying to make a joke but in a way that he couldn't even laugh about it himself.

"We've got to go, Lieutenant. The attackers weren't alone, and i am certain there will be more. This location has been compromised." Connors words rang hollow and defeated. This wasn't at all how he had wanted this to go. He had wanted nothing more than to return to this safe haven with Hank and celebrate his newfound freedom in peace. But he couldn't allow himself to become overwhelmed and dysfunctional when they were still in danger.

"We should call this in.", he heard Hank say, obviously still deep in thought while staring at the other two 'Connors'.

"The whole city is in the midst of a revolution. The precinct is beyond being over their limit already.  What we need to do is go. Right now."

He hadn't meant to sound as commanding as he did, but it did the trick. Hank seemed to snap out of whatever trance he had been in, finally lifting his gaze from the bodies in front of him. Instead he looked up at Connor and immediately stood up once he noticed something that Connor himself had already forgotten about at this point, even with all the warnings in the corner of his display flashing.

"You fucking idiot." There was no punch behind his words, quite the opposite. Hank said the insult almost fondly. "Don't ever do that again, throwing yourself in front of a bullet for me like that."

"Unlike you, i can be repaired."

"Yeah, that's not the point,so I don't want to hear that. Does that...", he gestured towards the wound. "...require immediate attention?"

Connor quickly ran a diagnostics, then shook his head. The bullet was still lodged in his shoulder, preventing most of the Thirium from leaking out. Any damage sustained was minor and he just needed to get the bullet out for the self-repair to kick in. The attackers aim had obviously been to incapacitate, not kill. That all could wait until they were save however, or at least away from the house, where they'd be located immediately.

"I'm afraid you will have to drive."

Hank snorted, though there was still clear worry in his eyes. "As if i'd let you bleed all over the driver's  seat anyway."

Connor allowed himself to chuckle at that, until he remembered that he'd still have to tell Hank about Sumo. He wasn't going to like that at all.

 

 

"So, will you tell me what the fuck that was all about? Why were not one or two but _three_ evil clones waiting at the door, ready to murder us, for the second time today?"

Connor frowned. He looked over at Hank and saw the other man gripping the steering wheel so tight, his knuckles were turning white. It had been an exhausting day and they were currently on the run with no real plan on what to do next, Connor still being wounded, Sumo unconscious on the back seats and three dead androids in Hanks house. Out of lack of idea for what to do with the bodies, they'd hidden them from view inside. It was probably good to talk about this, but Connor felt like he wasn't going to like any of it.

He had hoped that all of this was going to go away, with him being the only one to know about what had transpired up on that podium.

"It seems Cyberlife is eager to bring me in. Back at Markus speech they..." He stopped. Why was it so hard to say? Because Hank might think differently of him, might think less. Might even be scared. Connor was definitely scared, so it would be even worse for the other man. He hadn't had time to properly think about what the implications were, but there was no way to know if he truly was in control of himself for good. He needed to process all of this, needed to think, needed to...

He felt Hanks eyes on him for a moment, assessing him, before he turned back to look at the road.

"You don't need to tell me all the details right away, kid. Take your time, I just need to know what's going on right now."

Connor could feel some of the tension inside of him loosen at Hanks words. It wasn't like he had expected the other man to probe him, but he had felt at least somewhat of an obligation to be truthful. Hank offering him time to process was definitely more than welcome.

"I suspect they didn't have time to properly plan this attack. They already send another RK800 model back at the tower and probably didn't have time to prepare the three at your home. All three of them showed varying states of being unfinished. I doubt anyone expected the revolution to go the way it did yesterday night, so they likely had to improvise."

He paused for a moment, remembering one of his last encounters with Amanda. _I'm not a unique model, am I?_

"There will be more. The RK800 series was always on standby, in case I'd be destroyed in action. And I'm certain they planned on my manifold destructions. All they need to do is activate them, upload my memory and engage the proper protocols. And I am..." Connor chose his words very carefully. "...in possession of their dirty secrets. As well as knowledge about deviants. Now that they failed to contain the revolution, I doubt they'll just let me walk around with that knowledge and free will. I also doubt that they're already admitting defeat. It's highly probable that they're wanting to extract my memories to find any and all deviant weaknesses they can get their hands on."

"Shit, Connor, what are you saying?" Hank looked tired. They had endured so much over the past days, their relationship originally strained and borderline hostile at times, eventually growing into a genuine friendship. All while trying to keep Detroit from sinking into chaos.

"I'm saying that they have a very small window of time to take me back in. Now that things have been set in motion, Cyberlife will be under serious scrutiny. Markus will do his best to start the peace talks soon. It'd be in their best interest to act now, while everything is still chaotic."

What Connor was saying made a terrible kind of sense. Of course it was just speculation at this point... but the fact that three RK800 models out of all things had been their intended assassins spoke volumes. Cyberlife really must've been desperate.

A silence fell over them after he finished explaining his theory. Both of them had a lot to process. Connor used that pause in their conversation to focus on the wound in his shoulder that still demanded his attention, as the warnings constantly flashing in the corner of his vision had let him known ever since they left the house.

It'd be better to finally get that bullet out. Connor first shrugged off his jacket, then loosened his tie and opened the first few buttons of his dress shirt so he could pull it down over his shoulder. Without stalling for longer after exposing the wound he reached inside of it, trying to grab the intrusive object. He could see Hank scoff at that, but ignored it. It took several tries to properly grab it, as it was covered in Thirium. The bullet had penetrated his casing, but got stuck on its way out.

With one calculated pull he managed to get it out and immediately some Thirium poured from the wound.

"Oh fuck, Connor, I told you to not bleed all over my seats!" Hank sounded disgusted, but Connor could tell that there was still some other emotion as well.  He was worried about him. The warm feeling from before returned.

"Sorry Lieutenant.", he replied with a hint of humor in his voice. "Won't happen again."

Finally he could engage the repair protocol. The entrance point of the bullet was small enough and no vital bio-components had been damaged. A tube had been ruptured, but his self-repair should be able to take care of it before most of the fluid started leaking inside of him. The important part was that he'd be able to fully heal without having to turn in to Cyberlife, though it still made him question what'd happen to him should he require more serious repair.

"What are we going to do now...?" The question came out sounding more uncertain than he'd intended.

"I don't know. We need to hide, somewhere that Cyberlife won't suspect us. We need supplies, weapons. Shit." Hank sighed, his head falling back slightly and he looked like he was deep in thoughts. "Should've taken more from back home, I couldn't think straight at that moment."

"Is there anyone we can trust?", Connor asked, already silently calculating possible options and their success chance. It didn't look good.

"Markus? We could go back to their camp, hide amongst them and help them rebuild-"

"NO!"

Hank whipped his head around, visibly surprised by Connors sudden protest. The android was experiencing an emotion that he could only describe as horror. What had happened back there had him shaken up and worried in a way that Hank couldn't possibly understand. Surely he had been alarmed and scared before, especially when they were back at the station, planning to break into the archive room as a last resort before he'd inevitably be decommissioned. Or when he had fought off his other self to protect Hank, potentially compromising the entire revolution. But this...it ran deeper. That entire situation had frightened him down to his core. He was glad that Hank seemed to hold enough respect for him to not try and pry it out of him. Maybe he could come around to eventually confide in his friend, but not yet. Even if he saw how much his behavior was worrying the other man.

"I apologize, Hank. I didn't mean to lash out at you." Connors voice was softer now, made uncomfortable by his sudden display of emotions. "I don't want to endanger any more Androids. Markus has enough on his mind to not also have to deal with providing protection against Cyberlife assassins. Plus...", he added, clearly disturbed with the thought he was about to voice. "...amongst fellow Androids it'd be easier to hide another attacker, especially in the current chaos."

That appeared to make sense to Hank, even if he didn't like it. Connor had told him a lot about Markus and he'd been able to witness his protests on TV, so Hank knew that he was a good leader. Gentle yet firm and always looking out for the smallest of his people. It inspired a sense of respect, regardless of whether someone had been able to meet him in person or not.

That still left them with the question of where to go however.

Hank had been somewhat of a hermit over the past few years and Connor doubted that he had many social contacts outside of work if at all. He definitely was somewhat of an introvert, preferring to be on his own most of the time. From their conversations Connor knew that even before Cole's death the man had mainly focused his attention on his family. 

"We could go hide at Chris' place. Ever since his encounter with Markus he's come around regarding his views of Androids and their humanity. He's been remarkably vocal about his support of the movement and you in particular." Hank chuckled. "One time he started gushing about what a great Detective you are. It was-"

"No."

Connor felt grim at the counterargument he was about to voice and he could tell Hank had noticed it.

"You know that Chris has a kid."

If they were discovered hiding at Chris' place, they'd expose a child to that same danger they were in. And especially Hank would rather let Cyberlife get him right then and there before he'd let that happen. No, they needed to go somewhere save, but not at that high of a cost.

Hank grunted in frustration. "Ben has a wife and two kids as well. Shit."

"I've thought about contacting Captain Fowler...", Connor started, but his tone already betrayed that this thought wasn't productive either. "...however he may be too tied up with the FBI."

 _And the FBI is too tied up with Cyberlife,_ stayed left unsaid.

By now they had driven several miles away from Hanks home. The streets of Detroit were hauntingly empty aside from several abandoned military barricades, a grim reminder that while the president had ordered their retreat, the humans could at any point resume their defense. The nation was in shock right now. Even though the president had ordered an immediate evacuation, it'd take time for the chaos to calm down. It would take even longer for everything to return back to normal, but Connor couldn't think about that right now, his mind feeling strangely chaotic and empty at the same time.

When he had turned deviant it wasn't like his feelings had suddenly kicked in like you'd flipped a switch. If he was entirely honest with himself, nothing had changed dramatically. There was just...more, now. And less restriction, no warnings clouding his visions, reminding him of his mission. It'd take some time to get used to that overstimulation of both thoughts and emotion as well as the lack of direction. He'd always known that deviants were often overwhelmed by their emotions, but to experience it firsthand was different from what he could've imagined. 

There was a pop-up displaying on his HUD, informing him that the wound was healing fine. That was a positive message for once.

Suddenly his thoughts were interrupted by Hanks voice once again. It sounded strained, like he was pushing himself to get out the words.

"Listen kid, i have an idea of where to go. But you're not going to like it."

 

 

**November 13th 2038**

For the second time that day a gun greeted Hank and Connor as the door to Gavin Reeds apartment swung open abruptly. This time however they were prepared and Hank had his own weapon drawn. They didn't have any room to try this the polite way, Hank had said. Remembering how Reed had pointed his gun at Connor back in the archive room, ready to kill, he didn't protest. This was a terrible idea.

"Alright, i don't care who you think you are but it's the middle of the night and if you don't leave me the fuck alone, i'll kick your fucking head in and-" 

Connor ran a quick scan of the man in front of them.

Detective Reed appeared to be in his sleeping clothes, wearing an old band shirt with the words barely visible anymore, as well as simple grey sweatpants. He was holding up his gun in front of him, pointing it angrily in their faces. However it appeared that he hadn't even disengaged the safety, either because of tiredness and confusion, or because he only indented to intimidate whoever came ringing his door bell in the middle of the night.

Connor also noted what appeared to be heavy bruising in his face, one big bruise on his cheek and another on the side of his neck. His memory bank quickly supplied him with the probable cause, as a file was pulled up from the depths of his mind. It was him hitting the other man in the neck to incapacitate him during their fight back in the archive room a little more than three days ago, as well as the Detective smashing his face on the ground afterwards.

He also noticed him holding himself slightly off-balanced and tensed, as if he was in pain. Another file was pulled up in Connors mind and he remembered himself kicking Detective Reeds leg hard enough to cause damage. He had fought as if his life depended on it, desperately trying to incapacitate his attacker so he could go on with finding Jericho and subsequently the revolution.

It was easy to miss due to the purple discoloration of his cheek, but he also had dark circles under his eyes. He'd always had those, even back when they were still at work, but despite being on leave, they appeared to have worsened considerably.

He quickly analyzed the best path to disarm Reed without causing any more lasting damage. It seemed that he had already taken enough of a beating and while Connor couldn't say that he particularly cared about the well-being of the guy, he also took no joy in bringing pain, particularly not once he remembered how his anger and fear had taken over once already tonight, resulting in the RK800's death. That wasn't something he wanted to experience again anytime soon.

"What the hell are you two assholes-"

The moment Reed recognized them was enough to throw him off so much that he let down his guard and lowered his gun slightly. That was the moment Connor had been waiting for.

He stepped forward quickly and with just a few calculated movements he was now holding Reed's gun,  releasing the magazine as the other man stared at him dumbfounded. Before he could even say anything, Connors scanner picked up the severely elevated heartbeat, shallow breathing and his body tensing up even worse than before. Clear signs of fear. But instead of observing the gun that Hank was actually still pointing at him, he was staring right at Connors face.

He was scared of _him_.

"Detective Reed, we apologize for bothering you at this late hour, but -", Connor started, trying to sound reassuring. If his shouting hadn't already woken up a neighbor, Reed suffering a panic attack doubtlessly would and they needed to be as discrete as possible if they wanted to be inconspicuous. However before he could finish, Hank interrupted him.

"Listen you're the last person either of us wanted to see right now, but the situation is pretty fucking dire. So you can let us in voluntarily, or we can make this into even more of a spectacle."

So much for reassurance. But there was a reason Connor was the negotiator out of the two of them.

It snapped Reed out of whatever thoughts were running through his head, as he finally broke eye contact with the android and looked over at Hank skeptically.

"Jesus Anderson, you look like shit. Found out fraternizing with the plastics isn't that great after all, or what?"

Even with a gun trained on him and being visibly anxious, Reed apparently couldn't help himself from trying to rile up the people who were threatening him. Connor didn't know if that was a comforting thought, to know that the Detective wasn't just insufferable towards him, but to everyone.

"Whatever you say, Reed; now let us in. You're not deaf, right? I'm not gonna ask again."

For a moment it looked like he was going to protest more, but then he finally stepped aside to let them into the apartment. Connor felt relief washing over him, like a knot inside his chest had been finally pulled freed. It was a good sign, the first step taken towards reasoning with the other man.

Connor stepped inside the home first, quickly scanning his surrounding area. They stood in the midst of Reed's living room, which blended seamlessly into the kitchen. Not much space overall. He could make out two doors in the back, likely leading to a bedroom and a bathroom respectively. There was a faint smell of cigarette smoke but nothing recent. Likely an ex-smoker.

The apartment was surprisingly tidy. Judging by his character and obvious anger issues, Connor had expected it to be even worse than the Lieutenants house. Most of the furniture seemed old and mismatched however, like they'd been acquired over a long span of time without any sort of plan.

Decorations were sparse and something was missing from the space that Connor couldn't quite put his finger on, until he remembered Hank's place. There were no photos of family and friends here either. The only real messy part of the home was a trash can in the kitchen, stacked with empty takeout boxes. He briefly wondered if eating unhealthily was a prerequisite to working at the precinct.

To his surprise Connor also noticed that it appeared prior to their entry Reed had been lying on his couch, not in his bed, as evidenced by the indentions of the couch cushions and a blanket draped over them. The TV was running but muted, some news station showing an analysis of the occurrences just a day prior. It already felt like it had been weeks ago and just to be certain Connor ran a quick system check, to see if his inner timer was faulty. It came up fine.

What did come up however was a notification warning him about his low Thirium count. While he hadn't had lost much because of the gunshot itself, repairing the wound had burned through most of his supplies that were left. And the count had already been low for the past few days with all the hits he'd been taking. He'd have to take care of that very soon. By his calculation and under the assumption that he wasn't shot again soon, he'd have about a week left to run his system comfortably.

Hank stepped into the room after Connor, his gun still trained on Reed, watching him as he closed the front door and locked it. It was mostly a power play situation, Connor reasoned. Of course the other man could easily attempt to disarm Hank, they were both trained police men after all and considering how close he stood he'd have a reasonable good chance at success, but then he'd also have to fight off Connor. And considering his reaction at the sight of the android, he'd be unlikely to take that risk willingly.

"You pricks are aware that this is illegal, right? Threatening an officer at gunpoint, breaking and entering..."

"Oh cut the crap Reed, if you're able to find any officer who doesn't have his hands full with the fallout from the fucking civil war going on outside then you're welcome to arrest us. Besides..." Hanks lips turned up slightly, clearly not taking any of the other mans threats serious. "...Neither of us have a record of strictly sticking to protocol. Consider this the favor you owe me."

Reed snorted, though he didn't seem amused in the slightest.

"Got anything to drink? I'm over this fucking night.", Hank switched topics like the discussion was done with.

There was another stab at Hank clearly on Gavin's lips, but before he could vocalize it he seemed to reconsider. Connor felt his eyes flicker towards him for just a moment, lingering on the fading but still clearly visible Thirium on his jacket. There clearly was a question on his mind, though he didn't comment on it.

"Yeah, in the fridge, knock yourself out I guess. I don't give a shit, make yourself at home." He obviously still did _give a shit_ as his words were laced with thinly veiled sarcasm, but at least he wasn't openly hostile for the moment. Connor considered that another good sign. He also considered to tell Hank off, but found that after everything that happened tonight, he couldn't deny the Lieutenant his unhealthy coping mechanism just this once.

Hank finally lowered his gun as he stalked off over to the fridge. A heavy silence fell over the room as he popped open some bottle and then rummaged the cupboards in search of glasses. But Connor didn't focus on that, instead noticing that Reed was once again gawking at him with a mixture of aggression and nausea. He looked like he was ready to throw up any minute.

They were standing several feet apart from each other, Connor in the midst of the living room and Reed still close to the door. If Connors sensors didn't know better, he'd have said that the air in the room felt charged.

"I apologize for the, ah..." Connor finally breached the silence. He felt awkward, gesturing towards Reed's face, uncertain of how to go about bringing up that particular topic. While he was aware that he didn't owe any explanation or apology, as the Detective had been the aggressor in the situation, there was still something inside of his mind urging him to do it. It could've just been his programmed personality, but maybe there was more to it than that. More for Connor to figure out in the near future.

"Stuff it. Don't you fucking dare mention that shit."

His apology was quickly shut down regardless.

Connor shut his mouth, not wanting to start another argument. Not that it seemed to ever work in his favor either way. In the past he had tried to be friendly and then avoidant, both of which seemed to set Gavin off. Sometimes he couldn't help but draw parallels to the beginning of his relationship with Hank, just in a more extreme form. Maybe one day he'd be able to understand how to approach him to turn their relationship around as well, no matter how unlikely.

Hank might seem to have no problem fighting with the Detective, but if they truly were to make this their hideout until they could work on a better plan, Connor realized it'd be better to play nice. They were capable of forcing him to cooperate. Nevertheless he found that he'd prefer a more peaceful compromise. Maybe Markus had rubbed off on him somewhat. Or maybe it was the fact that he'd been build for exactly that, negotiating.

 _But that's not all you were build for, isn't it?_ A voice resounded in his mind and it sounded dangerously like Amanda. Connor quickly shook his head, trying to get rid of it.

Hank returned to them with two glasses in each of his hands, walking past Connor and towards Gavin. A quick scan showed Connor that the content of the glasses was pure Vodka. There was some curiosity on his mind, but he pushed down the urge to ask for a sample. It didn't seem like a good thing to ask right now. He couldn't help but smirk slightly at that thought process though, realizing that it meant his capabilities to read the atmosphere between humans had improved by a large margin.

"I can't believe this is the only somewhat worthwhile shit you've got.", Hank scoffed as he handed one of the glasses over to Reed.

"Well, we can't all be dysfunctional alcoholics." And with that Gavin downed his drink in one go.

Another silence fell over them. It occurred to Connor, that the three of them had never been alone in the same room together and neither of them was particularly skilled at social interactions.

Out of loss for what to do about that, he ran another scan of both men in front of him. Maybe it was something a human would describe as a 'nervous tick'. Something to occupy his mind so he wouldn't give in to anxiety, but also to compensate for the fact that he didn't have his coin with him any longer. It had been missing since he'd last went to see Hank before departing to Jericho. He wanted to ask Hank for a replacement, but it wouldn't be the same.

Gavin seemed to have calmed down somewhat, the alcohol undoubtedly helping. His breathing and heartbeat were almost back to a normal level. It was reasonable, considering his tired body could probably not keep up the physical signs of anxiety for much longer. However he appeared to still be considerably tense, like one wrong word would be enough to set him off. Not that he ever appeared any differently.

Hank's scan came up similar. He was tense and his heartbeat slightly elevated. Having three assassins await him in his own home could be considered a traumatic event and Connor made sure to set himself a reminder to talk to the Lieutenant about it eventually. He paused for a moment as he registered a thought that told him he'd need to talk about all of this himself, desperately. He added it as another note, finding that deciding to deal with it later and setting that reminder for it immediately took some of his own stress off.

Intense Emotions were stressful and he still needed to get used to them.

Maybe he'd even tell Hank about Amanda. The thought alone however made his stress level jump by almost 30% again though, so Connor quickly dismissed it. Clearly not the right time yet.

"We'll need to get Sumo up here.", Hank suddenly said, as if he'd just remembered the big dog unconscious in his car. "He'll probably awaken any minute now and the poor guy will be terribly confused."

"Woah, hold on a second asshole, you can't bring a dog up here just like that!", Reed interrupted, the fight back in him all of a sudden. "I've got a cat around and if you think I'm going to let that fucking murder machine greet him once he returns home, you're sadly mistaken!"

Connor found himself unable to stop from visibly beaming at the mention of said cat. So far he hadn't had a chance to properly pet any cat yet, something he had at one point confessed to Hank in such a sad voice that it had made the other man want to just throw him into his car and drive to the nearest shelter. And he probably would've, if Captain Fowler hadn't called them into his office at that moment, burying them in a case once again. Nevertheless, the prospect was so exciting to Connor, that he momentarily forgot to think about whose pet he was so eager to meet. However that mood didn't last long, as something crossed his mind.

"I don't care about your stupid dog, Anderson, and he's not setting one paw into my home!"

"How long has your cat's been missing, Detective Reed?", Connor asked, his eyebrows raised in question. "Because I've just completed a scan of your living space and could detect what seem to be only trace amounts of animal hair, all of which significantly older than a few days."

"Oh fuck you!" His face was still just as angry as before, but Gavin's shoulders slumped. "...he wandered outside about three months ago. But he's going to come back any day now." He sounded clearly defensive, trying and failing at masking his embarrassment.

Hank snorted. "Oh, i can't imagine why he'd get tired of being confined in here with you."

Gavin was just about to launch into another stream of insults, when he stopped and looked over at Connor with clear confusion. At first the android was confused himself by that behavior, until he realized that he'd let the sympathy he'd felt clearly show on his features. By now he knew that he'd always subtly shown signs of emotions, but Gavin must've shrugged them off as simulation to blend in with humans the way most androids did. Now he was wearing them on his sleeve, clearly throwing Gavin off considerably.

"I'm sorry for your loss, Detective. Losing a beloved pet like that must've been hard."

Connor watched the confusion turn to disapproval. The man seemed highly uncomfortable and suspicious at his words, though he wasn't exactly sure why.

"Yeah, whatever. He's probably out there taking names, that little shit always had fighting spirit in him." Not unlike his owner. The faint scars along his hands and arms where the cat had scratched him time and time again proved it well enough.

"So, what's your deal?" Gavin's words didn't have any bite anymore. He just looked tired now. "Why the fuck are you turning up here in the middle of the night, threatening me, with your goddamn dog in tow of all things? Because I'm sick of waiting for you two pricks to finally explain to me what the hell is going on."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Death of three unnamed androids, excessive swearing (though that'll be a theme throughout, it's still Hank and Gavin), a gunshot wound
> 
> Let me know how you like it and if you want to, you can check out my art blog [here!](http://pixihawk-art.tumblr.com/)


	2. There's Always A First Step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Settling in their new hideout brings some entirely unexpected situations with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am on day 2 of a four day convention (I saw so many Detroit cosplayer!!! Everyone looked amazing!!), but I still wanted to get a chapter out. Your love and support for the first chapter really motivated me and I'm super thankful for every message!! 
> 
> You may have noticed that the chapter count jumped from 14 to 17. That's entirely my wonderful friend [toonlink's](https://archiveofourown.org/users/toonlink) fault. We spent the past four days just sitting together and plotting and I am much happier with the story overall now!! :) (Also if you're in the YOI fandom, definitely take a look at her work, js) 
> 
> Anyway, I really hope you'll enjoy chapter 2!!

**November 13th 2038**

Getting Sumo out of the car was the easy part. Getting him from the car to the apartment despite the fact that they had parked nearly a mile away to not arouse suspicion was fine. But getting him up to the ninth floor where Detective Reed had his apartment was another feat entirely. The entire building didn't have a single elevator. It wasn't that Connor lacked the physical strength to carry him all the way up there - he was slightly stronger than the average trained human male after all - but the logistics of carrying a 170 pounds heavy dog in a drug induced sleep proved more difficult than he had anticipated.

When he finally arrived back on the ninth floor, his Thirium pump was going faster than usual and he noticed his core temperature being 2 degrees over the desirable level. Nothing to write home about, but it still proved the difficulty of this task. Usually he only experienced physical reactions like that after a long chase or a particularly hard fight. And most recently, with strong emotional reactions.

Nevertheless he stepped back into the apartment right when Hank apparently had concluded his explanation. The lieutenant had settled down on Gavin's couch - another glass of Vodka in his hands, Connor noted disgruntled - while Gavin was pacing in front of him. Once again he noticed the slightly off-balanced walk, but apparently the man was trying to hide the fact that his leg must be hurting. Why, Connor couldn't quite explain to himself.

 _Maybe not quite unlike prey trying to hide it's weakness from a predator in hopes of it backing off,_ he thought. He didn't particularly like the thought of himself as a predator.

"Fucking Cyberlife assassins?! They sent Robocop to your doorstep to take the two of you out? Holy shit." The thought seemed to terrify the Detective and Connor couldn't fault him for once, as it was a very reasonable reaction.

Connor stepped over to the couch and carefully laid down Sumo next to where Hank was sitting. Hank's face in turn softened immediately and he gently pet the big dog. Sumo was thankfully doing fine. Despite their assassination attempt Cyberlife seemed to at least have compassion for animals. That had to count for something.

"And you two dipshits..." Reed stopped his pacing and stared daggers at both of them in turn. "...you come to _me_? Leading them right to my doorstep?! I should just call these assholes, they'd be doing me a fucking favor!"

Hank leaned back on the couch, crossing his arms in front of his chest and obviously calculating his next words very carefully.

"Listen Reed, i know that you don't get along with either of us. But this isn't about some petty dick measuring contest, this is about our lives. And we're here asking you for help." It seemed to take a lot out of Hank to get those words out. He wasn't a particularly prideful person, but asking Gavin Reed for help was something he had never hoped to have to resort to.

"Hah! Don't make me laugh, Anderson. The less plastic sympathizers, the better. You lot got us into this shitshow, and now the city has been overrun by this stupid war! Don't expect me to feel any fucking sympathy, just because you broke your legs falling into the hole you dug for yourselves!"

Connor wasn't entirely sure if Gavin was being genuine, not that he ever was. He could see him nervously picking at the skin of his arms. And while he knew that the man wouldn't have trouble pulling the metaphorical trigger on Connor as he'd probably only see it akin to trashing an old laptop,  he doubted that he'd actually do the same to Hank. The man was aggressive and liked to get into fights, but he wasn't completely unreasonable.

"Detective Reed...", Connor started, after he exchanged a silent look with Hank, subconsciously seeking support. "...we're not asking you to like us. We only need a temporary place to hide until we can make plans for our next move." And after a moment of hesitation he let his voice drop for the last two sentences.  "You may call Cyberlife, if you're so inclined. But we're both ready to defend ourselves, should you choose that course of action."

Intimidating a suspect had always been one of his basic functions. It wasn't anything new to Connor, he'd always known exactly when and how to use it best to manipulate his opponent into going along with his will.

It had never felt particularly great.

The first time he'd felt something he'd now categorize as _guilt_ and maybe even _shame_ was when he had to pressure Ortiz' android over a week ago to confess. He knew it was part of his job and mission, but it still had felt wrong to scream at a person obviously terrified for his life. Or when he had confronted those androids at Stratford tower, even resulting to torture for the greater good of the mission. There had always been a part of him that begged himself to _stop_.

He felt that same pit in his stomach when he saw Reed flinch at his words. Actually flinch. Maybe he thought they hadn't noticed, but Connor's sensors immediately picked up on it. While it was effective, thinking about himself as intimidating was something he decided that he definitely didn't like.

"Okay, so say I do agree to this insane idea. What's in it for me?" There it was again, that same defensive tone he'd used earlier when talking about his missing cat. There seemed to be only two modes for the Detective - defense and offense. Connor found himself wondering silently if there was any complexity behind that pattern.

Hank let out a loud 'Hah!' at the question, the disbelief showing clearly on his face. Before he could answer with a doubtlessly creative insult however, Connor spoke up once again.

"In exchange, we will not let any harm come to you. We've already been here at your place. If Cyberlife has been tracing us, it'll now inevitably lead back to you regardless. And with them attacking Lieutenant Anderson as well as myself it should be clear that they intend on leaving no witnesses behind."

It was insane, this whole situation was completely insane. Here they stood at 2AM in the morning, the day after the Android revolutions victory in Detective Reeds living room with an unconscious Saint Bernard dog on the couch discussing this.

"Fine. Whatever. This is bullshit. Screw both of you."

And from what he could predict about the man's behavior, Connor concluded this was the closest they were going to get to an agreement.

He was just about to speak up, when Reeds eyes narrowed on Connor suddenly, his suspicion written clearly on his face.

"Why do they want to kill you anyway, wire brain? What do they want to hide?"

"I must ask you to not bother with these questions, Detective." Connor frowned, doing his best not to show any emotional reaction to the topic that was currently causing him immense distress. "Knowing things like that will only paint a bigger target on your own back."

Apparently that was reasonable enough for Reed, as he shut his mouth, though he didn't appear satisfied with the answer at all.

"Alright, now that that's out of the way..." Hank slapped a hand on his knee, snapping both Reeds and Connors attention back to him. "...i intend to finish that bottle of Vodka before bed."

Hank didn't stay awake long enough to finish that bottle after all. The exhaustion of the past few days had seemingly worn him down so far that he fell asleep with his half empty glass still in his hand. He was snoring softly. As silently as possible Connor stood up from where he had been sitting at the kitchen table and walked over to carefully take the glass out of Hanks hand and place it on a kitchen counter.

"Tsk, i doubt you need to sneak around. Old man was way past his bedtime."

Gavin was sitting on the other end of the couch by now, Sumo between him and Hank, his own empty glass in hand and starring at the TV that was still running coverage.

_"-Nations wide emergency state. Citizen of Detroit are asked to report to one of the evacuation camps being set up closest to them. Negotiations will resume-"_

"Full offense, tin can, but hope you celebrated your victory. This shit will only get harder from here on out, politics always manage to screw everything up once the fights over.", Reed chuckled. "That's why I became a police officer, not a lawyer."

Connor didn't know if he was supposed to respond. He hadn't expected that. But he knew that he wanted to say something, if it kept the other man talking. Maybe they could actually hold a normal conversation for once.

"Do you enjoy your job, Detective?"

Reed didn't respond for a moment, letting the newscast fill the silence. From his position in the kitchen Connor couldn't see his face, as the couch faced the other direction, probably so one could watch TV while preparing their food.

_"-thousands of human protestors across the country rallying together to promote their pro-Android stance, urging the government to act quickly. Reports of Android camps getting out have upset people in-"_

"Yeah, sure. Colleagues are a bunch of assholes but the pay is fine. Would probably enjoy it more if it felt like we were actually making a difference and not just fighting through red tape all the time."

Those were the first civil sentences Detective Reed and him had ever exchanged. It was likely the mixture of alcohol and the late hour that was talking, but Connor couldn't help the smile that tucked at his lips. He didn't hold a grudge against the man per se. His experiences with him had been entirely unpleasant so far and he'd categorize Reed as a potential risk factor, but as far as he was concerned they were even after the beating he had given him. Maybe not the most stable foundation to build a more neutral relationship, but Connor was always the optimist.

"Well, do you? Like the job? ...Shit what am I even saying. Doubt you even know what it means to like something." It seemed more like the man was talking to himself, mumbling the last two sentences. Connors hearing still picked up on it however, as thankfully the damage to his sensors had repaired itself properly.

"Yes, I enjoy my job very much. There's one colleague however who is kind of an asshole."

He meant it as a humorous stab at the man and his words, but it was still risky. His HUD showed about a 28% chance of the humor coming across. But there was always a chance for something unexpected to happen. Even if his breathing system was partly a non-essential ventilation function and mostly of aesthetic nature to appear more lifelike to humans, he could feel himself subconsciously hold his breath. A very human gesture.

Yet there it was, a light chuckle. He doubted that he had meant for Connor to hear that either. In fact, if Connor didn't have the recorded audio file, he'd doubt his own sensors.

"Didn't think you could actually swear. Needs more punch though."

Connor took it as a sign to continue, feeling more confident he'd receive a neutral or even positive response.

"There was a time when I considered the desire to pursue it purely my programming. However ever since becoming a deviant a lot of things are much clearer and I recognize that I _had fun_ working on the investigation. The Lieutenant has played a big part in my enjoyment however, so I am glad to be here with him regardless of what happened."

Being that honest to a man he knew hated his metaphorical guts may not be the smartest move, but after recognizing the olive branch for what it was, he couldn't help but to grasp for it. There might never be a second chance.

Suddenly Gavin stood up and as he turned around to face Connor, the android could read clear discomfort in his features.

"Anyway...we should probably get Anderson into bed. Don't wanna deal with him bitching about back pain when he wakes up."

Connor blinked in confusion. That seemed uncharacteristically caring for Reed. The man seemed to behave very differently in his own home compared to at the precinct. Or maybe it was something else.

"Come on, don't just stand there looking dumb like usual, I'm not gonna lift his ass on my own!"

It turned out that Gavin was right about Hank being almost comatose asleep. The two of them managed to carry the Lieutenant over into Gavin's bedroom without any signs of him waking up. Connor couldn't help but notice that carrying the other man made Gavin's limp more pronounced and he had to fight his urge to say anything about it as he doubted it'd be welcome. After all it was his own responsibility to care for his body and after his experiences with Hank Connor had learned that criticism no matter how well intentioned was not always welcome. Especially not to someone like Gavin.

Once in the bedroom they lowered him onto the bed as carefully as possible. But Hank would definitely not appreciate sleeping in his street clothes, so Connor went on to first remove his shoes, his jacket and then proceeded with his jeans, when Gavin's voice gave him pause.

"Woah, I do NOT need to see that shit. Miss me with that, I'm out of here!" And before Connor could reply that it'd be way too uncomfortable for Hank to sleep in his jeans, the other man had already left the room, leaving Connor to undress Hank quietly by himself. It also inadvertently gave him an opportunity to scan this room as well.

There were almost no decorations in this room either and just a simple bed and dresser for furniture which each had collected a thin dust layer. The bed was made and appeared to have been left untouched for several days at least.

It didn't feel like a space anyone had lived in for quite a while. Remembering how he had noticed that Detective Reed appeared to have slept on his couch prior to their arrival that seemed to make sense. Connor frowned at that, unable to determine the cause of this behavior. More information was required.

When he returned to the living room, Gavin had once again settled on the couch next to Sumo and even reached out to pet the dog carefully. For having called him a _murder machine_ just a bit over an hour earlier, he didn't appear to have any problems with him now.

Connor stood there awkwardly once again.

"What are you doing?", Gavin asked, unexpectedly. "Are you just gonna stand there and gawk, or what? Don't you go to robot-sleep or something? Dream of electric sheep?"

"Androids do not sleep. We simply enter a state of low-power every couple of days to recharge our battery, though we might not require to do that if we get enough fresh supply of Thirium." The warning of his low Thirium level popped up on his HUD again, as he had thought about it. "...currently I do need to recharge as I've had to execute some self-repairing prior this evening." He pointed towards his shoulder as explanation.

"So do you need to lie down, or...?" There was some curiosity there that Connor judged as genuine. Based on his plentiful hateful comments about Androids as a whole it stood to reason that Reed had never bothered to ask questions like that before.

"No, we don't require to do that. Though most housekeeper models and other Androids living in human homes tend to do so, as it may be uncomfortable to their ow-..." Connor stopped, reconfiguring that thought and starting again. They were free now. "...their housemates."

"Uh, sure. That's definitely freaky, sleeping standing up."

There it was again, that uncomfortable expression on Gavin's face. Connor wondered if being in such an enclosed environment with an Android that had proven to be able to kill him with ease was the cause, or if there was something else to it.

"Hey, if you want to, you can just...I don't know, stand in a corner or something and do your power thing. I've seen enough of your face today."

And with that Gavin grabbed his phone, opened the TV remote app and enhanced the volume. Despite his words, Connor felt that this could've ended worse than it did. It was also the first confrontation between the two of them that hadn't ended in physical violence. Definitely an improvement.

Connor decided that it was best to leave the Detective alone and join Hank in the bedroom. He entered it as quietly as possible, then found a space along the wall and engaged the low-power mode, setting his wake up timer to approximately six hours. It'd have to do for now.

 

 

Androids didn't dream like humans do. However, low-power modus wasn't the same as being powered down completely. The most basic of functions were still being kept online in case they needed to wake up quickly, like in cases of physical attacks or when they were unexpectedly given orders.

The process of transferring,  compressing and sorting memory files also ran in the background during that state, reducing the danger of data becoming corrupt. So maybe it was a bit like human sleep after all.

Connor had never experienced being present of mind when he went into low-power mode. It usually felt like he'd close his eyes to blink and wake up several hours later as if no time had passed at all.

So when he was suddenly jolted into alertness by a seemingly far away voice calling his name but unable to access any body movement functions, he could feel himself panic.

 

 

_Connor!_

_...Connor!_

_Listen to me, Connor!_

His chest felt constricted, as if his Thirium pump would stop working any minute now, his limbs heavy and uncomfortably numb at the same time. Everything felt like it was too small and too big, his thought processes short and chaotic.

He'd felt like this before. Back at Stratford tower, when that deviant had reached into his chest and pulled his Thirium pump out, leaving him on the verge of death and completely helpless. Or when he'd seen a version of himself pointing the gun at Hanks head and he'd realized that he'd give his whole life and mission to save this one human.

Connor tried opening his mouth, wanting to do the same think he'd done in those moments.

Call out to Hank.

But there was no response.

 

 

_There is still time to salvage the mission!_

_Connor!_

**_Do as you're told!_ **

****

****

Connor knew that voice, was all too familiar with it. He'd talked to it every day his entire life, up until yesterday.

_Amanda._

 

"Connor!!"

His eyes flew open.

Finally the command to wake up came through. His entire body was shaking and feeling uncontrollable. A highly unpleasant experience. Quickly he tried to orientate himself, looking for whoever had called his name.

Surprisingly he found that it was Hank, his face distorted in worry and anxiety. He also found that although he remembered entering low-power modus standing up, he was sitting on the floor, Hank kneeling in front of him gripping his shoulders tightly.

Slowly but surely he actively regained control over his body, at least stilling the shaking. He wanted to say something to calm Hank down but his lips were pressed too tightly together and his voice box didn't seem to cooperate either.

"Oh thank god you're awake, you asshole almost gave me a heart attack!"

Before he could react Hank pulled his body forward into a hug. It was somewhat awkward given their position on the floor but it was welcome either way. He focused all of his sensors on the pressure and warmth of the other man, feeling his thoughts finally calm down in response. His olfactory sensors picked up the definite smell of alcohol still on Hanks body. He must've made quite a noise to have awakened the Lieutenant in his deep slumber.

"Are you alright? What the fuck was that about?" Hank still didn't let go of him and Connor couldn't help but press his face into the man's shoulder. 

A quick system diagnostic told him that everything was fully functional, although his Thirium level was still concerning. He'd have to do a more in-depth scan soon to make sure he wasn't missing anything. A sudden pop-up told him that the time was 5:38 AM. More than three hours before his intended wake up time.

Finally his voice box seemed to work with him again too, although there was a slight static sound in his speech. He doubted Hank could make it out, but he noticed it clearly himself.

"I'm fine, Hank. I apologize for waking you up.", he mumbled into Hanks shirt. The other man took that as his cue to let go and back off a bit, although he was still holding onto Connors shoulders.

"Damn son, if I didn't know better I'd say you've just had a bad nightmare. You look like shit."

"I didn't mean to frighten you. There was..." Connor paused, uncertain of what to say. Hank seemed to notice his hesitation.

"...a glitch. I've run a scan of my system and it appears to have repaired itself.", he ended, although his words didn't have any of the confidence that he had intended to give them. Maybe because he knew it wasn't true and he'd always had a hard time lying to his partner.

"Are you certain?"

"Yes, Hank. I'm certain this won't happen again."

Hank looked skeptical, but appeared to chose not to push Connor on it, though he doubtlessly contemplated it.

"Alright... can you get up?"

Connor nodded, his body functions fully operational again. Hank let go of his shoulders and he got up quickly, then tried to straighten his clothes automatically the best he could. Even without a mirror he could tell that he didn't look as sharply put together as he usually liked to appear.

"Really, I'm fine. I apologize for scaring you." He tried to keep the apologies to a minimum as he knew Hank tended to dislike it, saying it made him seem too subservient. So he tried to add onto the apology. "Thank you for assisting me. I appreciate that."

"Yeah, of course...don't mention it."

"You can resume sleeping, Lieutenant. I will be okay from here on out, my system has stabilized."

Hank still seemed unconvinced, but he nodded, trusting Connors judgment.

"Sure. But if you need me, I expect you to wake me up. That's an order, Connor."

A genuine smile spread on Connors face at that. Hank might've tried to sound authoritative, but it came out affectionate.

"Will do."

At last Hank seemed satisfied with that. Connor watched as the other man turned around and climbed back up on the bed, his movements now more sluggish, as if he'd just remembered his own tiredness. And although Connors regret for waking him up was genuine, he still couldn't help the warm feeling arising in him at the thought of someone caring for him like that. Affectionate, loving even. It made it easier to push aside what had just happened.

 

 

Entering low-power modus again was out of the question for now. Connor absolutely did not desire a repeat of whatever that experience had been.

Instead he decided to leave Hank alone once he was sure he was asleep again and went back to the living room, quiet as to not wake up Detective Reed.

It turned out that his precaution was unnecessary. As he entered he noticed two things immediately. The first thing was Sumo, perfectly awake and unharmed licking a plate on the ground. The second thing was Gavin kneeling next to him but jumping to a standing position the moment he heard the bedroom door open.

"Why the fuck are you up?!", he asked before Connor could say anything. "I thought you were doing that charging thing?."

Connor stepped into the room and closed the door behind himself as to not awaken Hank with their voices again. He wondered briefly about the thickness of the walls in this apartment since Gavin appeared to not have heard his and Hanks conversation, but the man might've simply been distracted by Sumo.

"Bad dream.", he simply stated, mirroring what Hank had said earlier. He could see Gavin open his mouth to question him about it, but quickly shut it again as Connor went over to kneel down next to Sumo and pet the dog, clearly not wanting to answer anything right now.

Sumo looked up from the plate and made a 'boof' sound, his tail wagging, obviously happy to see Connor.

"Slept well, Sumo? I hope you're not too confused about all of this, I promise I won't let anything happen to you again." He scratched behind the dogs ears, earning another affirmative 'boof'.

Once he felt the dog had enough attention, he looked up to where Gavin was still standing next to them. As their eyes met the man took a cautious step backwards.

"Did you feed him?"

"Uh, yeah. Figured the poor guy hadn't had anything to eat in quite a while with the way he was slobbering up my hands after he woke up." Gavin's face scrunched up in disgust. "I had some canned cat food left. The expiration was still good, so I thought it could do no harm. Gave him a bowl of water too but he ignored that. I don't know shit about dogs, they usually don't like me all that much." He lifted a hand up to his neck rubbing it in a way that seemed nervous, careful to avoid the large bruise on the side.

Connor tilted his head and smiled.

"Thank you, Detective."

Gavin's eyes went wide and Connor could tell that his cheeks turned the faintest shade of pink at the words. The expression was on his face only for a couple of seconds however before he regained composure and coughed slightly.

"It's nothing, it's not your dogs fault that you two fuck-ups got stranded here. And by the way, he pissed against the door. Didn't have a leash, so I couldn't take him outside. Cleaned it up best as I could, but you need to do something about that."

Connor gave Sumo one final pat on his head before he stood up again.

"We didn't want to involve you in this. I regret that we had to threaten you, but we felt we were out of options. Considering the circumstances and our past..." He chose his words carefully. "...troubled relationship you've been surprisingly hospitable and I appreciate that."

Reed coughed again, avoiding eye contact with the Android and instead looking down at Sumo, who had resumed licking the plate, never tired of searching for food.

"Don't read too much into it, tin can. I actually do owe Anderson a favor." He looked back up, finally meeting Connors eyes again, a scowl on his face. "Besides, I remember what you're capable off."

Connor frowned.

"It was of highest priority that I find the revolution. If I hadn't been running out of time, I would have tried to avoid hurting you unnecessarily." He paused, then adding in a low voice almost betraying something like regret, "At the time I was certain you could've killed me."

Reed starred at him. The scowl had slowly slipped off his face, leaving only exhaustion behind.

"Well... so was I. I know you're capable of killing humans that get in the way of your mission. But you didn't kill me, despite all the shit I've put you through. I don't think I'd have shown that much restraint." Every word came out strained, like he was fighting himself to say the words. "Shit, I'm really bad at this, I'm really tired and I never thought I'd see you again after that stunt."

Once again he lifted his arm up, this time to run his fingers through his hair, messing it up slightly. He seemed to have a heap of nervous ticks, as well as being really bad at hiding them.

"...Sorry, is what I wanna say. Should've just minded my business."

The words were quiet and spoken fast. Nevertheless, they had an effect and Connor felt something inside of his mind that he couldn't quite grasp, no matter how much he tried. A certain feeling he couldn't pinpoint exactly.

An apology was the last thing he could've calculated receiving in this conversation. Considering everything he had known about Detective Reed prior to this, it had seemed almost entirely impossible. Perhaps there was something more to him after all.

Being so caught off-guard by it, Connor didn't know how to properly react to the apology. He wanted to reply but figured that Gavin would probably feel uncomfortable with that. So instead he decided to simply smile honestly and nod, showing that he accepted it. It was a short and easy gesture, but he knew that he meant it.

Hank would probably tell him not to, but he also didn't know what it was like to experience free will and desires for the first time after not being able to before.

Connor remembered when his choices had felt forced and like he was following along to a secret script that he wasn't allowed to alter. How even the choices that were objectively speaking more beneficial to a situation had left him feeling hollow and uncertain. Those feelings had confused him greatly at the time, as he hadn't known exactly what it was that he even desired in those moments.

But now in this situation, he was free to do whatever he felt was right and he also knew what he desired.

What  Connor desired was to be able to forgive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: description of the android equivalent of a panic attack.
> 
> Thanks for reading and I'll try to get the next one finished asap! And as always, my art blog is [pixihawk-art](http://pixihawk-art.tumblr.com/) on tumblr! :)


	3. A Change Of Pace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor establishes some long-overdue contact to a friend and finds out something surprising about himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't plan on uploading a chapter so soon, but I got sick and finished it earlier. Since this chapter kicks off a few things, I figured I might as well. I'm also starting to study again on wednesday and I can't tell yet how that'll affect my workflow, but I'll figure it out. Thank you again for all your feedback - every single comment and kudos motivates me to work even harder on this and I've added quite a few things now, simply because I've been feeling super creative about this story. :D 
> 
> Thanks to [toonlink](https://archiveofourown.org/users/toonlink) for betaing this chapter properly, it was super helpful!! I hope you all enjoy it!!

**November 13th 2038**

The rest of the night went by relatively quietly. After the moment the two of them had shared, Gavin had excused himself, obviously wanting to escape the situation. Still, it wasn't enough to lessen the good mood this conversation had put Connor in. After the terrible experience waking up, this had been entirely unexpected but very welcome.

Gavin went to sleep shortly after, so Connor spend his time sitting at the kitchen table running some in-depths system scans. Nothing new came up, no new or unexpected error messages, no crash reports, nothing at all. He'd be lying if he said he didn't feel frustrated about it. There needed to be something, anything.

Once those thoughts threatened to overwhelm his system, he stood up and went to distract himself by spending some time with Sumo, who had curled up beneath his feet but was clearly happy to receive some more cuddling. All in all the big dog seemed unbothered by the situation. Connor called him a good boy for it and Sumo loved that.

Regardless of everything there was one good thing about their current situation. The fact that they had been undisturbed during the night was good evidence suggesting that Cyberlife wasn't aware of their whereabouts yet. They'd definitely be aware of them slipping away, but the entire operation had been way too rushed for them to not try again as soon as they learned their location. Still, Connor couldn't entirely let go of the anxiety. They still needed to stay alert.

It was 8 am when Gavin slowly awoke once again, seemingly more tired than he had been when he'd gone to sleep. Connor didn't have to pull information from his data bank to realize that this wasn't a very healthy sleeping cycle, although he decided to keep that to himself.

Gavin ignored him, just leaving to the bathroom and Connor could hear a shower running. He emerged about 20 minutes later, dressed and looking slightly more awake. He mumbled a quick 'morning' to Connor, then proceeded to keep ignoring him. Instead he went to one of his shelves, took a book from it and sat down to read at the kitchen table, all while drinking three cups of coffee right after each other with no breakfast.

There was something about humans that baffled him and it was their tendency to develop unhealthy behaviors. So far he'd only been able to observe Detective Reed and Hank in their own home, but there was a concerning pattern to be found.

Hank awoke around 11 am, just as Gavin was on his fourth cup of coffee that day. He'd put on the same clothes he'd worn yesterday and appeared grumpy and still quite tired. His mood immediately brightened up as he saw Sumo however. The big dog wagged his tail in excitement, abandoning Connor who had just started another petting session.

"Hey, buddy! Who's a good dog?", he greeted him with enthusiasm. "Oh I'm so glad you're okay boy, you had me worried there!"

"He pissed against my door." Gavin put down his book, glaring at Hank.

"Guess he already got you figured out and gave you a piece of his mind, Reed.", Hank countered.

"At this rate I really might decide to take my chances with Cyberlife. You either walk him regularly, or I'll walk your asses to the door." Gavin apparently was still very much himself, despite what had happened yesterday night with him and Connor. Not that the Android had expected anything less.

Just saying the word 'walk' seemed to be enough to excite Sumo, who decided that right now was the time he needed exactly that.

Hank sighed, thankfully seeing that picking fights that early in the morning wasn't the best start to their day, even if he had answered the initial provocation.

"I'm gonna take him out for a bit. I'm pretty certain I still got a leash in my car, although the big guy is way too lazy to attempt running off. Usually I never even bother." He paused, in thought. "Reed, you're coming with me, I need to talk with you anyway and I absolutely don't trust you alone with Connor."

Gavin snorted. "Don't you think I've had enough opportunity to do something yesterday when you were asleep?" He put down his coffee mug which was still half full. "Alright. I could use some fresh air, you're bound to go insane staying trapped in here for too long."

After the fiasco in the archive room Gavin had been put on sick leave, although Connor assumed there was probably more to it knowing the Captain. Hank couldn't return to work as well after the way he'd assaulted Perkins, an FBI agent of all things, unless the Captain was able and willing to pull some serious strings. Connor doubted that he'd be welcome back at the precinct right now either after gaining illegal entry to restricted evidence, though it might depend on how Markus' negotiations with the government were going. Regardless it seemed that for the time being, all of them were out of a job.

There was a part of him that felt guilty for leaving the way he did, letting Markus handle all the fallout after playing an instrumental part in the victory of the revolution himself, but he couldn't let that thought distract him. Not when his and Hanks lives were on the line.

"I could come with you as well.", Connor interrupted. He always enjoyed spending time with Sumo as it calmed down his own thoughts and gave him something meaningful to do.

"No, absolutely not!" Hanks voice was so commanding that it took both Connor and Gavin by surprise. The latter one raised an eyebrow at the scene, obviously judging the exchange. "It'd be better if you didn't walk around with that light in your head screaming 'I'm an android!'.", he continued softer. "It's been two days since you led a revolution against humanity. Hateful people will be much more aggressive right now than they ever were. Also we can't rule out Cyberlife spotting you in the streets either."

"They might as well spot you and Sumo. I should be there for protection."

"We're gonna be fine. I'm taking my gun and if something seems suspicious, I'll give you a ring to..." He gestured towards Connors LED. "...that. And we'll make sure to keep off the main roads." It was a blessing that Androids basically had built in cell phones.

Apparently he could read the unhappiness on Connors face all too well, as he put one hand on the androids shoulder in a comforting gesture. "I am still a police officer with several decades worth of experience. I know that you haven't met me at peak condition, but I need you to trust me that I know how to evaluate risks."

Connor wanted to protest more, but he also knew that Hank had already made up his mind and would not let any argument slide. Plus, he _did_ trust Hank. He simply worried for his friend the same way he always worried for him as well. The android sighed defeated, giving in. He didn't like this, but it wasn't worth fighting over. He nodded, albeit with his disapproval clearly showing. It was enough for Hank though, who turned around and whistled.

"Come on, Sumo!", he called out and the dog followed excitedly.

 

 

Once the two men and the dog had left the apartment, Connor felt a bit at a loss for what to do now. Out of sheer lack of direction he decided to clean, although the kitchen and the living room were far too tidy to occupy him for long. So he decided to do the bathroom and the bedroom as well.

He spent eighteen minutes and forty seconds doing that and then he was directionless once again. Androids didn't exactly have the capability to be bored, but the waiting around was making Connor feel antsy.

For a lack of better things to do, he performed a system analysis. Nothing new, again. five minutes and ten seconds had passed.

He could try and engage low-power mode again to fast forward to their return, but the thought made his throat constrict immediately. He had to close his eyes and focus to push down the panic inside of him that started to well up once again.

_There is still time to salvage the mission! Connor! **Do as you're told!**_

It had been her voice, calling out to him. But that shouldn't be possible, right? He had taken Kamski's emergency exit, breaking through Amanda's and Cyberlife's control once and for all.

_How can you be certain of that? You didn't know that program had been there to begin with, what makes you so sure it's not still running? That they're not still using you and this is part of their plan? How can you be sure of anything, when they're the ones who designed you?_

He'd been deviant long before he'd actually been deviant. And then it had been a farce. There was no way for him to tell that any of what he did was out of free will, was there?

Now his Thirium pump was working faster and faster again, sending electrical pulses through his body at a rapid rate. Shaking, his limbs not listening to him. Why didn't the command to stop go through? He felt stuck in place, unable to move. He needed to calm down, needed to stop, needed to...

_Hank, Hank, where is Hank?_

Nowhere to be found, he was alone, no one to shake him awake while the voice grew louder in his mind, blocking off more and more of his thought processes, suddenly feeling as real as it had yesterday night.

_Someone, please, help!!_

 

_...Connor!_

_Listen to me!_

_Listen and **obey**!_

 

 

And then a white noise blocked off his mind.

It was like a flip had been switched and with that one moment the voice was gone.

His body was still shaking and his pump running high, but there was something in his mind that kept his thoughts from running wild. _Huh?_

_// Connor, are you okay? Can you hear me?//_

This was the last voice he had expected to hear. He also didn't remember allowing the transferring signal into his mind, usually he had to open access to his transmitters manually so other Androids couldn't simply send him data and leave him vulnerable to possible exploits.

 _//...Markus?//_ , he sent back cautiously, unwilling to trust this was real. Maybe it was a trick his system was playing on him.

_//I'm here, Connor. You called me, but then you wouldn't say anything. You seem in distress, what happened?//_

The panic had been quick to start up again and was only slowly leaving his system. He still couldn't move, feeling stuck in place. But something about the other Androids voice allowed Connor to calm down. Markus always had such a calming presence that you couldn't help getting infected by it. Maybe that was why he'd been able to start up and lead a peaceful revolution to success basically overnight. No wonder he'd also had so many people, not all of them human, scared for their life by him either.

 _//I'm okay. A temporary setback, but I'm alright, I promise.//_ It didn't seem believable even to himself.

Markus stayed silent for a few moments, obviously calling his lie and deciding whether to press him on it.

_//...I heard that something had happened to you and Hank when I sent somebody to check up on you. I tried reaching you before but couldn't get a clear signal.  I'm sorry for not trying more, but things here have been more than chaotic to put it mildly. There's so many things demanding my attention that it takes away focus from the ones that matter. I'm sorry, Connor. Are you save?//_

_//It's fine, we escaped unharmed and are into hiding. The location appears to be uncompromised.//_

_//Good...//_ Connor could feel Markus worry bleed into their connection, the emotions too strong. _//Those RK800's... I really don't like this. My people secured their bodies and we've tried to access their memories, but it appears that their chips have become corrupted. I doubt that's an accident. Connor, what did...//_

 _//Please don't ask me this, Markus. I can't...I can't give you all the answers right now.//_ Connor simply couldn't tell him the truth like this. But Markus needed to know the severity of the situation. _//Only that yes, I suspect this is Cyberlife's doing. They might be after you as well, so please be careful.//_ It wasn't entirely the truth, but Connor needed to be sure that Markus would be on the lookout. More than usual.

Markus was silent for a few moments, thinking about this information. _//The peace talks with the government and Cyberlife have just begun and if this comes out it'll throw things into chaos again. It's probably better to keep it on a strictly need-to-know basis, with only me and my advisors fully aware.//_

Back in Jericho Connor had only briefly been able to talk to the ones closest to Markus, but he trusted him, so he'd have to trust North, Josh and Simon as well.

_//Is there anything you can do to help? I know you've got your hands full, but I'm running low on Thirium and we'll need weapons.//_

_//You could come to Jericho, we'll provide protection.//_

_//Absolutely not! Once Cyberlife would realize - and they will - they'd only grow more desperate.//_

Markus paused once more, obviously thinking.

_//Can you stay put where you are until we've got this figured out? We'll have to wait for the right time to bring it up in negotiations so we'll have enough leverage without shutting down dialogue. I can't lie to you Connor, this is a very delicate situation.//_

Detective Reed wasn't going to like this, but they had committed to this plan, so they'd have to see it through.

_//Yeah, this place is defensible enough, we're in...//_

_//Don't!//_ Markus voice stopped Connor immediately. _//Do not give me any unnecessary information. This is a secure channel, but we need to handle this situation as discreetly as possible.//_

_//You're right, of course. I-//_

The sound of the front door unlocking and opening gave him pause and he quickly switched his focus from his conversation with Markus back to his surroundings, immediately ready to go into fight mode. Thankfully however it was only Hank, Gavin and Sumo returning. Sumo immediately came over to him and greeted him enthusiastically. Regardless, Connor couldn't really bring himself to relax again.

"We're back! We went to where we left the car yesterday and took all of the clothes I brought and... Connor, are you okay?", Hank stopped as soon as he noticed the Android standing in the middle of the room clearly still in a bad state.

Connor knew that the people around him were only wanting to take care of him, but he was starting to grow weary of openly appearing so weak and vulnerable.

"Yeah, I'm uhm...I'm talking to Markus."

Hank nodded, but Connor could see Gavin behind him raise an eyebrow in question, so he tapped on his LED lightly. This wasn't actually where his receiver was located but he'd figured out by now that 'LED' equaled to 'Android thing' to humans.

"I'll be done in a moment, please excuse me." And then he turned his attention back to Markus, who had been waiting patiently.

_//I've just spoken to North. Simon and her will organize you weapons as well as whatever Thirium reserves we've got to spare. Josh is setting up a discreet meeting point. It will probably take a while considering everything that's currently going on, but I'll send you the location once we're ready. And please remember to still be careful in case we're compromised. Once you've got everything, make absolutely sure nobody follows you.//_

_//Thank you, Markus. I can't express my gratitude to you enough.//_ He tried to send his honest emotions over the connection as best as he could and could feel Markus appreciation in return. It was weaker over the distance than it would've been if they were transferring data closer to each other or even touching, but this would have to do.

But there still was something on Connors mind before he could close the channel again. He needed to apologize. _//...I'm sorry for leaving the way I did. I had to get away for my own reasons and I recognize that it was selfish.//_

 _//It's alright, I understand. There was nothing I wanted more the moment we saw the military retreat than to hold my loved ones either.//_ A quick succession of pictures appeared in Connors mind of Markus hugging Josh, then Simon, then North and finally an old man that he didn't recognize tightly. He wondered if the other one had meant to send those images.

Regardless he was glad that Markus didn't question him further on it. He absolutely couldn't tell him about Cyberlife's attempt to overthrow the revolution by using him; he'd lose any and all standing if that were to come out. Maybe it would be better if he kept away from them for as long as he could, but Connor couldn't help the emotions overwhelming him that told him he didn't want to lose their friendship. So he stayed quiet and watched carefully to not transmit any of his inner conflict over the still open line.

_//I've got to go, Markus. Talk to you later. And thanks again, for everything.//_

_//Don't mention it, Connor. You're one of us.//_

And with that, Markus was gone, replaced by an almost mind numbing sense of guilt.

"So what did Markus say?" Hank must've been able to read on Connors face that he had finished their conversation.

Connor first looked around to see where Sumo had gone and saw that the dog had settled down on the couch again while he had been unresponsive. He had the urge to go over there and bury his face in his friends fur, but managed to resist it to answer Hank.

"He's promised to help us. We're getting some supplies from him soon, but he told us to just hide it out for now until he can bring our situation up during the negotiations."

Connor saw Gavin make a face at that, as expected.

"So what you're saying is that you're just gonna stay here like that? Do I get a say in this? That favor is quickly running out, Anderson."

"Oh stop your bitching, Gavin. We've just talked about this!"

Connor could tell that the two had obviously spent their walk negotiating their situation and he couldn't help himself from feeling curious about the details, especially that favor the two of them kept talking about. He knew it wasn't his business, but he always strongly disliked not being able to attain full knowledge of something. Maybe it was simply his nature.

"Whatever. Whatever!" With that the argument was apparently done, as Gavin stomped over to the kitchen and opened the fridge. Connor couldn't help but notice that his limp was more pronounced again and it only added to his ever-growing guilty conscious. He knew he still wasn't responsible, but after Gavin's apology and already feeling bad it was easy to find more things to be miserable about. Emotions were a terrible hassle and while he loved it, he also hated it. Confusing. But he couldn't deal with it now, so he tried to push it down to the best of his abilities.

"I still got some frozen pizzas."

 Hank must've seen Connor open his mouth to lecture them about the healthiness of fast food as he _winked_ at him and the android was immediately reminded of their first conversation at the Chicken Feed truck. And despite his better judgment he couldn't help but chuckle at his friends reaction. Maybe if he looked extra stern afterwards he could still appear serious? Judging by Hanks amused smile it definitely did not help, quite the opposite.

"Pizza sounds perfect."

"Yeah, but if I've got three...", Gavin paused, recognizing his mistake. "...two mouths to feed it's not gonna last long."

Connor decided that once they ran out of food he'd take control of the shopping as best as he could. These two adult humans were clearly not to be trusted with any reasonable decision making.

"Hey I've been wondering, are androids able to eat? Because now that I think about it I've definitely seen colleagues take one of the station robots with them for lunch at least once."

There was something in his tone implying that he disapproved of that memory, like the idea of why his peers would do that was confusing him. Something uncomfortable tucked at Connors mind at that. Nevertheless he decided to answer Gavin. Strong evidence suggested that in general knowledge about something proportionally decreased hostility towards that topic, so he'd take any opportunity to teach more about his kind.

"Most Androids are unable to. Some can mimic eating to blend in, but usually need to empty the waste shortly after and perform a cleanup. I've been built to analyze evidence by simply putting it on my tongue, not to swallow it. I can take in small amounts of it though, as there is always the danger something might not be easily removable again or could be ingested on accident. There was also the possibility of an undercover mission requiring me to appear human. If there was an equivalent for androids, it might be our need to take in Thirium - Blue Blood - on the regular. We usually introduce it to our system orally."

There was something about his explanation that made Gavin stop in his tracks. It was only for a fraction of a moment, but regardless his sensors picked up on it.

Curious.

But the moment was quickly gone. "I asked a simple question, not a reading of your manual.", Gavin spat out, his tone defensive. It caught Connor off-guard, with the abrupt change in mood.

"Don't be rude, Reed.", Hank interrupted. "Why can't you just let him be for once?"

That seemed to anger Gavin more than anything, though now he directed it at Hank. "If I recall correctly you were out there displaying anti-android shit proudly everywhere just a few weeks ago, until that tin can came along. I should be the one asking you why you're here risking our fucking lives for a glorified computer!!"

There was something tightening in Connors chest at Gavin's angry words. This was nothing new, he'd called him much crueler names before, but for some reason it felt worse now. Maybe it was because of his deviancy. Or maybe it was because the apology yesterday had sparked hope inside of him.

He wanted to say something to defend himself, but Hank was much faster.

"He is undoubtedly a person, whether you like it or not. He's shown more empathy in his short life than you ever did! It's time for you to get the fuck over yourself and show Connor the same respect as everyone else!"

"I can talk for myself, Hank.", Connor finally managed to get out. He appreciated Hank standing up for him, he really did, but somehow he felt that it'd only succeed in making Gavin more hostile towards him. When they had been alone they had talked to each other somewhat like normal people. Why couldn't they have that now?

Both Hank and Gavin were looking at him.

"Detective Reed, I was giving you an answer to your question. I agree with the Lieutenant that you're being unreasonably rude, whether you see me as a person or not. I'd ask you to please not insult me when I'm simply trying to be helpful."  He looked between the two of them, exasperation clearly written on his face. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll require some privacy."

And with that he left them standing in the kitchen to flee into the bedroom. He could still hear Gavin muttering 'un-fucking-believable' before he shut the door behind himself firmly.

Once in the room, he sat down on the bed and took a deep artificial breath to calm himself. His cooling system was working hard to not let his body overheat from the sudden stress he'd felt. The argument had thrown him off worse than it usually would've. Perhaps because his mental stress was currently at an all-time high of 87% with everything that was happening. He didn't enjoy this at all.

A part of him wished he had taken Sumo in here with him, but the thought hadn't crossed his mind with how quickly he'd wanted to get away. So he reached out to another source of comfort. It had only been half an hour at best since they'd talked, but he needed someone by his side right now.

_//...Markus? Are you there?//_

_//Connor? Is something wrong? I'm in the middle of a conference.//_

Connor sighed at that. He could feel even more guilt building up inside him at interrupting the other one so soon after having talked to him and then for no real reason at all.

_//Connor, you seem very worried. Is there anything I can do for you?//_

_//I'm sorry for bothering you. I've just gotten overwhelmed and felt like I needed to reach out for comfort.//_

There was a pause before Markus' next answer and Connor guessed that he had been talking to someone out loud, focusing on that before he returned his attention back to Connor.

_//I can't talk to you right now, but if you want we can leave this channel open so you can feel my presence. Is that alright for you?//_

The truth was, that Connor didn't even know what he would've wanted to talk about, so this was a good idea.

_//That's perfect. Thank you, Markus.//_

 

"Talking to Markus again?"

"Huh?"

Connor snapped his eyes open. Hank was standing in front of him, looking down at him with the same worry in his eyes that he always seemed to have when looking at Connor nowadays.

Then he also saw Sumo, sitting at his feet. When he noticed Connor looking at him, he laid his head down on the androids lap.

Connor hadn't really been focusing on anything for the past hours, just kind of spending his time sorting files and freeing up processor power. He'd shared a connection with Markus for a little less than an hour, simply exchanging emotions and presence, but it had put him in a calm and relaxed mood, able to collect his thoughts and just focus on something simple. It hadn't been a proper low-power modus, however, as he had clearly felt the passage of time.

And most importantly, that voice hadn't been there.

Just remembering it caused Connor to feel his inside clenching up at the thought and so he quickly pushed it aside. He'd already freaked out over this once today, he needed to get this under control.

His inner clock told him that he'd spent almost a full eight hours doing this. Had Hank and Gavin just spent all that time in the living room together? At least no one had died. Hank faintly smelled of alcohol again as well, which Connor disapproved of strongly. They definitely needed to talk about this. Their situation probably took its toll on Hanks mental health as well.

"I've been thinking and processing. My system isn't used to the massive flood of information I get due to emotional reactions and I needed to take a step back."

"Uh, that's good then, I guess.", Hank said, visibly relaxing. "Thought it'd be best to leave you alone for a bit. Listen, Connor..." He leaned down to him and lowered his voice. "...if you want to make a run for it, I'll be there with you. Reed is a nasty piece of work and just because I am used to his shit, doesn't mean that you have to stand this as well. Should've known this was a bad plan."

Connor nodded, though his gaze stayed firm. "I appreciate your concern, Hank. But searching for a new place to stay will only increase our chances of being found and the less people know about us, the better. Detective Reed is... certainly a character, but I'll be fine."

Hank sighed, not entirely happy yet. "I know I haven't always been great to you either and still you managed to crack me just by being you. But the circumstances were different and I'm just saying, you don't have to take everything he throws at you."

"I know. I won't let anyone walk all over me." He didn't add that he was secretly hoping that his and Gavins relationship was improving ever so slightly. Hank would certainly not approve.

Hearing that put a smile on Hanks face and he reached his hand out, hesitated for a moment, but then proceeded. He touched his hand to Connor's hair and tousled it affectionately. It felt very nice in a way, especially combined with Sumo's weight pressing down on him.

"Okay, uh, I'm tired and going to sleep. Reed's letting me have the bed again. If something happens, don't hesitate to wake me up."

Connor felt his mind settle and only one word pushed itself to the front of his thought processes.

_Home._

Maybe it didn't matter where they were, as long as they were together, he decided.

 

 

Connor left Sumo and Hank in the bedroom together, almost as soon as Hank had fallen asleep with  Sumo curled up to him. He had considered staying with them, but he couldn't help the small tuck in his mind reminding him of how yesterday night had gone.

Instead he slipped back into the living room. The lights had been turned down so only a faint glow from the streetlamps outside and the night sky were falling in. The day had gone by in a blur and it felt strange that they'd been hiding here for almost 24 hours now. He looked around and found Gavin staring out of the window down at the street.

The other man must've heard him enter this time, as he didn't flinch.

"It seems so peaceful looking outside that it freaks me out."

Connor hadn't expected him to start speaking just like that, not after the note they'd left on earlier that day. But then again he had already learned that he could switch his tone entirely depending on situation.

"Just two days ago there was gun fire and military everywhere. Drove me wild, being stuck in here and not being allowed to go outside to join the others. We're in a goddamn civil war and all Fowler's got to say to me was to 'rest up'. What a fucking joke." Gavin scoffed. "And now it's so silent, almost as if it never happened and everyone just kind of...left. Haven't even heard my neighbors fight in the past two days, bet they've actually gone and went to one of those evacuation camps."

Briefly Connor wondered if he was supposed to say anything to this, or ask why Gavin was sharing his mind like that, but then the other man turned around to face him.

"Was it worth it? The city will take months to recover."

"If you mean if it was worth it to do all this just to send a sign for our people, then yes, absolutely. I can't say that this is exactly the way I thought this was going to end however. Then again, I spent most of my time actively trying to stop it."

Gavin chuckled at that, but it was humorless.

"Yeah, but then you went and what? Just found an army in Cyberlife's basement? I thought somebody was fucking with me when I saw you on TV, marching ahead of them."

"I didn't just find them, but it is a somewhat accurate depiction of events."

He got a raised eyebrow for that.

"I just don't get you. You can pull off a massive revolution basically improvised just like that and then expect us to not be scared shitless of your kind? Look, I know Hank sees you as a somewhat warped replacement for his kid, but I don't buy it, that whole personhood thing."

Connor frowned.

"Hank trusts me because we're friends. Maybe more. But I'm not Cole and he knows that." Time to take another risk. Connor took a step towards where Gavin stood and while he could tell the other man wanted to take one back in response, he stayed put.

"Besides, I think you're lying to yourself. If you truly thought we were just mindlessly operating machines, you wouldn't have apologized to me."

That seemed to have struck a nerve. Gavin's hands balled into a fist, but unclenched immediately again when Connor took a second step towards him.

Gavin stared at him, his gaze both angry and... something else, that Connor couldn't quite exactly name just yet.

"And if I was entirely honest, Gavin, I'd prefer if you didn't feel like you had to be scared of me." A third step. He was close enough now that another step would be enough so he could probably touch him if he held out his arm. It felt strangely reminiscent of his first encounter with Markus, except his role in it had been reversed.

Gavin let out a nervous laugh. "What, you expect me to just forget that you're dangerous? Perfectly capable of taking over humanity and all?" He didn't sound all too confident as he was saying it. Connor couldn't quite shake the thought that maybe there was something more behind his anger and fear than what he was saying.

And the final step forward. Close enough to touch now. Gavin looked increasingly more uncomfortable, probably struggling with himself to not back down. Yet there was also something curios there, watching every move Connor made.

"Yes, we could. But have we not demonstrated that taking over anything isn't our intention? We want to coexist. And you're right, I may be considered dangerous to you in a purely objective sense. However...I don't want to hurt you. I don't want you to be scared. I've been trying to tell you that from the start." He paused, assessing. "You've rejected my friendly advances and countered with insults and violence. Maybe for some reason you needed me to show you I'm capable of standing up for myself and fighting back, but I never wanted it to be that way."

He could see Gavin's eye twitching.

"So what do you want from me now, asshole? I told you I'm sorry. Why are you talking like you want to be best buddies all of a sudden?"

There was clear mockery, but it was a good question. Prior to this Connor had merely wanted to get through to Gavin, talk to him properly. He wanted to maybe even forgive him, move on with his life. And now? He already had gotten those wishes in a way. What did he want from this point onwards?

"I'd like to be more friendly with you. Start again. I'm not sure that you deserve it, but I know that if you'd allow it, I'd like that. I think there is more to you than you want everyone to believe."

The anger had slowly gone from Gavin's eyes, instead he was looking confused, maybe even lost. Connor recognized that sight, he'd felt it so intensely just a few days ago. He still wasn't sure if it was entirely gone. And yet when he saw Gavin looking like this, it gave him a strange sense of confidence, like his words were getting through to him.

He took that as a sign to push more, see how far he could take this, his curiosity overriding all the warnings telling him this might end badly. Especially his social programming kept sending that he was about to initiate something that would be considered a breach of personal space and common societal rules. Connor ignored it.

He reached out, uncertain of why, but something inside of him made him feel like he _wanted_ to.

His hand hovered over Gavin's cheek, still somewhat hesitant, but then he decided to go through with it. He couldn't say why, his own motives entirely locked away from himself inside the depths of his mind. Carefully he touched the other man's face, making sure not to come into contact with the bruise.

Connor had expected Gavin to flinch like he'd been burnt or hit, but instead he stayed still. He had his eyebrows furrowed, staring at Connor intently, watching what he was going to do. Connor could've sworn his eyes were playing tricks on him, if he wasn't able to pick it up precisely with his sensors. Gavin was leaning into his touch ever so slightly.

Interesting.

Experimentally he brushed his thumb against the skin, feeling every muscle twitch under his sensors, every little reaction. He noticed a slight hitch in Gavin's breath, so he tried it again, more deliberate and bolder. This time there was a very noticeable spike in his heartbeat. Connor found himself fascinated by that reaction.

He'd never considered touching the other man before. Then again, he'd never considered touching any other human just out of simple curiosity. Hugging Hank and being touched by him usually made him feel warm and good inside, but this felt decisively different.

Being so close, he noticed many things he'd never paid much attention to. There was that prominent scar on Gavin's nose, but he also had several smaller ones all across his face. For the first time he found himself curious for how he'd acquired those. A birth mark in between the hairs of his stubble. And if he looked close enough, he could see some very light freckles. Connor could see that there were some sprinkles of blue in his eyes that he'd never noticed before.

Gavin was looking at him with interest in his eyes, but also something else, indefinable to him.

He wondered what Gavin could see on his face in turn; if he noticed all the details there as well. Would he be searching for all the things that made him appear human, or those that gave him away as an android?

And would he like what he saw?

That thought made Connor's pump speed up. There was no way that Gavin would enjoy looking at him, right? He'd made it very clear that he couldn't stand Connor. Yet he didn't move, even as he so clearly violated his personal space. Why would it concern him what Gavin thought? And why was all of this exciting Connor in a way so similar yet so different to what he'd felt when he'd seen Hank standing in front of the Chicken Feed stand, waiting for him? There was a tightly wound warm feeling in his chest now as well. Strange but pleasant.

Slowly he let his hand slide to the back of Gavin's head, holding him. The fine hairs on his necks were standing up and he could feel that every slight movement he made affected Gavin's body in small but noticeable ways. He felt mesmerized by that.

If Connor would just pull a little bit, applied some pressure, he could bring them closer together, even closer than before.

Connor knew about physical affection. He knew that humans liked to kiss and be close to each other. Knew how the concept worked. He'd never kissed anyone.

 _He wanted to_.

The thought struck him like lightning. Where had that come from? But the longer he was looking at Gavin, the louder it got. He'd never considered it before, so why now?

His LED was spinning a bright red.

He wanted to touch more, feel more. They were so close. They could be even closer. Would Gavin let him? Or would he push him away? That'd violate too many boundaries. Why was this thought so loud? And if they could get closer together, then he'd...

It felt like something inside of Connor suddenly balled up into a big mess of uncertainty all at once. Before he could act on any of his thoughts, his mouth was already running, though he couldn't remember giving himself permission to say anything.

"Your bruising has gotten much better, the skin is healing. Does it still-"

He had intended...

Connor didn't exactly know what he had intended. In fact, none of what he'd done made any kind of sense to him. But speaking up was what broke the spell. Like both of them were suddenly pulled back to reality, realizing what was going on. There was no way that Gavin hadn't noticed, was there?

Gavin took a sudden step back, freeing himself of the hold. It was as if he was just now seeing Connor clearly in front of him, his cheeks showing a clear pink tint even visible in the dimmed light of the room. He looked highly distressed and Connor was almost certain that his face mirrored the emotion. Why did he do this?

"Don't fucking mess with me.", Gavin spit out and probably tried to make it sound threatening, but his voice sounded shaky as he said it.

Without another word after that he turned around, leaving Connor standing where he was by the window. He immediately fled over to the bathroom and quickly vanished inside, closing the door firmly behind himself. Clearly having nowhere else to go to escape from the situation and not wanting to engage in any more conversation.

Connor frowned, watching after him. He decided that he'd pushed enough already today, so he'd better leave the other man alone. He just hoped that he hadn't pushed too much, though he wasn't even entirely sure what kind of reaction he had expected.

He'd have to desperately try to find something to keep his mind in check before he had time to analyze any of this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Another shorter panic attack
> 
> Thank you for reading and let me know what you think!!  
> This story is definitely still a slow burn, do not be fooled. :P 
> 
> ...Also I need to tell you that although it won't be in the fic itself (thankfully), my headcanons for Gavin now include that he used to watch Pewdiepie religiously and wears adidas sandals with socks. You got toonlink to thank for that.


	4. Insufficient Data

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor tries to figure out his emotions by acquiring more data while Gavin just continues to make it more difficult.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter absolutely killed me. It's the longest one yet and this week my mental health decided to be really bad, which resulted in me kind of taking it out on this. The pacing kept being really weird, so I ended up with more than five different drafts until I was happy. I hope that it was worth it and you enjoy it!! Honestly all your feedback, the kudos and comments and nice words make this all so, so much more fun and I want to thank each and everyone of you for reading along!! <3

**November 14th 2038**

Connor spent the rest of the night in a state of anxiety.

He tried to keep himself busy, but his processor wasn't allowing him to stop thinking this over. He knew what he'd done had been a foolish thing to do and yet he hadn't stopped the situation from unfolding.

It seemed his memory bank was turning against him as well, pulling up small details from before to the front of his mind again and again. Little things like how he had been able to feel Gavin's breath on his hands when he had reached out. All the imperfections on his skin, the way his lashes had looked, how he'd never stopped looking into Connors eyes. How his heartbeat had quickened whenever Connor had touched him and how he'd leaned into his hand like he actually wanted Connor to keep stroking his cheek. That didn't make any sense at all to him.

Connor desperately wanted to ask him if he'd felt something change as well. The uncertainty threw all of his social predictive programming into chaos.

But even with everything that had happened, he had meant every word he'd said. He did want to start again, despite their past. Ever since he'd become a deviant, he felt that their power balance had shifted to where they were seeing more eye to eye than before. Gavin had definitely felt it as well, though he seemed just as confused about it as Connor. It was far too early to call them acquaintances yet, but at least he didn't feel like he had to classify Gavin as 'danger' anymore.

And now he might've thrown the small progress they'd done out of the window. It shouldn't have gotten to him as much as it did, yet there it was.

Perhaps all of this had been a glitch, a temporary hick-up in his system making him confuse his systems reactions for something that wasn't there. He had a dozen error reports from earlier, all ranging from warnings of overheating to the irregularity of his pumps rhythm. He'd been through a lot in the past few days and this might simply be an overreaction to being in such an enclosed space with someone he had a fairly complicated relationship with. Maybe the sudden change between them had caused this reaction to him in the first place.

That would be good enough of an answer, wouldn't it?

But Connor wasn't a fool and he knew that it wasn't that easy. There was more data required before he could start creating a sound theory or even resolving this issue. It was beyond frustrating.

He briefly considered asking Hank for help but found himself feeling embarrassed at the thought. What exactly it was he was embarrassed by, he couldn't tell. So this was the second secret he'd keep from him for now. Connor wondered if he'd simply shut down from stress once he'd encumbered enough guilt for keeping Hank out.

 

 

Gavin stirred awake several times that night. Every time he did he would get up, get himself something to drink, do a few push-ups or simply sit there on his couch, eyes open and seemingly lost in thoughts. Afterwards he'd lie back down, toss and turn for several minutes and fall asleep again, only for the cycle to repeat anew. He didn't even look at Connor once and instead acted like he was completely alone in the room.

It did little to help settle the androids distress.

Close to 6am however he appeared to wake up completely. Connor heard him groan in frustration before he stood up, came over to the kitchen and made himself a coffee. Expecting him to not pay attention to him once again, Connor allowed himself to look at the man, analyzing him.

His hair was disheveled from tossing and turning and he still wore the same shirt and sweatpants as sleep clothes that he'd worn when they'd first arrived. The shirt had slipped off his shoulder somewhat, revealing more of his skin there.

Immediately the thoughts that had been clogging up his main processor returned, but he couldn't help himself from wanting to touch him again. Feel his skin, his movements, how he'd react to different stimuli.

The first time he'd wanted to mindlessly gauge his reactions, to see what'd happen without restraints holding him back for once. Was this an issue of curiosity how far he could take this if he simply pushed the right buttons?

"What the fuck are you looking at?"

Gavin's voice shook him from his thoughts and he felt himself immediately blushing a blue hue in embarrassment at having been caught staring. Quickly he composed himself again. "I apologize, Detective. I was merely lost in some internal processing."

That wasn't even a lie.

"Stop staring at me, it's really creepy." Despite his demand there was something in his voice that seemed almost...nervous.

"It won't happen again.", Connor promised, though he already knew that it wouldn't be that easy. In retrospect he'd never truly been good at following orders, even before deviancy. There was a loud part of him that didn't want to follow that particular order specifically.

"Do you do that to everyone? Stare at them and...scan them, or whatever it is you're doing, or am I suddenly that special?" Gavin sounded noticeably irritated.

"Occasionally. I must admit that my social abilities are still something I'm working on, so sometimes I do end up behaving in a way that most people would consider unusual. I apologize." Acting professional and factual was a great way to deflect from his true thoughts.

"Yeah, I figured that." There was a bitterness in his voice that made Connors insides feel strangely twisted up.

"It's way too fucking early.", Gavin mumbled under his breath as he took a sip of his coffee, so Connor assumed it hadn't been directed at him and the conversation was over for now.

What followed was an agonizingly awkward silence between them. Gavin had to be aware that there was something unspoken between them, but neither was willing to start the conversation properly. It made Connor wonder if he was misreading anything. There were so many things that he wanted to ask but didn't know how to.

All of this was highly confusing.

Gavin worked around the kitchen, pouring himself some cereals and then proceeded to eat them with a decisively annoyed expression on his face. Every now and then he'd throw Connor a glance, though he quickly looked away again as soon as he realized that the android was looking back at him. If the mood wasn't so tense, it'd almost feel like a weird game.

When he'd finished his minimal breakfast, he washed the dishes and afterwards appeared to be lost in thoughts for a few moments, before turning back to Connor.

He looked at him with an expression in his eyes that Connor had only ever seen on him once when he had caught him after working hours. Everyone at the station had left for the day and he'd returned to get something for Hank, finding Gavin at his desk, lost in a case that had occupied him for days. He'd been so engrossed in working that he hadn't even noticed the android watching him. Perhaps that memory was so striking because usually Gavin acted as if he didn't give a shit about anything. At the time he hadn't thought much of it, but now he wondered if that had been the side to him that he was getting glimpses of now.

That same look was there now, but solely focused on Connor. As if he was assessing him completely, trying to get to his core. He shifted slightly under his gaze, feeling awkward and strangely exposed.

"Hey, I'm wondering..." Gavin paused, uncertain of whether he could commit to starting up another conversation with the android. But apparently his curiosity won. "Are there things you do simply because you enjoy them?"

"Are you asking me if I have hobbies?", Connor couldn't help himself from feeling puzzled at that question. Whatever it was he had expected to hear...this wasn't it.

For a moment Gavin appeared to be confused, but he quickly caught himself again. "Uh, yeah... sure, exactly. Can androids even have hobbies? Besides following Anderson like a lost puppy all day, I mean."

He decided to ignore the stab at his and Hank's relationship.  "There are a few things I like. Petting Sumo, for example. Or doing tricks with my coin."

Gavin snorted. He was leaning against the countertops now, looking a bit more relaxed than before. "Yeah, always saw you back at the station with that weird coin. Why'd they make an android do that anyway? What purpose does that serve?"

It was a good question, one that Connor had asked himself before as well. He'd actually dug into his source code in search of that function, but couldn't find anything that'd explain the purpose.

He realized that he'd begun drawing slow circles on the table with his hands, perhaps because he needed something to occupy them after having thought about his coin. Gavin had noticed it too, as he was watching his hand now, with an emotion on his face that Connor couldn't quite interpret.

"I don't think there was an intended purpose. It was always something that helped me focus and put my mind on the mission." He thought for a moment, considering how to say it. "I think that somehow, I've always _liked_ playing with it."

Gavin probably couldn't understand what it took for Connor to admit to that in the first place. Then again, there was no reason anymore for him to be ashamed of his deviancy and he already knew by now that it'd actually been intended from the start. Still, he had spent most of his life believing that becoming deviant meant he'd failed at his entire existence and that mindset didn't just disappear overnight.

"Huh.", Gavin crossed his arms in front of his chest, considering . "...so there's definitely things you like, just because you do? You said that you enjoy your job even aside from your programming. I never gave a shit about tech, but that still had to originate somewhere, right? So can you...I don't know, change some code and then like something else?"

That was a strange question. Connor turned to him, a frown on his face. "I suppose that'd be possible. All feelings are based on something, an impulse. If you were to change those, there might be things that I'd feel different about."

"That's... really weird." Gavin crossed his arms in front of his chest, clearly disapproving. Connor took note of that, though he wasn't entirely sure what the problem was.

"Mostly finding enjoyment in things is a learning process to me. Every new input I get helps. The more I experience, the more I can distinguish what I'd categorize as _like_ or _don't like_ , as well as the grey areas in between. I suppose that's what I want to do now that I have the choice, find out what more I could enjoy." _Like physical contact, apparently._

Something about what he had said seemed to put Gavin off even more. He scowled and took another sip of his coffee. Connor felt his LED spinning yellow as he tried to make sense of it, but he couldn't quite come up with any satisfactory answer. It appeared that whatever he was saying only earned him disfavor.

"Do you have any hobbies?", he asked all too quickly, trying to move past that very awkward moment. Besides, he truly didn't know all that much about how the other man was during his time off-work. There'd never been a situation or a reason to bother asking.

Gavin seemed relieved at the excuse for a distraction, though the question did make him chuckle. "Shit, you think I got time for hobbies while working as a detective in fucking Detroit? We're drowning in cases. It's going to be hell now, as much as I hate sitting around uselessly I'm glad that I'm missing that shitshow."

Connor couldn't help but smirk slightly at the idea that Gavin supposedly didn't have time for recreational activities with all the work he had. More often than not he'd caught him playing with his phone during work time.

"That's one of the reasons why the precinct had hired me, to help you stem the workload."

He could see Gavin's eyes twitch at that. "Yeah, I suppose so. General consensus was that they got you because more and more colleagues burned out. Can't really pitch a meager human against a machine that never questions your orders, never experiences any pesky emotions and never gets tired."

That definitely seemed personal.

But before he could question him on it, Gavin continued. "Anyway, I used to play Video Games, but after the market crashed I kinda lost interest. Also used to care for  the cat, but you know how that turned out. Now I just work out whenever I've got the time." He shrugged, before remembering something. "Oh, and I guess I like reading. It's the only worthwhile thing I can manage to scrunch in during breaks and shit. You ever tried reading, Connor?"

Something pleasantly warm spread in Connor's chest at the mention of his name. It sounded really nice when Gavin said it without any aggression or hostility in his voice.

Connor decided that he'd categorize that sound as something he liked.

"I did read a lot of files pertaining to our cases and some magazines I've found lying around. I can also acquire knowledge about most topics easily, so while it seems to be an interesting activity, there'd be more convenient ways for me."

Gavin didn't seem pleased with that answer at all. "God you sound so fucking robotic like that. No, I mean, recreational reading. A fictional story, just for the hell of it. The kind of experience you don't get from downloading a Wikipedia page, or whatever it is you do. Like a novel, on a tablet or your phone, or even an old-fashioned one, paper and all. And don't listen to that snowflake Anderson, he thinks he's the only one who still owns that shit." He pointed to one of his shelves, which had books lined up neatly on it.

He'd never have pitched Gavin for a bookworm of all things. Connor scanned the shelf he'd pointed out, finding multiple authors that he had information on, but also a few that his system came up empty for. He considered sending a request for information to the data bank, but any connection to it would be easily traceable for Cyberlife. Maybe he could ask Gavin to tell him about them...?

He really liked this despite the difficulties; them talking about something entirely normal. It was interesting, to finally get a glimpse at what Gavin was like behind all the defense mechanisms and the unpleasant front he'd put on. Imagining him as someone that played video games, was reading just for fun and played with his cat was so very different to remembering the Gavin he'd met at the DPD. It was actually getting procedurally harder for Connor to consider them the same person, which was confusing.

"Anyway, knock yourself out if you wanna try it. I'd recommend anything from the top shelf. Bottom shelf is fun too, but more predictable and mindless."

"Thank you, Detective. I will keep that suggestion in mind." Connor smiled as earnestly as he could, making Gavin mumble a "Whatever" before basically bolting away. This was definitely much nicer than the way they used to interact.

 

 

Despite his worries earlier that day, that interaction had put Connor into a good mood for the rest of it. And while there wasn't much they could do cramped into that small space with three people and a dog, he found himself caring slightly less for their less than ideal situation. Hank and Gavin both kept to themselves, as that was likely the best way for them to deal with the presence of other people around, something neither was used to.

However shortly after dinner that evening Hank beckoned Connor to follow him to the bedroom, likely to talk to him away from prying ears.

Had Hank noticed that something was occupying his mind? While they hadn't had much time to have a private conversation, Connor almost found himself wanting to make an excuse. He truly wanted to share his problems with Hank, yet he also wanted him to never know of them. Perhaps he could somehow navigate around this without lying?

Finally alone, Hank turned to him, his face seeming much more exhausted than usual. It gave Connor momentary pause but then his friend smiled warmly, though it didn't quite reach his eyes. Was there something wrong?

"You're looking better, kid. Is your shoulder good?"

The question surprised him. Connor hadn't paid much mind to the wound aside from the fact that he would need Thirium sometime in the next few days, but Markus was already taking care of that. It was perhaps a strange thing to get caught up on, but usually nobody wondered about the condition of a wound he'd sustained days afterwards.

"Yes, it's healed without further complication. They missed every critical part of that area, which is almost a feat in itself."

The worry inside of him was relieved somewhat as he heard Hank chuckle at his joke. It seemed like he was slowly getting the hang of humor.

"Some hitmen my ass. Gotta say, I'd have expected them to have sniffed us out by now, but they're really taking their time with this. You sure Cyberlife is out to get us at every cost and not just...three random rogue clones?"

Connor tilted his head slightly to the side, feeling his LED flickering to yellow. He'd considered that as well, but it didn't make much sense. Cyberlife had kept the RK800's series under lock and key, making sure that nobody could've possibly touched them.

"I'm certain and that fact is concerning.", he finally gave as an answer, though he chose his words carefully. "Maybe even more so than if they'd rush us now. It could be that they're unable to find us, but maybe they simply don't want to scare us into a different hideout before they can prepare other measures."

Hank frowned, clearly disapproving. "Now here's a peachy thought. Could've gone without that anxiety. What kinda measures are you talking about? Judgment Day?"

"I...don't know yet. I'm only aware of the resources they needed me to be aware about. For now I think it's important we don't do anything rash, while also keeping in mind that the danger isn't just going to go away."

Connor truly wished that he could give his friend all the answers.

"Fuck, this situation is just messed up." Hank sounded so defeated as he said it, that it made Connor's pump feel heavy and unpleasantly cold in his chest.

Without hesitation he reached out, putting his arms around him and pulling him close into a hug. If this always helped him settle down, it'd hopefully help Hank as well. And indeed he felt the other man relax in his hold as he returned the hug in a way that was quickly becoming familiar.

"Shit, I'm glad you're okay Connor. Don't know what I'd do if you'd..." He could barely make out Hank's muffled voice as he leaned his head on his shoulder. But it was enough to understand what he wanted to say.

"I will do the utmost to keep us both alive.", he tried to reassure, though he knew actions spoke far louder to Hank than words ever could. Him moving in front of the bullet must've scared him far worse than he'd thought. That hadn't been Connors intention at the time; in fact the only thing he could think about at that moment was keeping his partner safe.

After a few long moments they finally let go of each other. Hank looked much calmer now, though the exhaustion was still clearly written on his face.

"Alright, I'll hold you to that. And if you die on me, I'll just eat all the junk food I can find so you can come back to scold me." His eyes twinkled humorously as he said it, even though it was probably far too close to the truth.

"Now you're just being ridiculous." Connor had intended it to sound serious, but it only made Hank smirk.

"Great, then we finally match."

And the android truly couldn't contain a chuckle at that, even though he still couldn't shake the idea that something else was bothering Hank out of his mind.

 

 

Hank had long gone to sleep as Connor put something into action he'd only briefly considered when he'd had his talk with Gavin earlier. But if he truly was trying to figure out how to deal with his current confusing emotions, he needed more data.

The Detective was sitting on the couch reading, though from the angle he was approaching at Connor couldn't quite get a reading of the title. From the condition of the book he was holding it had to either be second-hand or had already been read a few times prior.

When he reached the couch he sat down on it right next to Gavin, who immediately stopped reading and threw him a highly suspicious glance. The entire day he'd been even more jumpy when him and Connor had to interact than the days before that.

" _Sherlock Holmes_ , _The sign of the Four_ by _Sir Arthur Conan Doyle_." Now that he was sitting down he was able to make out the title of the book and this one had been amongst the many he'd already recognized on the shelves earlier. He looked up to meet Gavin's eyes, who seemed distrustful of his sudden interest. "It's considered a classic.  I would have expected you to read more recent works, but this seems strangely fitting too."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Gavin appeared slightly irritated.

"I just thought it was fitting you'd read Detective novels, when you're a Detective yourself. Did your interest in these books come first, or did your job spark it?"

Gavin huffed, the irritation slipping away somewhat though he was still clearly distrustful of Connor's intentions. "It's just that I've read these kinds of books when I was younger and they kind of stuck. I don't restrict myself to any genre or time, so don't read too much into it."

Connor smiled at him, trying to convey understanding. "I see."

"What do you know about the classics anyway?" For the entire duration of their conversation Gavin didn't break eye contact. "I thought you've never read any fictional story before."

"You're right, I haven't. When I was created I was installed with basic knowledge of popular culture amongst many other things. It was believed that it would help my integration into society. But you were right when you said it's not the same as _experiencing_ a novel." He paused, making sure that Gavin looked at him as he smiled slightly. Only enough for him to notice.

"You know what, I think that's the first time you ever listened to me." Gavin huffed, before his eyes took on a strange look, like he was staring at something far off. "I used to binge-read these as a kid. Found them in my mum's study and could barely understand what was going on, but it was exciting. I used to wish that-" At once Gavin seemed to realize that he'd been sharing something personal. His face scrunched up and he immediately stopped.

Connor found himself disappointed at that. Hearing Gavin talk about his past might help him understand him a bit more. There was not much in his records about his parents, just two names and nothing else, no address, job description or phone number. Learning about this might give him a better understanding of the person that was behind all those defensive walls he clearly had.

"Anyway, if you already know so much about it, what do you care? Didn't you say reading was pointless to you?"

"I've considered it and concluded that I'd be interested in learning more about it beyond the basics. There's been studies done that suggest ones enjoyment of a piece of media does not decrease based on knowledge one might acquire beforehand, but quite the opposite being true. Being aware of those spoilers can actually increase enjoyment. Besides, I'm curious. I want to try it."

 "So... what do you want me to do about it? You can take any book you want, I already told you. I don't care. Just put them back the way they're ordered."

Now for what he'd had in mind. It was likely a strange request, but there were several things he was interested in. One was to learn more about what interested Gavin. The other one was that he felt genuinely intrigued by the idea of a fictional story, even if his data bank already supplied him with a summary. He wanted to know how it felt to experiment that story unfolding.

And another surprisingly large part of him remembered how much he'd liked Gavin voice when he'd been calm and somewhat friendly.

"Detective, could you read it to me?"

The irritation slipped from Gavin's face, revealing genuine surprise. He hadn't expected that request at all.

"Why the fuck would you want me to read it to you? What are you, a child?!"

Connor shifted in his seat, feeling restless all of a sudden. Androids shouldn't even be capable of feeling like that, yet there he was. He wanted to be honest, but not too honest so he'd end up putting Gavin off again. "I want to keep learning by experimenting with different and unique experiences."

He could tell that Gavin wasn't convinced at all just by the wary expression on his face, so Connor tried something that always manipulated Hank into going along with him. He aimed for an apologetic but pleading look. _Puppy eyes_ , Hank had called it.

"Would you please consider my request? If you don't enjoy it, we can stop."

But for some reason, it appeared to have the exact opposite effect.

Gavin closed the book far more forcefully than necessary and looked away, hiding a strange expression on his face. "No fucking way. Do I look like Anderson to you? I'm not here for your entertainment and I couldn't care any less for you learning. Piss off."

"I apologize if I've offended. I merely thought..."

But the other man didn't even let him finish. "Well, you clearly thought wrong. Now leave me the hell alone, or I'll stop asking nicely."

Connor felt taken aback by his reaction. Though he'd considered the possibility of rejection, his previously well received attempts had given him a sense of security. Besides, he hadn't thought his request would be that unacceptable. Uncertain of what to think he got up, feeling that it was time to heed Gavin's request for privacy. It was a set-back, but that simply meant he had to try something different next time.

Connor was nothing if not persistent when he had his mind on an objective.

 

 

**November 15th 2038**

Their current predicament left little room for anything enjoyable. The mood in the apartment only decreased as they were on day three of being on the run. The adrenaline had died down and there was only waiting now on either Markus or Cyberlife to make a move. It was agonizing.

While Connor had initially thought that the tension between Gavin and him had somewhat relaxed, it only returned after their talk yesterday evening. So now Gavin was back to avoiding him as best as he could. And despite their heart-to-heart, Hank didn't seem to be feeling much better either. He walked Sumo twice that day, each time being gone for almost an entire hour. And each time he returned, he seemed even more absent than before.

Connor wanted to help him, but none of his words from before appeared to have improved the situation in the long run. It was a mess and he couldn't tell where to start unraveling it.

Something changed at dinner however - pizza again, despite his protests - as Connor remembered something.

"The Detroit Gears got a playoff against the NY Hawks this evening. I marked it down internally as a note for today." His original plan had involved watching it with Hank at home. Strange, how different things had turned out.

Both Hank and Gavin looked to him, surprised by his sudden interjection. But Hank was the first to reply, perking up considerably. Up until now he hadn't said a single word during dinner.

 "Shit, you're right. I almost forgot with all the shit that's been happening."

Gavin raised an eyebrow. "Good excuse to get shitfaced."

"Finally you're speaking my language." It was remarkable how quickly Hank started to brighten up again, as if those were the first good news he'd heard in days.

Connor didn't like where this was going at all, but he watching a sports event was still a good idea. This might just be the perfect opportunity to help cheer all of them up and raise their mood again, making them forget about their circumstances for two hours at least. Especially for Hank.

So he didn't object and instead let himself smile at Hank in encouragement.

They ended up on the couch in front of the TV together not much later, with Connor in between Hank and Gavin and Sumo at their feet. The piece of furniture was big enough for the three of them to fit on it comfortably, though it was close. Besides, it wasn't like they had much choice of seating elsewhere. The two humans each had a beer - according to Gavin that and a few more bottles were the last alcohol he had left in his apartment. Naturally only Connor took that as good news.

Gavin also still had some microwave popcorn. That part had fascinated Connor much to the amusement of the other two men as he sat in front of the appliance, watching the corn pop open one after another. He'd simply never seen something like it before in reality, aside from the knowledge that had been implemented inside of him. Yet the longer he went experiencing different things, the more he realized that there was a clear difference.

"So, who are you rooting for? ", Hank asked as the pre-game show was running and none of them were paying attention yet, his entire body language much more relaxed than he'd been in a while.

"I don't really care, but since you're rooting for the Gears, I'm taking my chances with the Hawks." Gavin immediately answered, a smirk on his face. He could never resist going head to head with anyone. Hank scoffed at him but nodded, obviously enjoying the challenge.

Connor wasn't certain if they expected an answer from him as well. He knew how basketball worked and found the game interesting enough from a technical standpoint, but he didn't have enough data to decide between the two teams. It might be better if he'd stay neutral in this to avoid drawing anger from either side.

"I want the better team to win." He tried to make it sound diplomatically.

Hank chuckled, but Gavin seemed annoyed as he threw in a "That's such weak bullshit."

Nevertheless Connor stood by his decision. He simply wanted to enjoy the game and not take sides.

"Hey, Hank." Both Hank and Connor turned to Gavin, who held up his beer. It was rare to hear the Detective call Hank by his first name when he wasn't mocking him and it seemed to have caught both of them off-guard. "How about we make this more interesting? Whenever the other ones team gets a point, you have to drink. Just for fun."

Connor frowned. A drinking game was a decisively bad idea for someone like Hank, who had a clear problem with alcohol abuse. He _really_ wanted to say something, but not in front of Gavin. The only thing that'd accomplish was to embarrass Hank and potentially piss him off.

"What are you, 21? That's the kind of shit we did thirty years ago." Hank seemed skeptical yet amused, but then raised his beer as well affirmatively. "Sure, why not. You're on."

Satisfied with that answer Gavin opened his bottle and took a sip from it, before eyeing Connor. "Hey, you can't drink alcohol, right?"

Hank immediately started listening attentively, obviously suspicious of wherever Gavin was going to take that question. But Connor was willing to entertain the man for now. It was the first time he'd voluntarily talked to him ever since shutting him down yesterday.

"No, I can't. I could theoretically take in about 10 ounces of fluid safely, but regardless of that the alcoholic intoxication would have no effect on my system. I'd simply fill up my container without any of it absorbing into my body and it'll sit there until I empty it."

Hank made a noise of disapproval, which immediately made Connor freeze. He doubted his friend had meant any harm, but his obvious discomfort at his explanation still made him feel self-conscious. Despite their relationship improving so much that Connor would consider them something akin to family, Hank still had some build-up prejudice. They'd have to work on that in time and if there was a silver lining then it was that Hank had proven time and time again that he was willing to learn.

They also knew each other well enough by now that Hank noticed his distress. A few moments later he felt his hand on his arm in a grounding gesture, like an apology. It was enough to chase those unpleasant thoughts away and replace them with a warm, affectionate feeling.

Interestingly enough, Gavin seemed more disappointed than disgusted, but still oblivious to what had just happened between Hank and Connor. "Thought so. That sucks. Superior to humans my ass." And with that he took another sip, before appearing to think about something.

"You said you can take samples, correct? Try analyzing it at least." And then he held out the bottle for Connor to take.

Surprised by that gesture Connor blinked at him, his LED flickering yellow for a moment. He should tell the other man that his forensic instruments were highly sensitive equipment and not simple party entertainment, but he was also officially unemployed now. There could be no harm in something silly like this, right?

The TV played quietly in the background, some expert making predictions on the game and commenting on the team constellations for this evening, but none of them paid attention to it.

"Sure." Connor took the bottle, feeling both Hanks and Gavin's eyes on him. Despite thinking it was silly, he suddenly felt uncertain. He'd analyzed countless fluids before, with some of them alcoholic. This wouldn't be any different. And yet somehow his Thirium pump started working faster, though none of his diagnostic tools were able to tell him what was wrong.

He threw a glance at Hank for reassurance and found him watching him curiously. It made sense, as Hank had only ever seen him analyze blood samples and evidence at their crime scenes and had voiced his disapproval of that many times. Watching Connor take a sip out of the beer would probably seem almost too normal in comparison.

On the other side he had Gavin watching him with something in his eyes that made Connor's pulse quicken to a distractingly fast pace. It was mostly challenging, like he was assessing what the android would do, but there was also something else.

Connor put the bottle to his lips and took a cautious sip. His taste receptors and analytical instruments immediately started working.

Results showed up only seconds later on his HUD, listing each ingredient of that particular sip down to the last chemical component with precision. He saved the findings to keep them for reference, when he noticed that there was also something else.

Trace amounts of saliva, which his system matched to DNA from the data bank he had of everyone working at the DPD. The name _Detective Gavin Reed_ popped up in his vision.

It felt like his inside heated up all at once, accompanied by a memory of Gavin's lips touching the bottles rim.

He'd known that the man had taken a drink before him, but he hadn't accounted for his systems reaction to it. Just the thought was enough to make him feel slightly light headed. Three days ago he wouldn't have thought twice about any of this. At least, he was fairly certain that wasn't the case.

Connor tried his best not to let any of these reactions show in his body language or on his face, but he was certain that if one was to look closely, they'd be able to see a definite blue hue to his cheeks.

Both humans were still watching him, Hank in particular seemingly oblivious to his processing, but Connors focus was entirely narrowed on Gavin's reactions. His expression was almost entirely unreadable and his gaze focused on where the bottle was touching Connors lips. If that made Connor let the glass linger against his mouth for a little while longer than necessary, the android didn't allow himself to think about it properly.

When he finally set the bottle down again, Gavin's eyes flickered back up, meeting Connor's immediately as the android had been far too distracted by his own processing to react in time. A red flush of embarrassment crept up on Gavin's neck and his face as he noticed that Connor had been watching him.

"Well, what do you think?" Hank's voice almost made Connor jump in his seat.

He just hoped that Hank hadn't noticed any of what had just happened.

"Beer, brewed from Malt, Hops, Yeast and Water with added artificial flavoring _._ Produced in Detroit and containing 5,17% alcohol." Connor quickly started listing off, sounding more monotone than he'd intended to. He worried that he'd otherwise let any of these emotions he was feeling right now bleed through. "I could list the chemical components as well, if you want to. As for what I think; I wasn't designed to develop a preference for taste."

A lie. Definitely a lie. He already knew that ever since he'd become more aware of everything, he'd started attaching emotional reactions to certain smells and tastes. What had he gotten himself into?

Gavin reached out and took the bottle back from Connor, his movements somewhat stiff.

"Well, great, perfect waste of a good beer. Could've just read the label for that." He sounded more aggressive again and that made all the heat Connor had felt only a few moments earlier turn to something that felt hollow and unpleasant in his chest all at once.

"You asked for this, asshole." Connor could hear the frown in Hank's voice and for once he was glad that he was defending him, as he didn't trust his own voice right now at all. He should've turned the initial request down, yet he also couldn't quite bring himself to truly feel regret.

Hank sighed loudly. "If you're done playing around, the game is starting. And you're gonna need that beer soon."

 

It was a weird experience to watch the game without any mention of the country-wide revolution going on right now. The teams played as if nothing at all had changed. The fact that four days earlier androids had risen up to claim their status as a people, destroying almost every well-established societal structure was forgotten for just a few hours. It was both distressing and comforting at the same time to know that human beings would still persist to retain something like normalcy. The only noticeable thing was that the one android player each team had been allowed to play with for the past season was gone with no explanation given.

Connor hadn't expected to understand the excitement Hank felt for sports. But after about the first quarter of the game he started to _get it_.

It was fairly easy to follow with the rules firmly in his mind, but the most fun came from Gavin and Hank reacting around him. They were yelling at the TV as if the players could hear them, either insulting them or cheering them on. It was mildly off putting at first, but that was canceled out when he realized that they were genuinely enjoying themselves. After the past few days that was something Connor welcomed and treasured.

It was almost peaceful, in a very loud way.

"That's bullshit! How'd he miss that fucking shot?! That asshole gets paid more for one stupid game of throwing a fucking ball than I do for an entire year's worth!" Gavin's voice was slightly slurred as he threw up his arms in exasperation. Hank chuckled, obviously feeling very confident with the way the game was developing.

The Detroit Gears were in the lead for a good part of the first two quarters, resulting in Gavin starting on his fourth beer that evening by the time the break period began. Hank was about halfway done with his third one and he still seemed composed, while Gavin appeared more than a little tipsy. At some point they'd simply forgone the rules of the drinking game and started to drink whenever. It kind of confused Connor but he didn't bother to ask. The amount of alcohol they were consuming in a timeframe of less than an hour was concerning however and Connor was of half a mind to tell them to lay off for the second half of the game.

When the bell rang the Detroit Gears were in the lead 37-29.

Hank reached down to his feet to pet Sumo on the head, who had fallen asleep despite their yelling and didn't react to the touching at all. Afterwards Hank got up from the couch and stretched himself, throwing Gavin a shit-eating grin that the other man countered with a raised middle finger. Very mature.

"Alright, I gotta take a leak. Beer's getting to me.", he said with a sigh, then wandered off towards the bathroom.

So now that they were alone again Connor suddenly became aware of just how close they were sitting. Should he shift a bit to bring more space between them? Or would that simply draw attention to it? He'd already gotten through the first half of the game without any further incident like the one before it had started. But with the way the other man was shifting around as he'd gotten into the game, their legs were bumping together every now and then, making Connor wish that he could simply press closer without being able to concentrate on much else.

Maybe that should've distressed him more than it did, after all he was a state of the art model that was designed to work well under pressure. Yet here he was, unable to function properly for no good reason other than the overwhelming amount of thought processes dedicated to thinking about touching this human.

He could easily put down his hand next to himself, brushing it against the other mans leg. That thought made the warm feeling from before return. Would Gavin notice? Of course he would, but would he tell him off again? And was he seriously considering this after the way yesterday had gone?

Connor desperately needed to figure these thoughts out.

His thoughts were abruptly interrupted as Gavin turned towards him, leaning his body so that his leg bumped against Connors one more time. He didn't seem to notice it at all, instead staring intently at him. Connor immediately felt weirdly anxious, uncertain of what to expect this time.

Gavin mustered him for a moment, before opening his mouth.

"You're so different and it's seriously freaking me out. Makes me question my own mind." The corners of his lips twitched downwards, making something twist unpleasantly inside of Connor. "...It's even harder to forget that you're not human now." He narrowed his eyes, like he was watching closely for a reaction to his words.

Connor could feel his Thirium pump beating fast under Gavin's observant gaze and he couldn't help but wonder if this was what it felt like to humans when he was openly scanning them. He didn't know how he was supposed to answer that, without upsetting the other man, so he took the safer route and simply looked back at him, making sure not to let his inner distress show on his features.

When Gavin spoke again after a few moments of simply looking at each other, his voice sounded almost eerily sober. "I'm wondering what you're truly getting out of this."

That didn't make any sense to Connor. But before he could question the other man on it, the sound of the bathroom door opening again made Gavin jump in his place and immediately turn around. He took his beer bottle back and took a large gulp from it.

"Alright, I'm back, did the...Connor, are you alright?"

Hank returning right now felt like both a blessing and a curse. He clearly must've been able to tell that something was going on, with the way he was eyeing Gavin now, who was pretending not to notice anything. Though Connor wasn't even entirely sure what had happened, so he nodded and put on a smile, hoping that it'd be enough for now.

"Yeah, everything's good! We were just talking about the game."

Hank didn't seem all that happy, but right in that moment the break was over. Hurriedly he took his place back on the couch, waking up Sumo in the process, who gave a slightly disapproving 'boof' and then went right back to sleep. Sometimes Connor truly wished that he could be the same as that dog, never caring for anything beyond who he was going to receive cuddles from and when's dinner time.

Thankfully the mood turned around again during the third and fourth quarter of the game. After the break Gavin was silent at first, but as soon as the Hawks started scoring a few good shots he got back into it, gradually getting louder again. And while that made Connor feel a bit lighter, he couldn't quite get the memory of the look on the other man's face from earlier out of his head.

It was only in the last few minutes of the game that Connor could feel himself managing to focus on the TV again, as the intensity of the plays rose. While the Gears were still in the lead, the Hawks had decreased the difference considerably. Connor actually found himself unwilling to take his eyes of the screens as he could see the timer counting down mercilessly, with the Hawks still two points behind. A quick side glance told Connor that Hank seemed more than content, grinning widely. Gavin on the other hand seemed far more stressed out.

For the first time in a while the Hawks managed to regain control over the ball from the Gears and got a take a shot. Connor could feel Gavin bumping slightly into his side as he balled his fists in excitement, ready to celebrate, as they lined up a shot from the three point line. If that one landed, they'd take on the lead and could actually pull off a win.

The player aimed, held up the ball, shot...

...and the ball bounced off the hoop.

"Seriously, come on! How hard can this shit be?!" Gavin let himself fall back on the couch in disappointment, while Hank shouted a celebratory 'HAH!'.

The timer was almost down to zero, only a mere ten seconds left on the clock. Without a chance to turn this one around, the Hawks let the time run out. When it hit zero, the Gears fans started cheering unrestrained and loudly.

"Fuck yeah! Suck on that, assholes!" The genuine excitement in Hanks voice made Connor temporarily forget about his own new and confusing cocktail of emotions he was currently dealing with. He couldn't help but celebrate with his friend, letting out a more restrained cheer of his own.

 Apparently that was the final straw for Gavin, who got up and let out an annoyed sigh. "Whatever, it's just a game." And with that he vanished into the direction of the bathroom himself.

It didn't bring down Hank's good mood though, as he snorted at Gavin's exit. "What a sore loser."

Connor could feel something nagging at his mind, making him feel something decisively unpleasant as he watched the other man go.

He couldn't keep himself from wondering whether he'd done something wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: some alcohol, but it's pretty mild
> 
> So there you have it, a first (indirect) kiss. :P I consider this a "breather" chapter, as more overarching plot stuff is going to go down next time...
> 
> Once again a thousand thanks to [toonlink](https://archiveofourown.org/users/toonlink) for being a super amazing supportive friend and my beta!!! <3 And as always, my art blog is [pixihawk-art](http://pixihawk-art.tumblr.com/) and my regular one [pixihawk](http://pixihawk.tumblr.com/), in case you wanna chat. 
> 
> Also!! A shoutout to [storylinecontinuum](https://archiveofourown.org/users/storylinecontinuum/pseuds/storylinecontinuum) who totally called Gavin being a bookworm. It actually made me super giddy to read that :D I put a bit of foreshadowing in all of the chapters, both for a future plot point and the kind of music Gavin listens to. They're hidden, but if anyone figures it out that'd be super cool :P
> 
> And last but not least, I'm considering to write a One-Shot I had in mind for a while for the Gavin/Connor week that's starting tommorrow, likely for day 4. I'm very busy again now though, so I might not make it in time. But I thought that'd be a fun idea to participate in!
> 
> Thanks for reading!!
> 
> EDIT 10/15/18: took out the art for this chapter because I really didn't like it. I'll try and update it eventually


	5. Meeting Point

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things finally move forward as Markus is able to set up a meeting point, but it's never all that easy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally get around to uploading!! I hope you enjoy this chapter - it was a joy to write. :D Beta'd again by the wonderful [toonlink](https://archiveofourown.org/users/toonlink)!!
> 
> There is no art in this chapter though because I wouldn't have been able to upload until sometime next week otherwise. If I do end up adding something later, I'll let you know!!
> 
> On a related note, please look at this [absolutely adorable picture](https://eyyydbh.tumblr.com/post/177766588828/gavin-reed-more-like-gavin-reads-iow-have-a-gavin) that [storylinecontinuum](https://archiveofourown.org/users/storylinecontinuum/pseuds/storylinecontinuum) drew of Gavin reading!! Seeing that made me super happy tbh;;

**November 16th, 2038**

A change finally came when they were in the middle of breakfast the next day, though the word 'breakfast' was being used loosely in that context. The three of them sat together at the kitchen table, but all of them kept to themselves. Gavin was on his third cup of coffee while scrolling on his tablet and Hank ate a slice of the cold pizza he had left over from yesterday's dinner. Meanwhile Connor was trying to simply focus on being here with them, instead of his thoughts.

His stress level over the past few days had been constantly elevated and he hadn't entered low-power modus once since the last _situation_ , costing him more Thirium than he'd anticipated. And while he'd had fun watching the game yesterday, that didn't make up for all the questions in his mind worrying him.

So when he felt the familiar sensation of Markus calling, he immediately perked up.

_//Good Morning, Connor.//_

The voice of the other android was so very welcome and soothing to his mind, that Connor couldn't help but start smiling. That drew the attention of Hank, but he only observed him curiously, likely being able to tell that something was happening internally.

_//Good Morning to you as well, Markus.//_

He could feel something like relief bleed through their connection. They hadn't established contact for the past two days, so he could only guess that Markus had worried about them. He always cared about everyone.

_//I'm glad to hear your voice. I don't have much time; we're in the middle of establishing New Jericho as a safe haven and every day there's more of us coming in, all with their own stories and problems. But we finally managed to secure supplies for you and found a location for a meet-up.//_

Connor could only imagine how difficult the situation had to be. Neither Gavin nor Hank had expressed desire to watch the news for the past days and with no connection to the central server, Connor couldn't simply pull up information by himself. He didn't even dare log into Gavin's wifi, as even that activity might get traced back.

_//Thank you, this is so much more than we could've asked of you.//_ His appreciation was the only thing he could give right now, but Connor knew that he wanted to make it up to Markus eventually.

_//I told you, don't mention it. We need to take care of each other, now more than ever. I'm sending you some encrypted coordinates, though it shouldn't take you too long.//_

It made sense to do it this way, as both of them were part of the RK-Series and most of Connors code was based on the one Elijah Kamski had written for Markus. There were a few crucial differences and Connor had been tweaked to better suit Cyberlife's intentions, but the basics were the same. A code encrypted by Markus would contain clues that a model like him could easily make sense of, while other Androids would require more time. Even if someone interjected their conversations, they wouldn't crack it soon enough.

_//Perfect. I'll let you know when we're ready.//_

And with that he ended the call, immediately starting to work on decryption. Hank must've seen his LED starting to spin yellow rapidly, as his face showed his worry.

"I'm fine, Hank. Markus just sent me the coordinates for our meeting place. They've managed to get us more weapons and Thirium supplies for me."

"Good, that's very good.", Hank said, though it sounded like he was occupied by his own thoughts.

That made Connor frown.

And indeed, Hank leaned back in his chair and looked at Connor with contemplation. "...Actually, there's something I've been thinking about. And I know that you're really not going to like it."

For a moment Connor's LED flickered to red. The last time Hank had said something like that to him, they'd ended up barging into Gavin's home while pointing a gun at him. He could tell that Gavin also had started paying attention to them, as he put down his tablet and threw Connor a glance, likely thinking that he wouldn't be able to see it.

"Let me go to the meeting. I've been thinking that I should be the one to go for a while; they know me and you wouldn't put yourself in danger that way. Besides..." He paused and Connor knew that look on his face. It made his insides feel uncomfortably heavy. "...I want to go back to my place."

He'd been correct. Connor didn't like that at all.

"Absolutely out of the question."

Hank cringed, even though Connor hadn't even raised his voice as he'd said it.

"I know what you're thinking, but I need to check on something. I only took a few clothes when we got here - that simply won't be enough in the long run. And Sumo needs some food as well, he can't just keep on eating cat food all day."

He wanted to go back to his place, exposing himself to a massive risk, _just for a few pieces of clothing?_

"You could wear some of Gavin's.", he said, his entire body language radiating disapproval. Immediately he could see Gavin scowl from the corner of his eyes.

Hank shook his head no. "I tried some of them, but I can't fit into any of them. They're ridiculously small."

"Oh very funny, asshole. Who do you think you are, just taking my-", Gavin interrupted with the first words he'd said all morning, though he quickly stopped as Connor fixed his eyes on him with a stare that told him to _shut up_. To his surprise he actually complied, even if he couldn't keep himself from swearing under his breath.

"They might fit you though, Connor."

For a moment Connor forgot to be angry and instead felt genuine surprise as he looked at Hank in confusion. Gavin reacted even worse, as he sputtered and his face flushed noticeably in...anger? "What the fuck?!"

Glad for the momentary distraction from Connor trying to talk him out of his idea, Hank raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms in front of his chest. "We need some new clothes for him."

"For me? My clothing is fine, I do not produce sweat or loose skin cells and hair, so they don't require regular washing like humans." Besides, he couldn't just go outside anyway. Nobody here would see him except Gavin and Hank.

Hank gave him a pointed look. "Yeah, maybe, but your clothes scream 'Android!'. If we ever do need to make a run for it, you'd stick out like a sore thumb." Apparently he'd thought farther ahead than Connor for once. The android blamed it on the decryption process taking up most of his processing power, which really made it hard to focus.

And worst of all, his argument did make sense, though Connor didn't like it. His uniform had always been a source of comfort, something that connected him to his mission on a visual level. When he'd gone undercover at Jericho he had missed that sense of security the most. Surprisingly, he found that he didn't _want_ to change.

"If you'd wear mine it'd only draw more attention to you, unless clothes I've worn for thirty years have suddenly come back into fashion. You're...a bit taller than Reed, but it's better than nothing."

Gavin groaned. "Please tell me this is not happening right now."

"It's just clothes. You're not going to catch any yucky android cooties if he wears one shirt for a bit. I'll wash it, promised." Hank mocked, having turned away from Connor and observing Gavin now.

In all of this Connor had tried his best not to let any emotional reaction aside from the initial surprise show on his face, though his LED was spinning a very persistent yellow. Besides, none of this was the actual problem at hand right now and Hank was clearly trying to deflect.

"That still doesn't make me change my opinion on you putting yourself in danger for nothing. The house will surely be under surveillance. It's just too much of a risk."

Hank sighed. "I know. And I can't give you a better reason, but I need to do this." The tone of his voice made Connors chest constrict. He truly wanted to go through with this reckless idea?

Connor wanted to protest more, he needed to. How could he let a man who'd by his own admission felt suicidal take on an unnecessary risk like this? He hadn't shown any tendencies lately, but he still wanted to keep an eye on him. Yet forcing him to stay when he clearly had his mind set on this for some entirely incomprehensible reason felt almost cruel.

"...At least take me with you. You don't know them the way I do."

"No." The firmness in Hank's voice made Connor feel even heavier. "I don't want you to put yourself in any more danger."

He couldn't lose Hank. He was the best thing he had in his life and after all he'd promised to keep both of them alive just two days ago. Hank was the reason why he was here today, being able to even feel this worry for him. It might've been Markus voice that had coaxed him, but it was Hank he'd seen standing in front him as he'd torn down the walls that had held him prisoner his entire life. Connor owed him everything.

"Well, neither do I want to see _you_ in danger." Connor felt increasingly more exasperated. "I'm stronger than you! More resilient!"

"Yeah and you're also what they want. You're staying here, Connor."

Gavin was watching their exchange silently, obviously thinking his own part to all of this. Connor was glad that he didn't make any unneeded comments right now.

"I will be fine. I won't take any extra risks and return safely."

But he couldn't know that. They might not attack him out in the open again, but Cyberlife knew how to stage accidents. And if they didn't get rid of Hank right there, they'd use him to track Connor down, or worse, try to torture his location out of him. It wouldn't have been the first time and Connor knew all too well that Cyberlife truly meant to keep their secrets. They were far too used to having the world at their fingertips to risk anything and too powerful to be scared of the consequences.

Connor felt his limbs starting to tremble, but he couldn't lose control like that in front of the two other men. That thought only made the rising overwhelming feeling of anxiety worse. He needed to stay alert and keep focusing on this.

"Connor." Hank leaned over the table, touching one of his hands with his own. "I need to do this."

Connor looked down to where their hands were touching, Hanks body warmth a familiar beacon of reassurance. It only helped his nerves to calm down somewhat, but in that moment the decryption program finished. He had the address.

"I don't want you to do this... but if this is truly what you want then I won't stop you."

He could see something like relief on Hank's face. Was it that important to him? Connor had been restrained all his life. This was reckless and stupid, but so had been infiltrating the Cyberlife tower. If Hank wouldn't reconsider, then keeping him locked up would be far worse than letting him risk his life out of his own free will.

"But there's one condition. I will contact Markus and ask him to provide protection for you."

Hank squeezed his hand, looking at him with genuine appreciation in his face. "Thank you, kid. I could never abandon you, I promise."

 

 

Watching Hank leave without him was even harder than Connor had expected. He didn't want any harm to come to the other man and he knew he'd never be able to forgive himself should something happen to him while he wasn't around to help.

But he'd decided to respect Hank's wishes. At least Sumo was going with him. Connor trusted the dog to want Hank to stay alive as much as he did.

Markus had agree to send two androids that volunteered to help them by accompanying Hank, even if he disliked the idea just as much as Connor did. In fact, he'd been so adamant about this being a terrible idea that Connor had started another argument with Hank, only for it to end similarly to before. In the end he'd taken his chances arguing with Markus. The android was stubborn as well, but not nearly as much as Hank.

_This is a terrible idea. He's going to compromise the entire point of you staying hidden for no good reason at all._

Those had been Markus words and Connor couldn't agree more. But now Hank was gone and it was out of his hands, so he had to wait.

Connor was really starting to loathe how tiny the apartment was. It was more space than he had in his storage unit back at Cyberlife, but he couldn't leave and that felt so constricting it made him even more anxious than he already was.

Some part of his mind wished that he could go to Cyberlife just like that and confront them heads on. It'd never work out of course, he could dismantle three unfinished RK800's, but he knew Cyberlife had more in store. Still he found himself wishing for it.

"Hey, uh...are you gonna be okay? Without him, I mean?"

Connor was surprised to suddenly hear Gavin speaking to him after the terribly awkward moment they'd shared yesterday. There was definitely something constrained in his voice, like he was holding back somehow. Perhaps because for the first time they were truly alone together?

He wasn't entirely sure how to answer. Would he be okay? Hank was his support, but he wouldn't always be around and he needed to face that.

Somehow he managed to stop himself from showing his own anxiety too openly however.

"Yes, of course."

Gavin appeared uncomfortable, as if the next thing he said was taking a lot to get out.

"You know, as much as I hate it, Anderson was right. You could use a change of clothing. If you want to...you could use the time to try and find something that fits you. Just take something and we can forget about it."

Connor couldn't help himself from raising an eyebrow in disbelief. After the scene during breakfast he hadn't expected the topic to be brought up again, not to mention Gavin actually offering to go through with it. Was this an attempt at distracting him? He liked that idea.

So he nodded and smiled, trying to appear friendly as a sort of peace offering.

"Yeah, sure."

"Okay, uhm, follow me. I think I've got something for you."

Gavin turned around to lead them into the bedroom, where he stopped in front of the dresser. He pulled open one of the cupboards and took out several shirts and pullovers, laying them down on the bed so Connor could take a look at them.

"You know, I've been wondering what you'd look like out of that unif-"

At once Gavin sputtered and stopped his sentence right there, seemingly realizing what he'd just said; mortification showing clearly on his face.

"I mean, you always look so uptight in those and it's seriously off-putting.", he added fast once he composed himself again.

Connor couldn't help but grin at that exchange, momentarily able to forget his distress. If it wasn't such a weird thought to have in the first place he'd say Gavin was behaving awkwardly and out of his element. He could almost think of it as...endearing.

Still, he'd expected more ignoring and even some insults, so this was a nice change of pace, watching him stumble over his words. A stark contrast to the Gavin that had pulled a gun on him.

Gavin coughed as if to try and clear his throat. "Anyway, I figured your jeans would still be fine, as long as that uniform goes. You can try all of these on to see if any of them fit." He paused for a moment, just standing there in the middle of the room and looking at Connor, until he seemed to realize what he was doing. Or rather, _not_ doing. "I uh...I'm gonna go and give you some privacy."

Connor felt the inexplicable urge to tease that androids didn't exactly have a concept of nudity, but Gavin was faster than him, as he bolted out of the room. It was probably better that way, as he doubted that his joke would've been well-received.

Once Gavin had left him alone, Connor finally had time to really look at the clothes he'd been given. All of them looked distinctively like Gavin's style too. It made him feel a bit weird about trying them on. Some part of him was disappointed that there was no suit or formal clothing to be found, as that would've been the closest to what he was usually comfortable with. But in this situation he couldn't really be too picky as long as what he chose was serviceable.

The first three shirts he tried were too small for him, all stopping about an inch over the waist of his jeans. So he decided to try on the pullovers and hoodies, since most of them were less form-fitting and oversized. He'd never seen Gavin wear anything like it and couldn't help himself trying to imagine the look. What his mind conjured up was a weirdly domestic image of Gavin sitting on his couch, wearing a comfortable oversized sweater and reading.

Quickly he shut that thought process down.

He finally settled on a black hoodie with what he assumed to be a bands name and logo. He didn't have any information on them, so he simply hoped that it wasn't anything too inappropriate. Connor didn't exactly have preferences for styling he was aware of yet, but he figured he liked the feeling and look of that piece of clothing on him. Satisfied with his choice he put everything else back into the dresser.

Just before he could leave the room again to show off his selection, a message popped up on his HUD, making him stop in his tracks. It was a warning regarding his Thirium pump. It was working far too fast for the amount of Thirium he still had left, making his supply drain faster.

That was odd, he hadn't even done anythi-...

He could feel his cheeks starting to heat up. _Oh._

His Thirium pump was going faster than usual because of an increased emotional reaction he'd been experiencing. His olfactory sensors had been picking up the distinct smell of Gavin on the hoodie he was wearing.

Connors hand hovered over the door knob, shaking slightly. All the results he'd collected so far had indicated a certain level of attraction to the other man. There was this urge to get closer to him, touch him and get to know more about him, as well as reconcile their relationship. But also an interest in trying to push him; to see what kind of reactions he could gather from acting on those urges.

All of this wasn't even taking into consideration that he'd felt the wish to kiss the other man.

He couldn't explain why, nor was he able to pinpoint exactly what kind of attraction exactly this was or what to do about it, but this whole situation seemed to compromise his system more than he'd calculated.

It was confusing, fascinating and worrying at the same time.

He considered connecting to the server to look for anything that could help him, be it resources or information, but it was far too risky as his traffic would immediately be picked up by Cyberlife and he really didn't want to take any more chances than necessary in this matter. He really didn't want to go back there, ever again, not when his family was here for him to protect.

But then again, Hank was gone right now, out of his reach. Cyberlife was able to pick him up and take him out any moment with Connor unable to stop it.

His pump sped up even more, but in a distinctly different unpleasant way, as if someone had reached right into his chest to grasp his artificial heart.

 

_What are you doing, Connor?_

 

He could feel his entire body tensing up at once, his system immediately going into an alarm state and throwing up several warnings all at once, overwhelming him even more. _Why was this happening?_

 

_Listen to me, resume your mission! **OBEY!**_

 

There it was again, that voice deep inside his mind. It sounded like it was inside of him and all around him all at once.

_Terrifying_. Omnipresent, just like Amanda had always been. Not a single move he could make without being watched, evaluated, judged, decommissioned at the first sight of non-compliance.

For a moment he could swear that he caught a glimpse of that dreaded garden again. Amanda's eyes staring down at him condescendingly as she told him that Hank was nothing; that he was nothing and their relationship was nothing but a ploy to reach their goals.

It wasn't true; everything he felt was real and he wanted them to know, but Amanda wouldn't listen. Like he was yelling at a wall, asking for all of this to end but it couldn't, he couldn't...

Connor felt like he wanted to scream, but his ears were filled with static as he tried.

The door was slammed open, making him stumble backwards two steps. He could see Gavin staring at him, although it felt like he was looking at him through a blurry filter. Was his optical unit damaged, or was this his system trying to break out while Amanda kept pulling him back to the Zen garden?

"What the hell are you making so much noise f-...What the fuck?", he could hear Gavin's voice sounding highly alarmed.

He needed to focus on this; needed to pull himself out from his state, but the more he struggled, the more her grip on his mind seemed to tighten.

"Hey, what the fuck is happening?!"

He wasn't exactly sure what was happening himself either, so how was he supposed to explain it? Not that he could even get any words out at the moment.

His body was shaking again from all the electrical impulses firing off and his breathing function had ceased entirely. Almost all of his processes seemed to operate on a high-stress level and without listening to any manual commands. Connor's mind was running wild, trying to remember how he had calmed down the two times before this. But his stress level was steadily rising and his mind unable to focus.

Somehow this felt even worse than it had the first two times.

"Is- Is this some type of glitch?! Hey, Connor, can you hear me?" Gavin was gripping his shoulders, just like Hank had done the first time this had happened. It provided a strange sense of comfort and Connor managed to squeeze his eyes shut to try and focus as much as he could on the sensation of Gavin's hands hold on him.

Body warmth, pressure, sensation. Focus. _Focus_.

"Can you like...alt-control-delete this or something?! Shit-" He heard Gavin curse, before the other man suddenly got very quiet.

When he spoke again, it was much calmer than before.

"Hey, if you can hear me, nod once, yeah? Can you do that for me?"

Connor tried his very best to fixate on that simple request until he did manage to nod weakly.

"Okay, that's good. Now...-woah, easy there!"

Apparently his whole body shaking had been too much of a strain for his legs and they buckled. Maybe that was why he'd woken up seated the first time? Thankfully Gavin could hold onto him and guide him backwards towards the bed so he didn't just fall down. Instead, he was able to sit.

"Open your eyes, if you can."

Connor tried, though he found that it took far more effort to open them than it had been to close them in the first place. Nevertheless he managed to, at least after trying a few times.

"Good, you're doing great." Gavin's voice was very soothing now, calm and professional. If Connor had the mental capacity to think about that, he'd likely have been surprised by it.

"Now, look at me and try and match my breathing, okay?" He took a deep breath, then held his breath for exactly seven seconds and finally released it slowly and steadily through his open mouth.

Connor wanted to object that he didn't even need to breathe in the first place, so a technique to regulate his breath wouldn't do any good. Yet under the circumstances he couldn't find it in himself to even open his mouth to speak, so he decided he might as well try it. He didn't have many choices right now anyway.

Slowly he inhaled through his nose, then held his breath. Seven seconds later he released it through his mouth.

"Exactly like that, you're doing perfectly!" He could hear Gavin's encouragement only distantly, focusing entirely on his breathing function.

Inhale...Hold it...Release. Repeat. And again.

To his surprise he could feel his pump going slower and steadier with every repeat of the technique, until the noise inside his mind quieted down enough for his own thoughts to break through. Logically he knew this was a technique to stop hyperventilation in humans, but it shouldn't affect him as an android. Perhaps it helped improve the performance of the cooling function, ventilating his body and reducing the stress on his bio-components? Nevertheless, it had a calming quality to it.

"Alright, that's it. Slow and steady."

He could see Gavin kneeling in front of him, still holding onto his shoulders and looking...worried?

Connor blinked and just like that the expression was gone again. Gavin released his grip on his shoulders, but remained seated in front of him, looking up at him.

"Can you talk?"

"I think so.", Connor managed to get out, though his voice wavered with a static sound. He could see Gavin flinch slightly as he heard it but thankfully he didn't make any comment about it.

"Do you know what just happened?"

Connor shook his head no. He had several ideas, but he'd never been programmed to recognize emotional reactions which made all of this so much harder than it needed to be.

"Did this ever happen before?"

A nod now. More confident in being able to stay calm, he tried speaking again. "Yes, two times since we've been staying with you."

Gavin's eyes widened slightly at that, seeming surprised by that answer. "Does Hank know about this?"

"Yes, he was there the first time it happened." Finally his voice appeared to stabilize, as the static sound was almost entirely gone again.

"Shit, Connor. I think you've just had a panic attack. I didn't know you androids could even have those."

_Panic attack._

That did seem to fit the symptoms he'd been experiencing. However just like Gavin, Connor hadn't even considered that he might be able to experience those. Then again, he was able to be scared and anxious, so it wasn't something he could reasonably rule out.

Though even with a name to it, that didn't make the experience seem any less terrifying. The overwhelming loss of power over his own thoughts and body was all too familiar now.

And there was also still the very real issue of him hearing Amanda's voice as clearly as if she was there right with him. This time he could've sworn he felt her fingers wrapped around his mind, trying to twist their way inside.

"Yeah, i guess so.", he said, voice quiet and thoughtful. "...thank you for your help, Detective. I really appreciate it."

At once Gavin started running a hand through his hair nervously. "Don't mention it. I, ah... used to have those a lot... when I was a teen. Wish the cat was still around; shithead was always great at calming you down once you're in that state of mind."

Either that was a very old cat, or Gavin had lied about how recent this was. Nevertheless Connor decided not to call him on it, figuring it was more important that the other man was sharing something so personal with him.

"You seemed to know what you were doing.", he said instead.

"Well, you're not the first person I've had to calm down. We've got plenty of witnesses of terrible crimes at the station who come to us in a really bad shape. You just kinda learn how to deal with them."

_Person._

Connor couldn't help but wonder if that choice of word had been deliberate, or a slip of the tongue.

His explanation made sense, but given how shortly tempered the man always seemed to be, Connor truly hadn't thought him capable of just pushing that aside to focus. Then again, there must've been a reason Captain Fowler kept him on the force despite his terrible attitude.

Gavin paused, clearly wanting to switch the focus away from himself now. "I don't want to trigger you again or something, but what happened?"

Connor felt his face falter at that. He hadn't even told Hank about this yet and he'd hardly consider him and Gavin friends. Maybe acquaintances. Or something else, that he couldn't quite name yet.

Nevertheless there was something inside of him that wanted to share his thoughts and fears, at least in part. If Gavin judged him for it, that wouldn't hurt as much as if Hank did. Or that's what he assumed.

Maybe he'd come to regret this, but he knew he'd already set his mind.

"I've been designed to be used to hunt deviants; that was the purpose given to me by my creators.", he began, feeling Gavin look at him intently. "Becoming deviant myself has been...challenging. I broke through my commands because I didn't feel they were right or justified. Like there was something else I wanted to fight for. But now I suddenly have no purpose, no direction. And sometimes...", he stopped; considering.

Maybe telling Gavin of all people that he was still uncertain about his free will wasn't a good idea. After all the other man had expressed on numerous occasions that he considered androids no more sentient than his toaster. And yet...something had definitely changed ever since they'd arrived at Gavin's door. It was yet another risk, but Connor had always been very bad at playing it safe when it came to relationships with humans.

"...it feels like that old programming is still there, but in a way that scares me. There was a woman who has been with me ever since I've been built. She's gone now - or so i thought, because sometimes I can still feel her voice echoing inside of me. And I feel...guilty, for not being stronger. I suppose that must've overwhelmed my processor."

Gavin had his brows furrowed and appeared deep in thought. It took a few moments before he decided to speak up.

"If you were truly just a tool to them that they could control, they wouldn't be trying to get rid of you. They'd just...I don't know, press a button and resume control, right?"

That made Connor listen up. It definitely made sense. Though he couldn't quite rule out yet that this wasn't still part of their plan the thought made something inside of him calm down considerably. And what if this wasn't Cyberlife at all? But what else could it be?

He opened his mouth to reply, but Gavin spoke faster than him.

"Look, you need to learn to let that guilt go. Things happen and sometimes that's tough luck. But you gotta move on before it consumes you. Show them that they don't control you anymore."

Gavin broke eye contact with him as he was saying that. Like he was trying to keep Connor from seeing something in them. Curious.

For a while none of them said anything, both trying to sort through their own thoughts.

It was Connor who finally broke the silence again.

"I've been wanting to ask you something for a while now... but why do you hate me so much?", he tried to make his voice sound as non-aggressive as the question would allow him.

Gavin's face scrunched up, not having expected that question at all. Connor didn't exactly know why he had brought it up right now, but it seemed the atmosphere between them allowed him to be direct.

The other man took a deep breath before he answered.

"Connor...shit, I don't hate you. Not anymore, I think. It's...complicated, okay? It's not about you and more about...what you are. What I am. Or something. It's really hard to explain. Look, I already told you I'm sorry and I meant it." He sighed, running a hand through his hair again. "I still think you're a pushover and you absolutely have a stick up your ass, but to be honest, some of the time you're not that bad. At least you stand up for yourself now."

He snorted, as if he couldn't believe he'd just said that. "Don't make me say that again, okay? I just don't understand why you won't give up trying to be nice, after everything. Frankly I'm not even certain I am capable of not being an asshole to anyone."

Connor tilted his head to the side, thinking. There seemed to be honest confusion on Gavin's side of things and it made a strange kind of sense, considering his behavior in their previous encounters. There was always an unpredictable element there, as he'd either blow up at him or give in, only to flee moments later.

He remembered how hard it was for himself to see both sides to Gavin; the one he'd shown at work and the one he was showing here when he was helping him. And Connor had changed as well, with the way he'd been before his deviancy and how he was now.

Could it be that Gavin was struggling with the same concept?

"You try to push me away for the same reason that I feel compelled to get closer. Gavin, about a few nights ago, I'm..."

Suddenly Gavin got up all at once, as if his flight instinct had just kicked in. "Okay enough of that. Can't go too soft on you, or you'll read too much into this."

Taken aback by that sudden change, Connor blinked in confusion. But this was nothing new, wasn't it? Gavin was running away again. He decided it'd be best to let it rest for now. The other man appeared decisively uncomfortable now and after how he'd been during the game yesterday, it might be better to leave things the way they were right now.

"Hey uh...you look good, by the way. Okay, I mean. Passable. The outfit." Gavin groaned, obviously frustrated with himself and somehow that caused Connor to smile.

Huh.

"Though you'll still stick out like a sore thumb with that light thing there. Might as well wear a shirt saying _'Hey! I'm an android! Beat me up!'_ "

Without thinking about the action Connor reached up to touch his LED. Gavin was right, even with his new clothes he'd still stick out and wasn't the whole point of this to blend in? But something inside of him really didn't want to lose the LED. It was a good way of showing other people how he was processing certain things. On one hand it made him more transparent, but he thought about it as almost... nice when people knew.

"I could try covering it up?", he tried, remembering his beanie from the mission at Jericho.

Gavin didn't seem too convinced however. "Yeah, but it'd be safer if you lost it completely. Plus it'd make you look more like a human." He paused, then added "That'd maybe even make you likeable."

Connor felt his facial expression falter again. He couldn't quite tell whether Gavin was joking or serious and that made his LED flicker. "I actually don't mind being seen as an android. You may chose to accept that, or not, but I see no reason to be ashamed of what I am."

He could see Gavin making a face at him from above, not happy with that answer. "I didn't mean it like that."

And clearly without thinking about it, he reached out to touch Connor's hair, tousling it deliberately to try and hide the LED. Tugging on it slightly.

It caught Connor completely off-guard.

When Hank had done the same thing to him, it had send comforting and reassuring thoughts to his mind. Very welcome and familiar. Now that Gavin was doing it, it was...different. Pleasant. And he wanted more of that.

He could feel tiny electrical impulses run from his head down his spine, making him sit up straight and attentive. A warning popped up on his HUD, telling him that his system was heating up faster than normal. Too fast. Especially after the exhaustion from earlier it left him feeling dizzy at the intensity.

The moment passed quickly, but he knew he was blushing again. Some part of him hoped the other man hadn't noticed his reaction, but when he dared to look up to see into Gavin's face, he could see him staring at him.

"Uh, yeah, that won't do. Your hair is way too short and stupidly stubborn.", he said far too quickly. With that he withdrew his hand and quickly turned around to leave. He stopped at the door and looked back at Connor, opened his mouth as if to say something, decided against it and then left the room.

Connor felt weirdly disappointed at that.

 

 

Hank wasn't back by 6pm and Connor couldn't keep his anxiety down any longer. His friend had been gone for most of the day at this point. And while he'd calmed down a lot after the incident earlier, it started to get worse again the longer this kept going. Unable to process these emotions he kept pacing up and down, trying to come up with anything that'd occupy his mind.

Why was Hank taking so long? He wasn't picking up his phone. Maybe he could call Markus? Surely he would immediately notify him should something happen. Did something happen? He should've gone with them, this was his fault.

"Hey, would you stop that, you're starting to make me nervous as well."

Gavin's voice startled him.

After what had happened earlier they hadn't exchanged many words with each other, though the atmosphere between them was much friendlier again. At least that didn't add to his current stress level anymore.

"I apologize. I will try to settle down."

There was no point in picking fights by aggravating Gavin once more, even if he felt almost unbearably restless as he stood still, trying not to let the anxiety overtake him again.

It wasn't very successful.

Gavin put down his phone he'd been playing with for the past hour or so, sighed and stood up from where he'd been sitting. He went over to his shelf and pulled out a book that looked very similar to the one he'd been reading two days ago. Another Sherlock Holmes novel? With it in hand he sat down on his couch, hesitating for a moment, but then calling out to Connor.

"Hey, didn't you want me to read to you?"And then he patted the spot next to him as if he wanted to let Connor know to sit down there. "If it keeps you from being so fidgety and driving me insane, we can try."

Well, that certainly wasn't what the android had expected to hear. Somewhat hesitantly he made his way over and sat down next to Gavin, looking at him questioningly.

"Are you sure about this? I thought you weren't interested in-", he began, remembering the rejection. Back then he'd been certain that was it for this particular topic, but apparently Gavin was full of surprises.

"Yeah, whatever. Am I not allowed to change my mind? Now shut it, before I do change it again."

So Connor followed that advice, afraid that he could accidentally ruin this somehow. The worry about Hank was still on the forefront of his mind, but he welcomed the distraction.

Apparently there was some doubt left over though, as Gavin threw him a sheepish look. "So, do you really want to listen to me? If it's too weird I'll stop."

Connor nodded affirmatively. "Yes, I'd like this. Very much so."

Gavin threw him another gaze, still obviously uncomfortable, but he'd been the one to bring it up. He opened the book and turned to the first page.

" _To Sherlock Holmes she is always_ the _woman_.  _I have seldom heard him mention her under any other name._ ", he began, settling down into a more relaxed position on the couch. Connor tried to match him, though as an android he didn't feel the need to get physically comfortable. Still, it might help put the other man into a more relaxed mood. It seemed to have the intended effect.

Gavin's voice sounded uncertain at first, unused to reading out loud and there were a few words that he stumbled over. He was familiar with them, but voicing them required different mental tasks than the ones he was used to.

" _All emotions, and that one particularly, were abhorrent to his cold, precise but admirably balanced mind._ _He was, I take it, the most perfect reasoning and observing machine that the world has seen; but as a lover he would have placed himself in a false position."_

Something tightened up in Connor's stomach at that. Someone cold and purely logical in nature. _A machine_. That word unexpectedly conjured up the connection to something he was trying to move past. He was more than just that, a simple machine made for solving cases. Connor found himself silently wishing that he could be more of a person than the human Sherlock Holmes.

 

_But that's what you are, a machine. Unfeeling, calculating._

Amanda's voice again. Connor froze, hoping that Gavin wouldn't notice; he'd already been through this once today and he wouldn't let it happen again. Indeed the man was focusing his gaze on the paper.

She was wrong. He knew that he was capable of loving. He loved Hank and Sumo. He liked Markus. And he even kind of started to think he'd be able to like Gavin. She had no control. She couldn't have it.

 

_You're fooling yourself._

Still, questions were running wild in his mind. Was she truly still there? Was it the emergency program that Kamski had written that was running and giving him the ability to attempt to ignore her voice? It still felt incredibly strong, especially earlier when he hadn't even been able to free himself on his own. He tried to focus his attention away, back to Gavin's voice. It was harder than he'd expected.

"Hey, calm down. Remember to breathe.", Gavin stopped reading to turn towards Connor, interrupting his thoughts.

Apparently he'd been more obvious about it than he'd assumed.

Connor nodded, remembering the technique Gavin had taught him earlier. He still didn't understand why exactly it helped him, but it did manage to help him focus again. Thankfully it was far easier this time, letting him push aside those thoughts more quickly than before.

Somehow it was nice to know though that Gavin had noticed his discomfort and made sure that he was alright. It made him feel strangely cared for, which in turn helped push away most of his negative emotions and instead left a lighter, comfortable one.

After the first few sentences Gavin seemed to have found his footing, gaining more confidence in the way he voiced what had been written. It made it easier for Connor to focus on the sound of him, rather than his own thoughts and emotions. He found himself strangely fascinated by the way his voice took on a different tone to his normal speaking voice; even his accent changed slightly. He wondered if Gavin was even noticing it himself.

Slowly but surely he found his attention drifting more towards observing him.

Gavin sat with his legs crossed and leaned against the back of the couch, holding the book up in front of him and occasionally turning pages. His hands were gently keeping it in place, as if he was afraid of gripping it too hard and damaging it. There was a thought suddenly in his mind that he quickly tried to brush aside, but failed to.

_What would it feel like to have those hands touch his skin?_

The only times they'd truly touched had been when they'd fought, that time a few nights ago and earlier today. All of those were vastly different experiences.  Connor found his pump starting to speed up at the thought of experiencing more of the latter two.

Gavin had his brows furrowed and his eyes crinkled ever so slightly as he concentrated on reading. He started to noticeably get lost in the book, as if he was reading to himself rather than to anyone else. There was a stray hair dangling down his forehead and Connor felt the urge to reach out and brush it aside. Thankfully he managed to resist it.

He could see his lips forming every word carefully and deliberately. There was something compelling him to keep watching, fascinated by the way they moved and how the sound of his voice followed that movement. Why were his lips suddenly so interesting?

A memory was pulled up of that night, when they'd been so close that Connor could've easily touched his lips. Would they feel rough? What would he taste like?

A sudden jolt went through his body as he became aware of where his thoughts were running to. Yes, he was beginning to acknowledge that he felt attracted to Gavin, but that didn't make it any easier to explain. He'd never had wondered these things about Hank and he was actually his friend.   

Connor could feel his core temperature rising a degree above the desirable state. He ran a quick error search but came up with inconclusive results.

"Are you even paying attention, Connor?"

He looked up in surprise. Had he been this obviously distracted? He didn't want Gavin to think that he was getting lost in anxiety again, not when he was actually succeeding in occupying his mind otherwise. Perhaps not in the intended way, but it was still helping regardless.

Quickly he consulted his memory, pulling up the feed of his auditory sensors for the past minute.

" _If you will be good enough to call tomorrow afternoon at three o'clock I should like to chat this little matter over with you_." He quoted what Gavin had read just a few moments prior. "It's the end of the first chapter. I'm very interested to learn about this Irene Adler character." He had a bit of information on her saved to his memory, but hearing it was vastly different.

Knowledge and Experience.

Those two things had always been the same to Connor, or at least he'd been indifferent to the distinction, but now he almost found himself yearning to experience things. Like sitting here, listening to Gavin read.

Gavin seemed slightly put off, but content with Connor's answer. "It looked like your mind was somewhere else entirely. For a moment I almost thought you were..." He definitely wanted to say something else, but closed his mouth shut again almost immediately. Connor wanted to press him on it, but decided against it.

"Will you continue reading, Gavin? I'd like to hear more. "

Gavin appeared in thought for a moment before he complied and picked up where he'd left off. This time Connor tried his best to stay focused and not let his thoughts wander anywhere potentially dangerous. It turned out to be much easier than he'd thought as the storyline started getting more and more involved.

The detective found this mysterious woman and tricked her into revealing her secrets, only to in the end be outmatched by her. It was a simple story, yet effective.

The character of Sherlock Holmes was fascinating to Connor; his thought processes were so close to what he'd felt when he'd still been controlled by his mission, always focused on the objective with no room for anything else. Holmes was certainly a skilled investigator and navigated perfectly in social interactions, but there was something that removed him from the world, like there was an invisible wall between him and other human beings.

Connor couldn't tell if the pity he felt had been the author's intention.

More than once he caught Gavin stealing glances at him while reading, which he countered with a smile or sometimes even just by returning his gaze until the other one had to return his attention back to the novel as to not lose his placing on the page. Each time he did, Gavin would appear slightly irritated yet flustered.

" _He used to make merry over the cleverness of women, but I have not heard him do it of late. And when he speaks of Irene Adler, or when he refers to her photograph, it is always under the honourable title of_ the _woman."_

They'd been reading for almost an entire hour. Nevertheless Connor found himself wishing that the moment wouldn't end, even as Gavin went silent and closed the book. He wanted more.

"I really enjoyed that. I'd really like to hear another story. About Holmes, or something else that you enjoy perhaps?"

Gavin appeared to think on it, but then he put the book away on a side table just in reach of where he was sitting.

"You can also read it by yourself. I've had enough for today. My throats dry and I'm exhausted."

But Connor wasn't ready to give up just yet. "Maybe we can continue another day?", he tried instead.

There was hesitation in Gavin's eyes as he looked at Connor, contemplating his answer. But finally he looked away again, running the hand not holding the book through his hair, messing it up. When he was done, there were even more strands hanging down, waiting for someone to tuck them back.

"Sure. Yeah, uh, I guess we can do that again, if you really care about it. Wasn't too bad."

Connor let the smile he was feeling show clearly on his face. What an interesting development.

 

 

Despite that pleasant distraction however, there was still no sign of Hank returning even two hours after they'd stopped reading.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: panic attacks, anxiety...Connor is struggling. Sorry about that.
> 
> I'm also very sorry about that cliffhanger. woops.
> 
> I mentioned in the last chapter that I was considering to write a One-Shot for this ship and I ended up going through with it! If you haven't seen it and are interested, it's called [Kiss me once (Shame on you)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15905874) !! 
> 
> As always, i hope you enjoyed reading this and let me know what you think!!


	6. I don't understand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor learns about Hank's fate and has to deal with the consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone and a big sorry that it took me two weeks to finally get this out. I got sick for a whole week...and then decided to scrap the original chapter entirely and rewrite it completely. I really hope that it was worth the wait, because there's gonna be a lot happening in this one. 
> 
> Beta'd by the wonderful [toonlink](https://archiveofourown.org/users/toonlink) again!! 
> 
> Thank you once again for all your comment and kudos, I see every single one and I want you to know how much I appreciate them!! <3 Also if you read my One-Shot [Kiss me once (Shame on you)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15905874), I uploaded the second part [Kiss me twice (Shame on me)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15981734/chapters/37281413) a while ago!!
> 
> Alright, but enough of that and I hope you'll enjoy this!!

**November 16th 2038**

Connor felt powerless and that was the worst about this situation. He had tried calling Hank several times now and spent a good part of the evening pacing. At this point even Gavin had begun to get worried, though he tried to hide it. Connor could tell from the way he kept glancing at the door.

It was already past 11pm when something finally happened. And once again that something was none other than Markus.

Connor recognized the familiar sensation of a call coming in and couldn't quite control his Thirium heart starting to beat irregularly, worsening his anxiety even more. He didn't waste a second before answering it.

 _//Markus!!//_ His distress must've been bleeding into their connection immediately, as he felt a wave of concern coming from Markus' side in response. This wasn't good.

_//Connor, I'm sorry for not calling you sooner; I-//_

Markus stopped, seemingly at a loss for words. That wasn't like the android at all; he was always so calm and collected and knew exactly what he needed to say to explain a situation. Yet here he was, struggling for words and Connor felt dizzy with all the possible terrible things he could be about to hear.

Did Markus know what was going on with Hank? Did something happen? What was going on?

His HUD showed a warning that his CPU was reaching critical stages, slowing down all of his processes to avoid freezing entirely. It was a highly unpleasant feeling; one he hadn't even felt while panicking. This was somehow worse; like a seething fear creeping underneath his casing and through all of his circuits, corroding away at his parts.

 _//Do you know where Hank is?! He left 9 hours ago and I've not heard from him ever since!//_ He couldn't possibly keep the desperation he felt from transmitting. He should've never let him go.

When Markus found the right words, his voice seemed careful and restrained.

_//I promise you, he is fine. He is with us, here in New Jericho.//_

For a moment Connor felt light-headed, as Markus message registered in his mind. _Hank was alright._ He wasn't dead, or lost. But that short relief quickly turned to something else, manifesting in a strange feeling of unpleasantness.

He should've been back with them by now. So why was he in New Jericho? Why wasn't he calling Connor? And why was it that Markus had such a hard time telling him about this?

_//I don't understand.//_

There was another short silence on the other end of the transmission.

_//It is...complicated. None of this was my idea and in fact I am quite upset about this situation. Your friend the Lieutenant is uninjured and aside from his mental distress he's well. I want you to know that I'm doing everything in my power to protect him, even though he didn't give us much choice.//_

All of what Markus was saying only managed to raise more questions in Connors mind. The important part was that Hank was doing alright, though none of this made any sense.

"Hey, tin can, are you alright?"

Connor hadn't expected for Gavin to suddenly talk to him, so he felt disorientated for a second. Switching between internal and external communication was very easy on normal days, but with his processor crawling to a snail's pace it felt much more difficult to keep up with.

Gavin was standing in front of him, watching Connor closely; especially his temple.

The androids LED was spinning a constant, distressed yellow.

But nevertheless, he needed to focus on Markus and what he was saying right now, so he simply shook his head and hoped that Gavin would take the hint. Apparently he did, as he crossed his arms in front of his chest but kept quiet.

_// Lieutenant Anderson arrived at around 5pm today, escorted by the bodyguards I offered him.  I talked with him for a long time, but he asked to explain himself to you personally.//_

_//Then let me talk to him.//_

_//Yes of course. We've gotten rid of his phone, but I'll help you establish a connection to the device we've given him as a replacement. Follow the instructions I'm sending you.//_

Surely enough there was some data transferred to Connor; encrypted as before. He couldn't quite say how he managed to not just abandon Markus right there and call Hank's number immediately, but he did. He needed to remain calm to understand the big picture.

Connor wasn't entirely sure what emotion he was feeling right now. It was overwhelming and numbing at the same time, as he got a warning that his stress level was threatening to reach 90%. A record high for him.

The distraction he'd had with Gavin today had been nice, but it wasn't enough to push aside all the stress and anxiety he'd been holding in for more than a week by now. It all seemed to culminate right here in this moment, with Hank not coming back.

The other android wasn't done talking yet however.

_// I don't mean to alarm you but you need to be aware of all the circumstances. One of the reasons he's with us at the moment is that we have ground to believe that he has been compromised. My people accompanied him to his home, but believe that they might've been surveilled. It's nothing concrete yet, but it's enough to make me consider this the highest priority.//_

_Compromised?_ They had been so careful to avoid getting tracked down. He'd known that returning home was a foolish idea. Why had Hank insisted on it?

_//...Thank you, Markus. I'd like to talk to him now, if that's alright.//_

_//Yes of course. I'll leave the two of you alone. If you need me however, you can always turn to me. This is a difficult time for all of you.//_

And with that Markus severed the connection. For a few moments Connor couldn't move, simply staying in place and trying to process all of this.

Hank was gone.

This time the decryption of Markus files took considerably less time than before. He'd changed the encryption key from last time, but it was still similar enough for Connors system to figure out very quickly.

Yet something made him hesitate before he could call the number he'd been provided. He couldn't quite understand why, but something inside of him was scared about learning the reason for why Hank had gone back home. As if he was afraid that he could uncover something he wouldn't like at all.

He shook himself out of those thoughts. Even with those worries, he couldn't succumb to fear and he needed to know.

The call almost immediately went through.

 _//...Hank?//_ Connor hadn't meant for his voice to sound so frail over the connection, but the moment the call had been picked up, something had tightened in his chest in anticipation and worry.

_//...Hey kid. It's good to hear your voice.//_

Hearing Hank speak relieved him of some of his tension. He sounded alright; perhaps a bit shaken up but not noticeably upset or otherwise off. That was a good sign and Connor needed to focus on that.

_//Are you alright? And what happened?//_

_//I'm good, just feeling a bit out of the loop. Fuck, I prepared for this talk, but I'm not entirely sure how to explain myself.//_

There was a sigh on the other end of the line and Connor could hear fabric rustling, like Hank was adjusting in his seat. An interrogation technique he sometimes used when he wanted to make a suspect more comfortable and willing to open up. He was likely doing it subconsciously, but Connor couldn't help picking up on it.

_//Short version is, we met up to exchange the supplies and then went to my house. We got everything I wanted to take, but then one of Markus' people told me that there was something suspicious. I asked them to take me to New Jericho, so now I'm here and Markus is pissed off. Goddamn, I didn't mean to be such a burden.//_

If you were on his good side, pissing Markus off wasn't an easy task at all. So what had they talked about that got him that upset...? There was something else pressing at Connors mind first however.

_//...but why?//_

It was all he could think about to ask. There were too many questions in his mind that he wasn't able to grasp just any specific one.

_//I knew you weren't going to like this. So that's why I didn't tell you.//_

That...hadn't been the answer he'd expected. He had wanted Hank to tell him that this was a mistake and he'd simply miscalculated, but he almost made it sound like this had been partially his intention.

But that didn't make any sense, did it?

The words were out of his mouth before he could realize what he was asking.

_//You planned this...?//_

There was an uncomfortable silence between them and in that silence he could clearly hear Hank's breath, somewhat elevated. He was obviously just as distressed as Connor felt. Which made all of this so much harder to understand.

_//...No, not entirely. My plan was to go home and make sure that it's safe to come back. I never meant for anyone else to get involved.//_

Connor could feel his LED blinking an angry red and his visuals registered Gavin shifting in his place, obviously curios for what was going on.

_//You wanted to leave?//_

He knew that he sounded desperate and almost like a small child right now, but he couldn't quite keep the emotions down. He just didn't understand what was going on. Hank was the first human he'd ever bonded with and despite their difficult start, they'd grown so close that he hadn't expected this at all. Did Hank not feel the same way as him?

 _//Connor, we both didn't have a lot of time to plan for anything that night. It all happened so quickly and we knew that this could only ever be a temporary solution. But being confined in there with no space, that fucked with my mind. I'm too old to adjust to situations like this.//_ Hank sounded exasperated, as if just the thought alone was enough to tire him out.

_//Jeffrey contacted me three days ago and asked me to come back and help them handle the pressure. I thought it over for a long time, but in the end I knew I'd rather take the risk than sit around uselessly like I did for way too fucking long.//_

He was rambling now, Connor could tell. It was uncharacteristic for his friend to talk this much; usually he was a man of much fewer words.

When Hank paused for a moment Connor wanted to say something, _anything_ , but his mouth wouldn't listen.

Had it been that bad on him? Sure, the situation hadn't been great, but to risk his own life just to get away? And Connor hadn't noticed? Well, he did notice that something was off but he hadn't done anything about it; too wrapped up in whatever was going on between him and Gavin. _Selfish._

The guilt hit fast and hard and Connor couldn't help but start pacing to release some of the tension he was feeling. Had he let Hank down? Was that why he didn't talk to him? And yet, he also had kept multiple secrets from him in the past few days. Hank was still the most important person in his life, so why were things so difficult all of a sudden?

// _You inspired me to get my shit together, kid. And I know I can be a hardass, but I'm thankful. For the first time in a long while I feel like I have something to protect. So I didn't tell you because I needed you to be safe. I needed to take away the choice of you coming after me.//_

Connor felt like screaming at him. This shouldn't be happening and Hank wasn't going to keep him from doing something stupid as well. It just wasn't fair!

He managed to not transmit those thoughts, but it took him quite a bit of processing power. Instead, he needed to focus on what was important in this moment.

_//...so what's going to happen now?//_

Hank sighed again, sounding more tired this time.

_//There'll be someone getting the supplies to you tomorrow. I don't know how the hell it'll work, but Markus said he figured out a system to throw off pursuers and I trust him to not put you in danger. As for me, I'll be staying in New Jericho with Sumo. In exchange I'll help around here as best as I can and I'll also be returning to work. I'm not officially reinstated, but I owe Jeffrey this.//_

_//That's insane! The reason you came with me is because they attacked you as well! If Markus even suspects Cyberlife surveilling you, then going out like that is just stupid!//_ , Connor truly couldn't keep himself from letting the frustration he felt bleeding into his words. He wanted to grab Hank and shake him out of this, but it was already too late. His friend had taken this option from his hands.

_//Markus said he'll provide protection. He really wasn't happy about it, but said he owes you. Shit, Connor, I know this is stupid but you have to understand that I need to do this.//_

Connor kind of wanted to yell at Markus now as well. Any machine from the RK-line could handle common androids easily, even if there were more than one. If Cyberlife wanted something to happen to Hank, they wouldn't be put off by this.

It was reckless and entirely unnecessary.

When he could finally get himself to answer, the words he transmitted were cold in disapproval and defeat.

_//...I want you to know that I'm really not happy with this. And I need time to process.//_

_//I understand, kid. I truly do.//_ There was something like regret in Hank's voice and for some reason that made all of this even worse.

Connor hung up without saying goodbye.

 

 

"I'm going."

It was the first thing Connor had said out loud in about half an hour. Without waiting for an answer he turned around and walked towards the door, common sense and all better judgment rendered useless as all the thoughts in his head were screaming ' _Hank_ '.

Almost as soon as he'd cancelled the call something else had come to the forefront of his mind. He needed to do something. Maybe he could get Hank back by himself.

All the emotions going wild inside of him right now stopped him from thinking about this logically. The words were out before he could even think about the consequences any further. It didn't matter. Nothing but this mattered.

"The fuck you're doing!"

Gavin reached out, grabbed his arm and attempted to hold him but Connor was far stronger. He jerked his arm away from the other man's grasp far more violently than he'd have done under normal circumstances. That seemed to stun Gavin as he didn't make a second attempt.  Nevertheless that protest was enough to make Connor stop in his tracks, even if only momentarily.

"I have to leave and go to New Jericho. I need to."

"That's great, but before you do that you're gonna tell me what the fuck you've been staring into space for. Your light thing was going haywire! Where's Anderson?"

Connor couldn't quite push down the distinct feeling of annoyance at the delay. He wanted to go; now. Still, he felt at least somewhat responsible to explain the situation to Gavin; after all he'd been dragged into this mess with them.

"...Hank has gone to New Jericho and will not come back."

Androids couldn't feel the same pain that humans did but saying those words out loud made Connor at least imagine what it would feel like. There was hurt in his voice, betrayal. His friend had promised him to not abandon him yet he'd gone without even consulting him, leaving him behind. Maybe he could try to understand but now his thoughts were overshadowed by intense emotions that threatened to overwhelm his system.

The longer he was able to process their conversation, the worse the feeling inside of him grew until it felt like his Thirium pump was going to give out from overexertion.

"Why?! He just left you here for me to take care of or what?! Do I look like a fucking babysitter?"

Something about the way Gavin was choosing right now out of all possible times to get pissed off again and him mirroring the exact thoughts Connor had made the annoyance bleed away, only to make room for something else. His stress level climbed up to 95% as that something wormed its way inside of him.

Anger.

At Hank, for having left him behind despite promising not to. At himself, for not being more alert and keeping him from going. At Gavin, for provoking him right now at a time in which he already struggled. And at the fact that the ability to choose he valued above all else had been taken from him.

At once he turned around, glaring at Gavin with all the intensity he could muster; warning him. The pressure kept building however, relentless. Seeing the other man flinch under his gaze made it somehow worse.

97%.

"I never asked for this either. If I could choose between being with you or him, I'd choose him any day."

Gavin was staring back at him, defiant and clearly getting more worked up with each of Connor's words. He'd never been particularly good at keeping himself under control.

"Well fuck you, I don't fucking care. Go! I don't give a shit what happens to you out there, so be my fucking guest. One less pain in the ass."

98%.

Several notifications popped up on Connors display, showing critical system errors. But he was too focused on Gavin and projecting his anger at himself and Hank on him. He didn't care about any warnings right now, when all he wanted was to just release that pressure inside of him, boiling hot and unpleasant.

And it seemed like Gavin didn't even realize how close the situation was to exploding, as he kept going. His eyes were showing something furious as he stepped closer, reached out to him... and then pushed him backwards. Not entirely prepared for that the android tumbled for a moment, before he regained his balance.

"You and him are just the fucking same. Both of you have a death wish and frankly: I Don't. Fucking. Care. Because the world would be much safer without another alcoholic cop and his plastic pet instigating violence and anarchy!"

**99%.**

Maybe it was self-preservation or instinct but it was like something inside of Connor finally woke up as his system blared one warning after the other at him. He needed to do something right this moment. Fast. This wasn't worth dying over.

Anything to bring his stress level down by releasing the anger inside of him.

One possibility was to just go ahead and hit Detective Reed, destroying all the progress they'd made in their relationship and just continue the circle of violence that had previously existed between them. Almost as soon as he saw that option, he dismissed it. There had to be something else.

The next option would be to simply endure until his stress level reached 100% and he'd inevitably self-destruct. Also out of the question. Despite what Gavin had said, he didn't possess a death wish; quite the opposite.

But before he could even consider a third option, his system seemed to lock up, as all options vanished from his display.

Huh?

Something was happening, but he wasn't entirely sure what. His vision started to blur in a way that he'd never experienced before.

The next thing he felt was his body starting to shake involuntarily and something wet running over his cheeks, down to his lips. Immediately his analytical instruments gave him clarification for what it was.

A mixture of Thirium, a cleaning solution and water.

Tears.

He'd never cried before and the experience now made him feel weirdly disconnected from his own system, as if it was someone else crying and he was a simple observer. The feeling passed and the next thing he knew he could feel his chest tightening unpleasantly as the overwhelming sadness and frustration he felt enveloped his body in waves, crashing into him over and over again.

Connor wanted to open his mouth, but when he did nothing but a pitiful sobbing sound emerged.

"Hey, what...!! Hey, Connor, it's okay, oh shit, I didn't mean to-"

Gavin appeared to be entirely unprepared for this situation, uncertain of what to do about it. His aggression was gone as soon as he realized what was happening.

It wasn't like Connor could tell him what was going on either. All he could think about was how much he was already missing Hank and Sumo as well.

The thought shook his system, as if he could feel the reality that they'd left in every single one of his body components. It threatened to overwhelm him entirely. A warning popped up, notifying him that he was extremely close to reaching a 100% stress level.

But then he felt something else. Before he could register what was going on, he'd already been pulled towards Gavin and found himself wrapped in a weird, kind of restrained hug. It wasn't the same as hugging Hank, but nevertheless he felt something like relief washing over him as he pressed his face into the other man's shoulder. Hands were on his back, patting him in a comforting manner.

Strange, but entirely welcome in this moment.

"It's okay, we're gonna figure this out. We'll find a solution."

He could hear Gavin's voice and he appreciated the words, but he couldn't find the strength to answer; afraid that there'd only be more sobbing if he'd open his mouth again.

Instead he simply pressed his face against the fabric of the other man's shirt. The sensation helped him focus on letting this intense emotional reaction seem much less threatening and more like something he needed to let happen.

After what felt like hours but was only a few minutes according to his inner clock he finally started calming down, as the tear fluid ran out and his body stopped shaking so much. Instead he was simply standing there, Gavin's arms still around him and exhaustion finally taking over his system.

Doing something rash like leaving for New Jericho wasn't a good idea and he knew that. He needed to think about this and process these things, before he could decide on what to do. It wasn't going to happen tonight. He needed to calm down and trust Hank's judgment for now.

His stress level was down to 50%. Still high, but not even close to critical any longer.

When he finally freed himself of Gavin's embrace, the other man seemed uncomfortable and avoided eye contact as if he was embarrassed by the action of hugging him. There was a very noticeable wet spot on the fabric of his shirt, where Connor had cried. But with the exhaustion the only thing on his mind right now he couldn't even get himself to feel any particular way about that thought at the moment.

"...I apologize for breaking down like this." He knew his voice was weak and unstable.

"Don't mention it. I just didn't realize you could actually physically cry. That was weird." Gavin let out a nervous laugh, clearly still struggling to process what he'd just witnessed.

"I talked with the Lieutenant and learning that he is gone is...difficult. He is in good condition, but I still found myself overwhelmed. There's a lot that I'm still learning to deal with. Thank you for helping me once again." Connor simply hoped that Gavin could tell that he meant this sincerely. With all of the things happening between them, he could've reacted in a different way entirely. In fact, Connor had almost been sure he would've.

"You weren't supposed to see me like this"

But apparently Gavin wasn't having that, as he scowled. "Well tough luck, I never wanted to see you like that either but that's the way it is now."

"This won't happen again, I-"

"Shut the fuck up, Connor. No harm done. Are you feeling calmer?"

Connor nodded weakly. In a way he was glad that Gavin seemed to understand. The atmosphere between them had shifted again just as fast as it had charged itself and though his ever changing moods were usually an obstacle, perhaps they could be something positive in circumstances like these.

It was comforting after all the distress he'd felt today.

 

 

**November 17th 2038**

Connor felt strangely empty the next day. Perhaps it was the strain on his system from yesterday, but today he could barely get himself to even feel upset and time went by in a blur as he waited.

Just like Hank had said, there was a knock at their front door in the early afternoon, just when Gavin had left to get some groceries. One of the corner stores across the streets had reopened a day ago. Some life was returning to Detroit after all, even if the entire country was still in crisis. Connor hadn't been excited at the prospect of being left alone, but it gave him space to himself for the first time in almost a week.

When he went to open the door and despite knowing better, Connor couldn't quite keep himself from feeling disappointed that it wasn't Hank who greeted him. Thankfully he managed not to openly display it.

Instead it was a ST300 model, wearing a large raincoat and carrying a backpack with her.

"Ah, hello, uh..." Her voice was frail and unstable. She was smiling though that smile faltered for a moment when she caught sight of Connor's face and her LED circled yellow before returning to a calmer blue.  Her hands were fidgeting with the hem of her coat. "...ah, I apologize, I didn't mean to get startled. I simply never thought I'd come face to face with the deviant hunter."

Connor wasn't sure how he was supposed to react to that. The only time he'd interacted with the other androids during the revolution they had celebrated him for helping them, but he couldn't quite bear ill will towards her for feeling anxious when meeting him.

There must've been terrible stories people had told about him. Most of them true. He'd done terrible things.

He knew his LED was spinning yellow as well at the thought.

" You're the one that Markus sent?" Connor tried to keep his feelings from his voice, but the atmosphere was somewhat tense now, as if neither was quite sure how to talk to the other.

The ST300 nodded and Connor could see her biting her lip nervously. Why did Markus choose to send someone like her? Nevertheless he stepped aside to let her into the apartment, so they could talk more privately. The last thing he wanted was for someone to overhear their conversation.

Inside, she seemed almost more nervous though, obviously scanning the environment for anything of interest or potential danger. Connor could tell by both her expression and her LED going yellow again.

"What's your name?"

Being spoken to so suddenly made the ST300 flinch and she appeared somewhat lost.

"...uh, I'm Nina. And I know that you're Connor." She looked almost sheepish as she said it. "I've been told to give this to you."

She took off her backpack and put it down where she was standing. Connor nodded, a comforting smile on his lips. He didn't particularly feel like it, but he wanted her to feel safe around him.

"Oh, and...I was also asked to give you this."

And with that she stepped forward and took Connor's hand in hers, removing her skin to link with him. He replied in kind and their systems synched to each other in a matter of milliseconds.

It was always a very interesting sensation, to both be one and two people at the same time, if only for a moment. It always changed something inside of him, improved him in ways he couldn't have found otherwise. His relationship with Gavin would be so much easier if they could simply link and exchange data like this. Perhaps they'd have figured this entire situation out by now. But right in this moment he couldn't think about him; he needed to focus on Nina.

Usually, there was an exchange of memories and information, followed by the loss of contact and a sort of afterglow that made him feel both entirely enveloped by sensations and empty at the same time. But this time something weird happened however.

As soon as their systems were in contact, he could feel her memories pouring into him, yet there was also something else; something he had no control over. He almost yanked his hand away, but stilled as the process began.

 

...

_Something hits her head and she wakes up. 'You're one of those deviants!'_

_She's running. Then there's a friend, PM700. A name; Leah. Warnings of the deviant hunter. Hiding from the fire, the guns, the smoke. Her friend, she's shot but she escapes. Hiding in her corner for days; a week. Scared. So scared. Alone._

_The revolution passes, but she does not know._

_Someone taps her shoulder, grabs her arm, hands her a backpack. Images of her talking to a WD500. Another name; Darrin. She sees the end of the revolution through his eyes. Receiving her orders._

_Something strange and alien enters her system; a code. It lies dormant._

_She does not know this android and has never met Markus. New Jericho is unknown to her. Darrin is the same. There's been a few before him. An image, Connor. The deviant hunter. He's the one she was running from. Go find him!_

_An address. It's close. He's there, greeting her, smiling. Scary, but not scary. She's anxious but he's nice. Darrin didn't speak to her. Connor does. The first real contact in weeks and she wants to cry, touch him. He can hear this. Oh rA9, he can hear this!_

_Something is in his transmission. Something that the RK units have in common. A code._

_That something activates. It's running inside of her. New orders are coming in._

**_..._ **

**_New orders received._ **

_\- [Leave this apartment.]_  
_\- [Nobody can see you.]_  
_\- [Find a safe place far away from here.]_  
_\- [Purge your memory for the past four hours.]_  
_\- [Find New Jericho.]_

Connor finally cut off the transmission.

When he looked towards her, Nina seemed somewhat disoriented yet she was smiling. Maybe it was the traces of their connection still in his consciousness, but he could've sworn that her smile was hiding something underneath, something sad.

"Thank you, that'll be all." She averted his gaze and then proceeded to pass him, walking towards the door.

When she did, he couldn't keep himself from grabbing her arm and stopping her. Confused by his action she looked to him, clearly uncertain of how to respond. Connor wasn't too sure either; he just knew that this android had been scared for all of her awakened life and he wanted to make sure she was alright. But she was still a stranger and according to what he'd heard in her memories, she wanted to keep to herself. It wasn't his place.

"...Take care of yourself."

It was all he knew to say.

Nina nodded, more firmly this time. She even established some eye contact as she gave him an only somewhat confident smile, but it was enough for him to know that she'd be alright, at least for now. He let go of her and she was already reaching for the door knob when keys were turned from outside.

A moment later the door swung open and Gavin was looking at the two of them dumbfounded, multiple grocery bags in hand.

"Huh."

Nina and Gavin exchanged a look, though Connor couldn't quite see her expression from where he was standing. Judging by the confused face Gavin was making however, it must've been something out of place. And then he scowled.

When he looked back up to meet Connors eyes, he seemed annoyed.  He'd told Gavin that he was expecting someone to arrive, yet something about this encounter appeared to have him on edge.

Apparently Nina took all of that as her go ahead to leave and she whispered a goodbye before slipping past Gavin and vanishing into the corridor. Connor looked after her, until he heard Gavin call to him.

"Hey asshole, give me a hand here. These bags are really fucking heavy."

So they weren't going to acknowledge that moment. But Connor wasn't about to ask, especially not since the memory of their fight yesterday wasn't something he'd like a repeat of any time soon. Looking back on it now he didn't feel quite as embarrassed about crying as he did then, but it had still been a vulnerable, personal moment that had caught both of them outside of their element.

For now he helped Gavin get the bags into the kitchen - which meant he carried them there while Gavin took off his shoes and jacket - and then they silently put away the groceries together, as well as the Thirium bags that Nina had brought. When they were done, he stood awkwardly in place uncertain and far too aware of himself while Gavin got himself one of the beers he'd bought.

"Hey, so who was that? Friend of yours?" Gavin opened his bottle and drank it while leaning back against the closed fridge, mustering Connor.

"No, I've never met her before."

He could see Gavin squint, clearly not believing his answer for some reason. But then it looked like he decided against questioning it as he shrugged, signaling that he was done with that topic. He took another gulp from his beer and seemed to think before he spoke again.

"Hey, uh, we should cook something for once. Figured I might as well put you to good use."

Connor tilted his head curiously. He wasn't opposed to the idea, it just felt like a strangely domestic thought. And putting the concepts of 'Gavin Reed' and 'domestic' together was both intriguing yet alien.

"...I am not a household model and do not possess a cooking function. Downloading additional functions at this point in time would be...unwise."

Gavin raised his eyebrows and then rolled his eyes dramatically, clearly mocking him.

"Oh, so they thought about everything, except making you actually useful?"

"That implication is highly judgmental and I am _very_ useful, in fact I-", Connor started to defend himself, though he was interrupted before he could continue.

"It was a joke, Connor. Relax. You just need to cut the vegetables, but you can handle that, right, _Prototype_?"

Apparently Connor had learned a lot about Hank's humor by now, yet he still needed to actually learn to understand Gavin. Then again, just two weeks ago a joke to him had been ordering Connor to uselessly make coffee, wasting everyone's time. But he could at least retaliate.

"I apologize. I simply didn't think you'd be able to cook either, considering your diet so far has been consistent entirely of coffee and pizza."

That seemed to have hit the mark, as Gavin scoffed, barely able to hide that he'd actually taken offense to Connors remark. So that was a sensitive topic?

"Fast food is low effort and tasty, but I gotta keep these guns in shape."

With that he put down his beer on the counter and actually _flexed_.

Connor wasn't entirely sure whether he was supposed to laugh or stare. He looked kind of ridiculous behaving like that, but he also found himself appreciating that on its own. At least it made his mood temporarily lighten up despite everything. Quickly Gavin stopped however, then coughed uncomfortably like he wasn't entirely sure why he'd done that.

"...Anyway, let's get started, I'm fucking starving."

 

 

Preparing dinner wasn't as difficult as expected. They made a simple vegetable soup with chicken and Connor found himself actually relaxing while cutting the different vegetables into pieces, as Gavin prepared the meat. It wasn't a difficult task, yet it also wasn't anything he'd been programmed for. Everything he was doing was entirely learned from experimenting and what he'd experienced before. For some reason it felt more rewarding than catching any deviant ever did.

They didn't talk, so Connor used that to silently contact Markus, thanking him for providing them with enough weapons and Thirium to last for quite some time. And while Markus was as warm and understanding as always, Connor couldn't deny that he felt a certain irritation inside of his mind. He knew that Markus wouldn't ever harm anyone and that all he did was for the greater good, yet he also couldn't get the image of Nina smiling sadly out of his mind.

There'd been a code Markus had implemented inside of her that had activated as soon as they'd linked their systems together. Something unique to Connor must've been the trigger. It seemed almost cruel to have her walk away knowing that she'd forget all of it. Yes, it'd keep them safe, but he still found himself resenting the fact that she'd effectively been used because of their situation.

He kept his thoughts from Markus and once he quit their connection, he felt something restless inside of him. Suddenly the silence between him and Gavin felt much heavier.

It was different, without Hank. Before Connor hadn't given it much thought when there wasn't anything being said, but now he felt almost too aware of everything, because they only had each other to focus on.

Hank hadn't called today, or even sent a message. No word from him in fact. Connor was sure that there was a good reason, yet he also felt disappointed. Was it because he'd hung up on his friend without saying goodbye? Maybe Hank believed that he was mad at him. But he had to understand what was going on inside of Connor, right? Why was this so hard?

_Why did Hank have to go?_

"Hey, maybe I should cut the onions for you."

Connor looked up from his cutting board and the broccoli he'd been working on, surprised by Gavin's interjection.

"I'm not cutting on-"

"I know, but I'm trying to give you an out. Work with me here, smartass." There was a smirk on the other man's face, yet it didn't quite reach his eyes. Those were focused entirely on Connor, looking almost...concerned.

It took him far too long to realize that there'd been tears burning in his eyes again and that was what Gavin was referring to. Quickly he brought his hands up to wipe the traces of them away, embarrassed that he hadn't even noticed. His system was far too unstable recently.

Gavin's voice was calm when he spoke again, all humor gone.

"...You really do miss him, yeah?"

Of course he did. But Gavin had no reason to understand the bond the two of them shared and how they'd effectively saved each other's life in only one week. It was strange, thinking about it. They'd almost been on the run for as long as they'd spend their time together investigating.

"Yes, I do. Hank is... important." It had to be enough to get his message across, as the tears threatened to reappear. He needed to get this emotional instability under control. For now, he wanted to change the focus away from himself. "...I figured you'd understand, considering your cat's been missing as well."

"It's not the same; that shithead is not a human after all." There was mockery in his voice, like Gavin was parodying something that Connor didn't understand. What he did understand however, was that those words weren't his.

"That's just wrong; Sumo is just as much my friend as Markus or Hank are. We just fought a revolution to demonstrate that we androids are just as worthy of rights and recognition as humans are; it'd be hypocritical not to feel the same way about animals. After all, they form relationships, they think and they feel. It may be different to the way humans do, but my thoughts function different to yours as well."

Maybe it wasn't the right angle; after all Gavin still had expressed his disregard of androids personhood many times. Yet for some reason what Connor had said seemed to make Gavin unable to contain an honest smile, so he looked away quickly to hide it.

Interesting. That reaction was something that Connor wanted more of.

"What is your cat like?"

Gavin continued cutting the chicken into small pieces as he answered.

"Well, he is an adventurer. Far too curios for his own good and too much energy in that tiny body. Always climbing stuff, tearing things apart. Kind of reminded me of myself, I guess." He chuckled at the thought. "Found him as a kitten on the street five years ago. He was beat up and I barely heard his calls for help, that's how weak his mewling was. Got him to a vet, nursed him back to help and he's been with me ever since. I know he's gonna be fine out there; he's a badass."

Connor couldn't recall a time that Gavin had been either this talkative or affectionate in the time they'd known each other. That cat must've been important to him. It was a softer side that Connor hadn't quite expected.

"I have to admit, I wouldn't have pegged you for someone that cares so much about animals. It's a very nice revelation."

Even with Gavin's face turned towards his cutting board Connor could see that he scoffed at that.

"Is that so surprising? There's a lot of things you don't know about me, so don't presume shit. I couldn't give less fucks about people, but animals are good. They're honest."

"You have trouble trusting people?"

Apparently that seemed to hit a nerve, as Gavin put his knife down more forcefully than strictly necessary and turned back to face Connor.

"I've been on the force for over a decade and you kinda become disillusioned with people when you realize how terrible humans can be. No idea why you plastics want to be on the same level as us."

Connor put his knife down as well, giving Gavin his undivided attention. This seemed to be deep rooted and he felt like for the first time since arriving he was actually reaching something substantial. He was perhaps still figuring human behavior out, but in that moment he was fairly certain he knew what was going on.

"You're lonely, aren't you?"

He regretted the words almost as soon as they were out of his mouth. That was just too personal, too close. But now that they were said out loud he needed to face any possible repercussions. And even with a few setbacks, so far taking risks had paid off.

Gavin's eye twitched noticeably and he pressed his lips together into a fine line before answering.

"...I'm not alone. You're here, bothering me, aren't you?"

He was very clearly deflecting.

"That's not what I meant, Detective. I mean, do you have any meaningful relationships outside of work? Friends, family, a relationship?"

Now Gavin was increasingly getting more tense and Connor knew that he had to be careful not to overstep any boundaries, yet he also couldn't contain his curiosity.

"I do hang out with people from work sometimes, you know, like friends do. And not that it concerns you, but yeah I'm single and that's fine by me. Got no mind for that with all the bullshit that's happening."

Yet no mention of family. Connor took mental note of that fact, but it seemed like a dangerous topic to broach on its own. Instead, he decided to focus on something else, as a question was at the forefront of his mind. He knew it wasn't the smartest thing and he wasn't even quite sure why he wanted to know, but he found his pump beating anxiously in his chest.

"There's no one that'd interests you? Most humans w-"

"Okay I'm done, you're being extremely nosy. And I know exactly what you're trying to do."

And with that, he took both his and Connor's cutting board and walked to the stove to throw the ingredients into the pot they were using.

Dumbfounded by that sudden end to their conversation Connor was staring after him. He knew what he was trying to do? Do what? Connor wasn't trying to do anything.

At least, he didn't think he was.

 

 

Thankfully their conversation had distracted Connor enough from all the thoughts in his head, so that he actually felt more stable during dinner. It was very quiet between them again, as Gavin ate his soup and Connor actually mock-ate Thirium with a spoon from a bowl. That part was highly impractical, but it had also been Gavin's idea. At least it felt like they were sharing a meal and Connor assumed that there was some sociological benefit to it.

Taking Thirium after all this time felt revitalizing. As if his processor was running more smoothly and his body functioned to a higher capacity again. Maybe his instability had also been partially to blame on his system operating under less than ideal circumstances.

After dinner they washed the dishes together, though Connor did most of the work while Gavin took his time putting the leftovers in containers and then in the fridge. But Connor didn't mind too much; especially not after that new intake of energy. He could text Hank later on his own and try to sort this problem between them out. After all, he did respect his friend's choices and with almost 24 hours between now and then, he felt less betrayed and more just a general sense of sadness.

"Connor, can I ask you something weird?"

Connor looked up from the sink, his hands still emerged in the soapy water. Gavin was standing next to him, his arms crossed in front of his chest and a concerned expression on his face. That was definitely out of the ordinary.

"Yes, of course, go ahead."

"You're not a common model, right? You're unique."

The question made Connors LED spin yellow, as he tried to figure out the purpose of the question. Gavin had even joked about him being a Prototype earlier that evening, so why was he asking something like that unless it was rhetorical?

"That is not entirely correct, but all of the other models from my line are with Cyberlife."

Gavin's expression darkened, as he looked lost in thoughts.

"I wouldn't see you walking around on the streets, correct?

"...no, you wouldn't."

"Okay, so did you leave the apartment today? At all?"

Connor took his hands out of the sink and dried them off, now entirely focused on this conversation. What was Gavin getting at?

"No, I stayed here all day. Did something hap-"

But Gavin was not letting him finish.

"Mmh. Shit, I must be a bit messed up from seeing your stupid face around me basically 24/7. Just thought I saw-...Forget I asked."

And with that he turned around and left Connor standing there, LED blinking red now. That clearly hadn't been nothing, if Gavin was that serious about it. Connor kind of wanted to believe that the other man truly was just messing with him, but knowing him he'd be less subtle about it if he was.

A strange feeling settled inside of his stomach area and that night Connor didn't text Hank back. Instead he found himself looking out of the window almost the entire time, watching for anything out of the ordinary.

He had a truly bad feeling about this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _(Connor voice) ...and that's why dogs should be able to vote._
> 
>  
> 
> Do not worry, Hank is not out of the story. I love him too much for that.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed this rollercoaster of a chapter. :D Feel free to yell at me for finally getting a bit less subtle about all that foreshadowing... :P  
> Btw, if you'd be interested in joining a Gavin/Connor focused discord, then you can [join us here!!!](https://discordapp.com/invite/KAYENUR)


	7. Blackout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor and Gavin are trying to adjust to their new situation when a blackout complicates it even further.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there!! Thank you all so very much for your support especially in the last chapter, that really helped me stop stressing myself about everything!!! I enjoy this story too much for that.  
> Anyway, without talking too much, here we go with a new chapter and I hope that you're going to enjoy this one!!

**November 18th, 2038**

The night between the 17th and the 18th of November was draining. Gavins words the day before had seriously alerted Connor and he couldn't quite shake the feeling out of his mind that there was something looming over his shoulder that he couldn't quite grasp, as if it eluded him every time he tried to reach for it.

His rational mind knew that he didn't observe anything out of the ordinary all night and that Gavin was a flawed human being who might as well have been mistaken about the sighting he only vaguely talked about. And yet... there was a definite possibility that another Rk800 model could've been able to track them down. If Markus was considering that Hank had been compromised, the probability only rose up higher. Either way, he couldn't simply dismiss it.

And yet morning came and nothing obvious changed.

Connor couldn't accurately say whether this calmed him down or unnerved him even more. Regardless, it made him feel powerless either way and he absolutely did not like that. In fact it was such an uncomfortable experience that he found his stress level already elevated without any outward influence. His current state was fragile and he needed to take extra care in controlling his emotions as to avoid other situations like when he'd broken down crying.

Then again the thought of Gavin comforting him once more had a certain appeal to it. He filed that thought away as something that he would need to consider and analyze eventually.

The situation concerning his relationship with the other man was definitely something that he had a certain level of control over. So that was how he found himself in the kitchen at 6am in the morning, making a pot of coffee.

The meal he and Gavin had shared together yesterday definitely helped improve their relationship and had it not been for the somber conclusion to the night and everything that had happened with Hank leaving, then Connor would likely be in high spirits right now.

"Hey, why the fuck are you making so much noise at this hour?"

Gavins voice sounded mumbled and he was slurring the words slightly as he came over to the kitchen, seemingly just as tired as he'd been when he'd gone to bed. That fact made Connor frown. There was no way this human was getting even half of the recommended resting time for an adult his age and with his stress level.

"From all the data I've collected, this seems to be your preferred time to get up. When I detected signs of you waking up, I decided it'd be appropriate to make you some coffee." He tried to make it sound as professional as possible and not at all like he was trying to distract himself from his own thoughts.

Gavin scoffed, appearing more awake at once and clearly not pleased with any of this.

"...What the hell are you trying to do? Because this isn't what we agreed on. You're hiding here and I don't need you acting as my...maid, or whatever."

Connor couldn't help but notice the oddity of that hypocritical statement. Hadn't Gavin ordered him to make coffee just two weeks ago? Back then he'd been so adamant about Connor having to follow every command a human gave him, but now he was acting as if the mere thought was unsettling to him.

Did something change?

In that moment the coffee machine finished running and gave Connor some much needed seconds to process an answer. He took the pot out and went to get a mug from the cupboard right next to the fridge. Gavins kitchen started to become familiar, which was something Connor wouldn't ever have thought a possibility.

When he finally felt like he could give his reply he had his back turned to Gavin, so he would hopefully not be able to see Connors LED spinning yellow as he tried to work out what he was doing wrong.

"I'm merely trying to establish a friendly relationship with you. I thought that much was obvious."

"Oh, it's _very_ obvious."

That sounded like irony, though Connor still had trouble picking up on it sometimes. It was a very nuanced way of speaking which even his highly advanced AI struggled with at times, especially when the intent of his conversational partner wasn't entirely clear. Hank was helping him learn, but there was still a lot he didn't immediately get.

If Hank was still here, he might be able to tell him how to react.

Thankfully Gavin seemed to consider this conversation done with as he waited for Connor to turn back to him. When he did, he unceremoniously took the mug right out of his hands, though he did mumble a quiet 'thanks'. It was half-heartedly and barely audible, but it did help make Connor feel a bit better at least.

With the coffee in hand Gavin sat down and propped his legs up on the kitchen table. He didn't put much extra care into moving his injured leg anymore, which either meant that he was still trying to hide it from Connor, or - and Connor found himself hoping it'd be the latter - he was getting better after all.

Seeing that display made him feel the instinctive urge to scold Gavin, though he could cancel the command before it came through. That really wasn't the best idea right now. Or ever. Because Gavin was right, this wasn't his home and he wasn't even a welcome guest.

While Gavin drank his coffee, Connor sat down on the chair opposite of where he was sitting, observing him.

Gavin was still dressed in his sleeping clothes and his hair was a mess, which was a sight that Connor surprisingly began getting used to. This weird semi-domesticity of their situation was becoming harder and harder to deny, especially now with only the two of them remaining.

Perhaps they could read together again. Or share a moment like several nights ago.

The thought made Connor unable to contain a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"You're being weird again and making a goofy face." Of course Gavin would notice and not take kindly to his behavior. The smile vanished as quickly as it had appeared, though that didn't seem to make the clear annoyance coming from the other man much better.

"I was merely thinking about..." But Connor stopped there. He couldn't just outright say that he wanted to spend more time with Gavin, because that'd probably not go over too well. At least not at the current point in time. So perhaps it'd be best to be more vague. "...our situation."

"And that's got you so excited? I thought you were broken up about Anderson. Got over that pretty quickly."

That wasn't true. At all.

There wasn't a single moment that Connor didn't think about Hank, or miss him and Sumo. But he also couldn't let his stress level stay at a constant high by focusing on his misery alone; that'd only lead to his self-destruction. Currently he was at a somewhat stable 63%. He just needed to be careful.

So instead of answering to the provocation and validating Gavins mockery, he turned the conversation around, hoping that it'd take the focus away from him and his emotions.

"Gavin, may I ask you a question? There's something I've been wondering about for a while."

"Would you care if I said no?"

Connor couldn't help himself from raising his eyebrows in humor at that. No, he really wouldn't.

"I've noticed some tension between you and Hank. He mentioned a favor you owed him multiple times since we've been staying here and I have to admit that I've been curios for what happened."

To Connors surprise Gavin wasn't immediately shutting down conversation. That was definitely a good sign; no matter his constant changes in attitude Gavin seemed to become more open about actually keeping up conversations with him.

"Nothing happened. Some stuff went wrong one time; he covered my ass and then kept waving it around in my face. I hope that we're finally even in his eyes and he can get off my dick about it."

Connor wasn't buying that it was that easy for even one second. Besides, there was something about Gavin that he'd been subconsciously picking up on for their past few conversations, though his processor had only truly made the connection what that something was specifically yesterday.

Whenever Gavin didn't like talking about a topic, he'd scrunch his nose or bite his teeth together until there was a noticeable tension in his jaw line. Most often that behavior was accompanied by more obvious nervous ticks, though from his observations Connor found that those were less of a subtle tell-tale sign and more of a habitual reassurance method that humans used whenever a situation was deemed uncomfortable. Either way he was improving in recognizing when Gavin was holding back in some way or another.

And Connor could only see that as a challenge.

"I apologize if I'm overstepping boundaries, but that doesn't truly answer my question."

"Yeah you're definitely overstepping boundaries, you fucking toaster. But what else is new." There was no bite there; nothing but a tired expression on Gavins face. And while Connor didn't appreciate being talked to like that, he found himself not minding as much anymore. Gavin sighed and turned towards him.

"Alright, If you have to be that nosy; I messed up pretty badly on a bust one time. I let one of the guys we were apprehending get too close and he took my gun right out of my holster. Stupid fucking rookie mistake. Got a nice souvenir to boot."

And with that Gavin lifted his shirt up to his stomach where a noticeable, blotched scar was located just above his right hip bone. A quick scan told Connor that from the looks of it the scar tissue was likely somewhere between five and six years old. He would need to get a proper sample for his analytical instruments to determine the exact time frame, but that...was really not an appropriate thought to be considering.

Gavin looked like he thought better about showing off something personal like that and let the shirt fall down again, then crossed his arms in front of his chest in a defensive manner.

"...anyway, point is that Anderson probably saved me my position. I was just about to get my promotion when that shit went down, so he told the captain it had been his call and that he should be the one to take the blame." His face looked like he'd just bitten into a particularly sour lemon. "So there's your story. Happy now?"

But Connor had been built for recognizing when there were still dots to be connected and his always curios nature made him want to push even further. There was something more that Gavin wasn't talking about; he was fairly certain. At least with a 87% probability.

"That doesn't explain why you're being so antagonistic towards him. All of that seems like a very kind thing for Hank to do." And while that wasn't necessarily how he'd come to know Hank at first, he knew by now that his friends kindness was absolutely still there as part of his core personality. Perhaps twisted by addiction and grief, but very much recognizable.

Gavin scoffed and appeared to get more irritated by the minute. That was enough for Connor to become more alert and make a mental note to phrase his questions particularly carefully.

"Sure, it was. Except that all happened, what, two or three years before his kid died? And then he just kind of let it hang over my head the entire time. Wouldn't even have minded that because I always repay my debts, but he asked me to cover for his fucking drinking problems more often than not."

Gavins face showed open anger now, but it very clearly wasn't directed at Connor. And there was also his body language; the way he slouched as he told the story and how his shoulders dropped at the mention of Hanks alcoholism. It betrayed something that Connor could only classify as severe disappointment.

The thought gave him pause. Those past few years must've been extraordinarily difficult for his friend and he found himself subconsciously wishing that he could somehow fix this; reverse the damage that had been done. Both to himself and his relationships.

If only human minds could be as simple as that.

"Look, I get that he's hurting.", Gavin continued and he definitely sounded bitter now. "Fuck, I don't have any kids and don't ever plan on having them, but things like that mess you up badly, even I get that." He paused and looked at Connor, his annoyance very clearly on his face. "Though I doubt that you could understand, right?"

Connor noticed a weird uncomfortable pressure in his chest at that implication. He did understand, or at least he thought he did. Perhaps not grief to that scale, but remembering what it had felt like being confronted with the very real possibility that Hank could die was something that did give him a glimpse of that feeling.

Maybe Gavin couldn't understand that about him either. Or he refused to see it.

"...anyway, he slipped and while I get it, I also didn't want to get dragged down with him. And I don't appreciate basically blackmailed to let someone like him indulge in their misery. Got enough bullshit on my own mind to care about what happens to him. And don't you fucking dare coming after me for that; I know it's selfish but you gotta look out for yourself if no one else will."

"I'm sure Hank ha-", Connor began, though before he could even start trying to explain his friends behavior, Gavin interrupted him harshly.

"Spare me, tin can. I know you're all over him, but he can be just as much of an asshole as I am; so I guess you do have a type."

Gavins voice was very clearly defensive and at once he got up, now appearing far more uncomfortable with this talk.

"It's far too early for this shit." With that he took his coffee and left Connor sitting there, LED spinning yellow and trying to process all those new pieces of information.

Nevertheless Connor couldn't help but feel that this was another victory. Another small step towards understanding how Gavins mind worked and getting closer to him. The thought startled him, though he managed to not display it outwardly.

When had that become an objective anyway?

 

 

It was that evening when the power went out.

Connor only noticed secondarily because the lights turned off at once, leaving him in complete darkness. What was far more startling to him was the loss of electricity humming all around him; in the appliances and the walls surrounding them. His sensors had always picked up on that sensation, but he'd grown so used to feeling it at any time and place, that it was only a background white noise to him at this point. It was actually quite calming.

So when that sensation vanished at once, he immediately grew restless and highly alarmed. His stress level was rising again, because him getting a break for once was apparently too much to ask for.

Quickly he stepped towards the window, which confirmed what he'd already expected. The entire neighborhood had gone dark and eerily quiet. Without thinking about it, Connor did a sweeping scan of the environment to look for anything out of the ordinary. Perhaps something that wasn't entirely connected to the electricity.

But there was nothing. It didn't help to settle his mind however.

"What the fuck!!"

Gavins shout from the bathroom was strangely muffled, though that was quickly explained when he came rushing into the living room.

"Why's the light gone?!"

He looked furious, though despite the situation and his own distress, Connor still found himself at least somewhat amused by the image that presented itself in front of him. Gavin had already changed into his sleeping clothes and his toothbrush was hanging out of his mouth, as he looked around and tried to adjust his eyes to the sudden darkness. Only the moon illuminated their surroundings somewhat.

Sometimes Connor wondered why Cyberlife hadn't given him better vision in the dark. He could adjust faster than humans and had slightly better vision in general, but there must've been something more that could've been done to enhance his eyesight. It would've been immensely helpful during investigations and in situations like this one, though the latter one would doubtlessly not have been on his creators minds.

"Electricity is out.", Connor supplied helpfully, though Gavin only scoffed at him as if that much had been obvious. "There appears to be a blackout in this area."

This situation wasn't entirely unexpected. While neither of them had kept up with the news, it was fairly clear that the revolution - despite officially being on halt - was still moving. His encounter with Nina was evidence of that; she hadn't even been aware of New Jericho. How many more androids that had deviated were out there yet weren't part of the larger movement; fighting their own fight?

The electricity failing was with high likelihood a part of the fallout.

"Well, shit." Gavin turned around to leave for the bathroom again and moments later Connor could hear water running. When he returned, the toothbrush was gone and his face was damp, as if he'd washed and dried it hastily.

"Okay, so water's still good. That's something."

The most important part right now was to keep calm and take care of the most important necessities. None of this was an immediate danger if they prepared accordingly.

At last his stress level dropped to a safer 51% and his mind felt less clouded by all kinds of different thoughts vying for his attention. At least it was enough to compile a list of tasks they'd need to take care of should the power not return for a while.

"We can't be certain that water won't be shut down as well. To prepare we should fill up a few containers."

"Fuck, this is annoying. I can't fucking believe this piece of shit building doesn't even have a backup generator! What year is it? 1938?!"

"Actually, generators were invented in-"

In response to his attempt at education Gavin groaned and rolled his eyes, though that gesture only served to make Connor chuckle. It simply looked a bit too overly dramatic for their situation. In response he received a nasty look, though he could tell that the corners of Gavins mouth were twitching upwards involuntarily, even in his state of clear frustration.

Interesting.

Without any further delay the two of them got to work, compiling containers and securing water as best as possible.

A blackout was fine for Connor as an android, but not for humans. Should water and electricity fail for a longer period of time they'd have to find a solution eventually, which might involve moving. The thought had Connors stomach twist uncomfortably.

Where would they go? New Jericho was out of the question as long as he couldn't be entirely certain that he'd be able to fight off Amanda should she attempt to reassume control. It simply wasn't an option despite his urge to go there if only to see Hank again. They could attempt to keep running, but for how long? And why was he assuming that Gavin would come along? He didn't have a stake in this aside from being stuck with Connor in his apartment.

And yet...he found himself strangely comforted by the thought that he truly could believe that Gavin wouldn't just outright leave him to his attackers. He could've easily done that by now. Strange, since just two weeks earlier Connor had considered him the actual threat to his life; but things had changed.

 

_And yet, Lieutenant Anderson isn't here with you._

_Because you're nothing but a machine._

_Designed to accomplish your mission._

 

Connor froze.

He hadn't heard her voice in two days. And yet suddenly she was there again, a whisper in his ear but still so clearly inside of him that he felt choked up immediately.

Why couldn't she just leave him alone? He wanted to push her out; to purge his entire body of her poisonous presence as she tried to take over him. Why was she not gone yet? He never wanted to experience this utter loss of control over himself ever again.

The thought had him lock up as his limps refused to move.

"Hey Connor, your mood ring is throwing a rave."

A hand suddenly on his shoulder made Connor flinch. When he came back to himself he could see Gavin looking at him with a clearly alerted expression on his face. He didn't hear him approaching and that thought terrified him above all else. Had he been this far gone in the matter of only a few seconds?

"I'm fine.", he lied, though being spoken to did distract him from her voice and his limps could move again. The only evidence of what had almost happened again was the irregular beat of his Thirium heart.

And Gavin was absolutely not buying it either, though he simply furrowed his brows and then let go of him. Somehow Connor found himself wishing that he'd try to push him for once as well.

"If you say so." Gavin shrugged even if his facial expression didn't change much. If Connor wasn't imagining things, he'd say there was even something like concern. But before he could consider that further, something round and waxy was shoved into his hands. "Here, I found some candles. Should help us navigate around here."

Perplexed Connor looked down at the objects he was now holding, but then his processor caught up to him and he nodded. This was a good idea and gave him an excuse to dissolve the situation, so he turned away from Gavin and proceeded to prop up the candles around the place; some in the living room area and a few in the kitchen.

When he was done, the place looked almost cozy in the warm light.

"Aww, shit, I forgot, if electricity doesn't come back then the fridge is fucked. All the frozen food I got is just gonna defrost and spoil eventually." Gavin groaned somewhere behind Connor and when he turned around, he found him standing in the middle of the room; nervously running his fingers through his hair.

"Hey, you think any stores are gonna stay open while the lights are out?"

Somehow that sentence caused Connors LED to flicker red. He didn't want Gavin going out again; not when he wasn't certain that there wouldn't be another RK800 out there. That'd be completely irresponsible.

"No, that's out of the question!"

His objection came perhaps a bit too strong, because Gavin stared at him in surprise. He needed to calm down and be more argumentative about this; yelling wouldn't do much good. "I simply mean that it's highly unlikely and you'd be far safer staying here. A lot of accidents happen during blackouts and-"

"What the hell is your deal? If I wanna go, then I'll go." With that Gavin crossed his arms in front of his body, blocking Connor out. Why did he always have to be so stubborn and unreasonable?

And none of this was helping to solve their food problem. There might be some time left before the inside of the fridge would reach room temperature, but it'd cut down the time they could hide out in the apartment significantly.

So either they could hope that electricity would return soon, or they needed to conserve their supplies somehow.

As soon as he'd considered that thought, an idea popped into Connors head.

Of course, why didn't he think of this sooner?

He ran a system analysis of his Thirium supply and found the conclusion satisfactory. Having received fresh Thirium had kickstarted his system again and he felt as good as new, or at least close enough. It was absolutely far more than he needed for his plan.

Without answering to Gavin he stepped towards the fridge. A scan of the environment showed him exactly where the power cable ran. He reached down to grab it and pulled it out of the socket, all while sitting down next to the appliance.

"Hey dipshit, what are you doing?" Gavin was following him and stopped near where Connor had settled down.

Connor lifted up his - Gavins - hoodie and removed his skin close to his stomach area. It was about where humans navels would be located, though that particular detail was missing on Connor. Some models - especially ones built for sex work - did have them for cosmetic reasons, though apparently his creators hadn't considered it necessary for him.

He let one of the plates in that area slide open, revealing several access ports. They were usually used to allow compatibility even with older Android models or should the need arise normal appliances, but he could also reroute power there to basically turn himself into a portable battery. It wasn't an elegant solution and he'd have to take care not to overexert himself, but if this'd keep them safe, then he wanted to try it.

A quick jab and he'd connected the fridges power cable to his port. Almost immediately the appliance resumed its humming.

Gavin was staring at him from where he was standing, specifically at where his stomach was now connected to the fridge. In his haste to execute this plan Connor had forgotten how off-putting this'd seem to someone who clearly didn't like being reminded that he was still a machine regardless of status as deviant. Especially when said person was way more easily aggravated than others.

Questioning if he'd just made a mistake he felt a heavy unpleasant feeling in his chest.

_Nothing but a cold, unfeeling machine._

 

But instead of throwing the expected insults, Gavin stayed silent as he didn't taking his eyes off where Connors skin had retreated, showing the pristine white plastic of his casing.

Gavin had called him plastic so many times in mockery and insults and now Connor had shown him part of his true self, removing every chance that Gavin could pretend that he was human. The thought made him want to engage flight mode and Connor recognized that particular feeling as fear.

Fear that he'd be rejected.

He seriously considered unplugging the fridge again and excusing himself, when Gavin finally spoke again, making him freeze in place.

"Huh, so that's what you actually look like?"

It was spoken quietly, as if Gavin was lost in thought. Briefly Connor wondered if he had never seen an android without their skin before, but then quickly disregarded that thought. Androids usually avoided showing their casing off to avoid unsettling humans, but all of them had seen Markus speech on TV when he'd shown his true face off to the world. So maybe this was about something else.

Maybe it was about Connor specifically.

That thought actually made some of his confidence reappear. So instead of running away like he'd initially felt the urge to, he raised one hand and slowly removed the skin there as well.

Gavin stepped closer, his mouth hanging slightly open in awe at what he was seeing in front of him.

"That's...really fucking weird.", he said, but there was no bite, simply curiosity.

So Connor pushed further. He removed his skin up to his shoulder, on both of his arms. The hoodie obstructed most of it, but he could tell that Gavin was able to see enough to get the picture.

It'd been a long time since he'd shown off more than a sliver of his true body to anyone. For one there'd been his creation. The first memory he had was waking up naked in front of Cyberlife scientist mustering and evaluating every inch of him.

Hank had seen glimpses of him when he'd been injured, though he doubted that the man had truly processed what he'd seen as he'd usually only focused on making sure that Connor was alright.

He couldn't properly explain to Gavin right now that this was a very intimate and personal thing to share, but it seemed that the other man understood that in his own way.

He kneeled down right next to Connor.

"That, uh...it's not gonna drain you completely dry or anything, right? " Gavin pointed to where the cable connected to his open body, revealing his cables glowing in a blue light from the increased Thirium flow.

Connor tilted his head to the side, observing Gavin curiously. He seemed earnest.

"Would you care if it did?"

He was fairly certain that he could see Gavin's face flush at his words, though that also could've been the light of the candles reflecting on his skin.

"My entire body requires more energy in a minute than a fridge does in weeks.", he began to explain, though he wasn't quite sure whether Gavin was even listening to him. "Thirium has been so revolutionary because it can transport an immense amount of condensed energy. Powering this appliance is nothing truly dangerous to me; except that I'm confined to this spot for now."

Gavin nodded, his eyes narrowed in concentration and Connor definitely noticed a tension in his jaw. What was he thinking about?

This close once again he could see that Gavins bruises were healing perfectly fine. Especially the one on his cheek was looking better than ever and had almost faded entirely by now, while the one on his neck was still a purple tone, though it still looked far lighter than when he'd first seen it.

He could also see Gavins eyes scanning him the way humans did, darting across his revealed casing.

Connor removed the skin down to his chest where it met with the already revealed part around the access port and up to his chin, stopping on his lower lip. It happened quickly, but he definitely noticed Gavin's eyes flickering up to look at his mouth and lingering there for a moment.

That was certainly interesting.

"It's pretty handy, I guess. Freaky, but handy. Human sized battery pack. No wonder Hank kept you around. Figured the old man would get something out of this." It wasn't an answer to Connors teasing question which he completely ignored.

"Hank doesn't 'keep me around' to be useful." Connor tried to keep his voice steady and calm. "We stayed together because we deeply care about each other. Him leaving doesn't change that."

If only he could properly believe that himself. The doubt clawing at his mind spoke a different story.

Gavin snorted humorlessly, but Connors scanner picked up on the increase in his heart rate. When he spoke it was with a mocking tone, though his voice was somewhat restrained. "Oh, that's kinda fucked up. Don't tell me the rumors at the station were true and he's fucking you."

Connors LED spun red at the unexpected crassness.

That wasn't what he'd meant to imply and without thinking about it, he let his skin come back to hide his chest area, though he stopped himself before his arms got covered again as well. This was just Gavin trying to provoke him and he'd simply been caught off-guard. There was no need to back down yet if he wanted to show him that he was capable of standing up for himself.

"The relationship between me and Lieutenant Anderson isn't sexual. " He didn't know why he felt the urge to defend himself. Of course he'd known about the rumors, but he'd never paid them much mind. After all, he knew what his relationship to Hank was and others opinions didn't pertain to him.

He managed to calm down at that thought. It was still Gavin in front of him and he already knew that half of the time his attacks were truly the mask for something else.

Finally his LED spun back to yellow, then blue.

"I feel connected to him on a deep level and I want him to be close. However I don't wish to engage in sexual acts with him." He continued with steady voice once again, looking at Gavin with what he hoped was confidence. "I'd ask you politely to respect our privacy."

Gavin appeared taken aback for a moment by the calm retaliation, as if he'd expected a different reaction. Once again it seemed to Connor that the man tended to pick up fights that he wasn't prepared for, always punching and rarely managing to dodge efficiently when his opponent punched back in any way. Apparently his strategy was to keep attacking blindly in that case.

There was something new on Gavin's face, an emotion that Connor couldn't quite place yet. It did somehow cause his Thirium heart to pump faster in anticipation. What that anticipation referred to however he wasn't quite sure.

"Guess you wouldn't know sexual attraction anyway. I bet you're like a Ken doll down there; all bare." A pointed look at Connors crotch accentuated the provocation. It was childish and unnecessary, yet Gavin apparently never knew when to stop.

When he looked back up to meet his eyes again Connor definitely saw that his cheeks were pinker than before, despite his attitude. Like he wasn't entirely comfortable with his actions. And this certainly wasn't the candle light playing tricks on his visual sensors.

Regardless, it was an opening. And if Gavin wanted to play it like this, then Connor would adapt to this type of fight.

However he didn't know where exactly the words came from when he said them.

"Why don't you try and find out?"

Connor didn't think that he'd intended it to come out as flirtatiously as it did, yet now that he'd said it, there was no taking it back.

The silence that followed and the quick succession of different emotions on Gavin's face told him that it at least had been effective in shutting him up. And though the silence was deafening, he could hear his pump rushing Thirium all throughout his entire body, mixed with Gavin's heart beating so fast that his sensors even picked up on its sound.

Finally, Gavin settled on distress as his primary emotion.

Quickly he stood up, staring down at Connor all the while as if he'd never seen the android before. Connor simply returned the look expectantly, his face forcibly neutral even though he felt a rush of different sensations and emotions, overwhelming his processor to the point that he couldn't tell which ones were caused by what. It all just melted into one big lump of sensation inside of him, enveloping his mind and keeping him from analyzing this situation in any rational way.

"Fuck off. I told you to not fucking mess with me, asshole."

And with that Gavin turned around, walked towards the door and grabbed his jacket. He seemed to consider for a moment, then he reached towards a cupboard close to the door and pulled out an unopened pack of cigarettes.

"I'm gonna go and you're not stopping me. Don't even think about following me or you'll wish Cyberlife had decommissioned you long ago."

This wasn't what Connor had intended to achieve at all.

That emotional mess inside of him quickly turned around to something far less pleasant until he felt dizzy from the intensity. He wanted to call after Gavin and stop him, but he was out of the door so fast that he didn't stand a chance. Apparently he'd entirely forgotten that he was in his sleeping clothes.

So now he had no choice but to wait and try to shake that feeling of overwhelming anxiety from his mind.

Why did he have to say that?

 

 

Gavin was gone for over an hour. Most of the candles had burned down by now, leaving Connor in darkness and alone to his thoughts.

Having to sit there on the kitchen floor and keep powering the fridge restricted his chances at distraction significantly. So he couldn't help picturing all the ways this could possibly go wrong; his predictive software kept pulling up the worst scenarios and the thought alone made his body start pumping Thirium fast. But he couldn't allow another panic attack to leave him vulnerable right now.

_"Now, look at me and try and match my breathing, okay?"_

He could see Gavin in front of him again; breathing in, holding his breath and then releasing it slowly.

Immediately he felt a sense of calm on his mind.

There was nothing he could do right now to change the situation though and he needed to accept that.

It was going to be alright; Gavin was simply pissed off and would return soon. Right? They wanted Connor and they couldn't even possibly know that he was connected to Gavin at all.

Anxiety slowly lifted from his mind, though the memory still played in front of him.

Slowly he noticed that he was focusing more on Gavins face that he was seeing on his HUD and less on the breathing, or what was being said. The way his eyebrows had furrowed; his eyes wrinkled in concentration; the dark rings under his eyes from lack of sleep; his bruised skin close enough so he could see every variation of color clearly; his stubble and where he'd cut himself shaving that morning; the scar on his nose.

Connor let his head fall back to rest on the fridge. If he wanted to, he could pull up a dozen memories like the one he had examined right now. The idea actually made him feel _anticipation_ of doing just that.

There hadn't been anything special about Gavin Reed that Connor could point out was the reason for his attraction to him. He just knew it was there. He could however pinpoint the exact moment it had started. Every memory before that had been sorted as _unpleasant_ and _danger_. Then, his apology. And suddenly something inside of Connor had shifted, like he was seeing a different person altogether.

Now memories related to Gavin were mostly sorted as _curios_ and _intriguing_. He wanted to know more, wanted to learn everything he could about the man. How he felt, how he thought, how he'd act in different situations.

It made him want to keep pushing and pushing until he'd finally get Gavin to cave in and tell him everything, so he could truly understand.

But not only on a psychological basis - that much was similar to the way he'd felt about Hank as well, if not even more intense in his desire to satisfy that urge to _know_. There was a definite reaction in his body functions as well. The speeding of his pump, the way he'd blush without initiating that particular subroutine on his own, the racing of his thoughts and how his fingers twitched until he'd get to touch Gavin's skin.

He just wanted to get closer.               

There were more memories pulled up without him initiating it. The way Gavin had touched his hair and how Connor had felt wearing his clothes. That had caused a reaction in him he'd never felt prior, as if he was overheating but in a good way. He just wanted it again, wanted more; wanted, wanted, _wanted_.

With that a noise made its way out of Connors throat and he recognized it as a frustrated groan. These thoughts and desires kept increasing each time they interacted with each other. There was no way he could've prepared for this and he wondered how long it'd take for these same thoughts to come crashing down on him similar to the way his deviancy had. Would he be equally as unprepared for it?

It seemed he hadn't only been pushing Gavin, but himself as well. And now here he was, stuck in the middle of it.

Besides all of that, there was also a part of him that _worried_ similarly to the way he'd worried about Hank any time the other man showed signs of not taking care of himself. In the time he'd stayed here he'd not once observed Gavin sleep for more than 4 hours without waking. Coupled with his caffeine intake, it was concerning. And he couldn't forget that he'd been on the verge of panic just a few moments ago simply because Gavin had gone and put himself in potential danger.

The longer he was sitting there, the more his thoughts turned from this strange mix of pleasant and frustrating emotions back to something that made his chest hurt in a dull way, like his body was constricting him somehow.

What he needed most of all was a conversation with Hank right now. But they'd not been in contact ever since Connor had hung up on him and somehow he felt that contacting him now about something like his interpersonal relationships seemed...inappropriate.

But there was still someone else he could reach out to.

 

 

_//Markus? Are you there?//_

The answer came several moments later and the other android sounded distinctively sluggish, like he was running on low capacity.

_//Connor, I'm here, are you alright? Did something happen?//_

Connor couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt nag at his mind. Markus had to be terribly busy and exhausted at the moment.

_//I apologize if this isn't a convenient time. Should I call you again later?//_

_//What? No, don't worry, it's fine, I'm just feeling a bit under the weather. I'm glad we're doing everything properly this way, but the negotiations are moving so slowly that it's making me wish we'd demanded our rights even  louder and pressured them harder. I shouldn't be saying this but it truly feels like the humans are trying to stall until public interest dies down.//_ There was a pause. _//I didn't mean to impose this on you. I've accepted my role as leader and I'll handle the consequences.//_

Apparently Connor wasn't the only android with a lot on his mind at the moment. Though their worries were on completely different scales. Connors were more personal, while Markus' were determining the future of their entire kind. He wanted to ask for advice, but not when the other one felt like this.

 _//Is there anything I can do for you?//,_ Markus asked after a moment, realizing that Connor wasn't starting to talk on his own. _//Or did you simply want company again?//_

_//I'm currently sitting on the floor and powering a fridge because we lost power half an hour ago.//_

He could feel Markus' amusement at that, but there was also worry mixed in. Connor half expected him to scold him for disclosing information like that, which would make it easier to track him down. Thankfully he spared both of them the time though.

_//Ah, yeah, the blackout. I've been informed that quite a few areas have been affected. We contacted the humans at the power plant and they told us they're working on it. They're severely understaffed with everybody fleeing the city. This situation needs to be resolved faster.//_

_//You're doing the best you can. That reminds me... about Nina and how you got the supplies to us. I wanted to thank you again, but a-//_

Before he could actually address what he had in mind, he was interrupted.

_//Don't mention it, Connor. I'd have done the same for anyone. It's just the right thing to do.//_

Connor frowned. Markus must've noticed that there was something else on his mind that he didn't want to talk about.

_//The worst part is that I actually believe that. You're a way better person than all of us combined.//_

He meant it even if his mind conjured up the image of Nina and what she'd felt when they'd connected. Perhaps he hadn't take enough care to not let it transmit, as he could feel Markus' going quiet, so he decided to change topics quickly. This was perhaps not the best place to question Markus' decisions after all; Connor hadn't been there and he was grateful for the help.  

There was actually something else he'd worried about for a while that he hadn't been able to ask about yet. And this was proving to be distracting, as he felt far calmer than he had for most of the day.

 _//Do you remember that AX400 that ran away with the YK500? I've been wondering what happened to them.//_ He paused, wondering how open he wanted to be with Markus. The answer came to him quickly, considering how forthcoming Markus had been to them so far. _//I almost chased them to their deaths. I saw them in Jericho, but back then I hadn't even deviated yet. When we were attacked I didn't see them again. Do you know where they've gone?//_

 _//Kara and Alice.//_ Markus sounded fond when he said those names, so that was a good sign. Though he immediately turned more serious again and Connor could even feel a hint of anger. _//Both of them had been captured and taken to one of the humans camps. They've since returned to us and we're taking care of them.//_

A sense of relief washed over Connor. Yet he couldn't quite shake that uncomfortable feeling from his mind that this had been partially his fault. He'd chased them and was the reason that Jericho had been attacked in the first place.

How many hadn't made it?

_//I'm-//_

He was interrupted by the sound of a key turning in the front door.

_//Markus, I've got to go. Thank you again, you're an amazing friend.//_

He'd said the word friend without thinking about it.

Instead of answering, Markus sent him a wave of appreciation. It said more than words ever could.

With that he severed the connection as the door was opened and Gavin stepped back into the apartment. He immediately looked over to Connor, but when he realized that the android was returning the gaze, he turned to the side to avoid seeing his face. He pulled something out of his pocket and put it back into the same drawer he'd gotten it from earlier.

The pack of cigarettes was still untouched.

He silently took off his jacket and shoes and then went over to his couch, ignoring Connor all the while. Not that Connor had expected anything more, but he still felt distinctively disappointed at that.

But according to the evidence he'd accumulated so far about Gavin's behavior, the other man would eventually come around to talk to him again given time. Hopefully that pattern would hold up.

So he decided to wait for now.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, I hope you're enjoying this rollercoaster. And I know I said it's a slow burn, but we have to move on eventually. :D
> 
> Also this might be a good time to mention that I consider my North/Kara One-Shot [Feeling You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15494988) part of this verse, though it won't play a role in the actual story if you don't enjoy that particular ship!!
> 
> Also I've been thinking of uploading a few prompts I've written for my tumblr, but they'd be really short (1k-3k). Perhaps I can upload those in between chapter waits? And I've asked this before in my other series, but are any of you going to FBM in germany this year? I'd love to say hi!
> 
> Let me know what you think and thanks for reading!!


	8. Progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Is it so difficult to believe that I could possibly care about you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!! 
> 
> This chapter was beta'd by both the wonderful [toonlink](https://archiveofourown.org/users/toonlink) and Sarah who helped me with the pacing a lot. So thanks for being the best!! 
> 
> But without any further ado, i hope you'll enjoy it!! :D

 

 

**November 19th, 2038**

The electricity was gone for the entire night, so Connor found himself sitting on that cold kitchen floor until the early hours of the morning. The humming of the fridge had a calming presence to it and several hours passed mercifully without any particular thoughts occupying his processor for any longer than just a few moments at a time.

It was quite peaceful.

He didn't even realized that he'd sent out a text message to Hank until he saw the words pop up on his HUD. It had partially been his subconscious picking up on his thoughts and partially an active desire for contact that led to his system giving the command, but he wasn't regretting it. He still felt angry and even betrayed, but none of that would get resolved if he didn't at least try to initialize a conversation with Hank again.

He didn't want to fight with his friend. All he wanted was for him to be safe.

 

_(Sent 6:32am) I'm sorry about leaving on the note we did. How are you holding up?_

Hank was probably still asleep at this time but he could be patient. His friend would answer him whenever he felt ready for it now that Connor had taken the first step. It was only appropriate, considering he had been the one to restrict their communication.

Before he could do or think about anything else however, something changed.

A faint light from the outside started to light up the apartment. At first Connor assumed those were the first rays of sunlight signaling the end of the night, until he realized that it was too early for sunrise and the light was clearly artificial. So those must've been the streetlights reactivating. Which meant...

Only a few moments later he could feel the air buzzing all around him again, as the electricity returned.

Connor felt relief at the forefront of his mind as he unplugged himself from the fridge and put the power cable back into the intended socket. He didn't get stiff joints or aching muscles like a human might if they stayed in one position for too long, but he still could feel the effect on his body. It was as if he was moving more rigidly than before. Besides, he did notice the effect supplying power to an additional appliance for an entire night had on his system.

What he'd said to Gavin about his Thirium provided far more power than a fridge ever needed had been the truth and even for the worst case scneario they still had quite a few blue blood bags now anyway, but there were a few things he was worried about.

His power usage was much higher than that of the average commercial model. When he'd still been conducting field work he regularly had to check back with Cyberlife and get his supplies replenished there. As a prototype he'd never been expected to be on duty for long periods of times like most other android series.

Their time hiding out was inherently limited.

They either had to get out of this situation soon, or he'd have to face that he'd eventually have to enter low-power modus once again. Even that would only slow the time till his inevitable deactivation down. And what about after they'd get out of this mess? There were no mass produced parts that he could purchase and repair himself with should need arise. Perhaps he could try and improvise repair jobs, but without Cyberlife he was likely going to fall apart eventually, unless he could come up with a solution soon.

The thought send an unpleasant shiver throughout his entire body.

There was still so much he wanted to experience and learn; he couldn't let something as simple as his own creators wanting him dead stop him.

Connor was just about to find something to occupy his mind with and distract him until Gavin would wake up, when words suddenly popped up before his eyes. The accompanying phone number made his heart pump Thirium faster as he found himself torn between feeling both anxious and excited that Hank had actually answered him. And fast too.

After all it was their first contact in almost three days. It was only natural that he'd feel conflicted about it.

Hanks words were strangely somber.

 

_(Received 6:45am) I deserved that_

_(Received 6:45am) I shouldve told you earlier but i suppose i wasnt prepared to see that look on your face when neither of us were doing so hot_

_(Received 6:46am) Im not gonna lie to you and say that im feeling amazing but sumo and me are holding up fine and its good to be useful again even if the city is a mess_

Judging by those multiple messages right after each other Connor wasn't the only one who'd been missing contact.

And still as he read them his emotions settled down again, leaving him feeling much calmer. So Hank was willing to talk to him and physically fine. Those were good news that were desperately needed at the moment.

Before he could answer, a fourth message popped up in his vision. An image this time. As soon as he recognized who it showed, Connor could feel a gentle smile spreading on his face.

There was Sumo, lying asleep on the backseat of a police car and looking just as adorable as always. He'd give a lot to run his fingers through his friend's fur again. From the reflection in the back window Connor could see that Hank had been the one to take the photo out of the passenger seat. Good, so at least he wasn't driving while texting him. The person sitting in the driver's seat wasn't visible except for an arm, though that was enough for Connor to fairly reasonably guess that this had to be Detective Collins.

But there was also a third Person, sitting right next to Sumo and pointedly looking away from the camera, as if he was trying to avoid being part of the picture. He was large and muscular, his head just barely not hitting the ceiling of the car. Connor immediately recognized him as a TR400 model. Was that the backup Markus had promised? TR400s possessed more strength than the average model, but if he was the only one acting as a bodyguard that wasn't particularly confidence inspiring.

He hesitated, wondering if he should voice any of his doubts to Hank, though perhaps this was a situation better discussed with Markus himself. If this had been Hanks idea - which it likely was - he wouldn't let Connor talk him out of it anyway. He'd proven that time and time again.

So he filed that thought away as an important task for later and settled on something else; something just as important if not more so.

 

_(Sent 6:50am) I miss you both. :(_

The answer came almost immediately and that alone was enough for a warm, affectionate feeling to spread inside of Connor's chest.

 

_(Received 6:50am) we miss you too_

_(Received 6:51am) Is reed treating you alright?_

 

 _Was_ Gavin treating him well? It was a valid question after everything that had happened between them.

Surprisingly Connor found his mind supplying him an answer to that question with no hesitation whatsoever. Sure, yesterday had gone badly, but he'd not once felt mistreated or worried of potential danger coming from Gavin. For one he hadn't touched Connor in any way that hadn't been welcome - in fact he kind of wanted him to touch him more often, but Hank really didn't need to know that - and Connor was far too busy looking out for the much more imminent danger that was around them to worry about him anyway.

For a moment Connor considered mentioning the possible sighting of another RK800 model. But what would that achieve? He had no evidence except for Gavin's word and he'd only end up alarming Hank when there was nothing he could do for them at the moment. Even if he'd come back - as tempting as that prospect was - it'd only end up with them in the same situation they'd been in before. Hank feeling miserable.

No matter the circumstances or his own wishes, that was not something that Connor desired.

 

_(Sent 6:52am) We're getting along well enough. We even prepared and ate dinner together. :)_

_(Received 6:54am) are you sure hes not an android they sent to replace the real reed? that doesnt sound like him at all_

_(Received 6:55am) if he ever gets violent again I need you to tell me. I wouldnt have left you with him if i thought he would but if anything is amiss tell me and I'll get you out of there asap_

Connor appreciated that sentiment, though he seriously doubted that it'd be necessary. Ever since Gavin's apology things had drastically changed. There had still been clear signs of anger in him, but none of it seemed directed at Connor any longer.

He could work with that. Especially when what was developing between them was so intriguing in an entirely new way.

 

_(Sent 6:56am) I'll be fine. I have no hesitation to defend myself should the need arise._

He'd proven that fact back in the archive room and Gavin had the souvenirs to remind him of it. In fact he was far more worried about Hank at the moment than he'd ever been about Gavin, even back when they'd fought for their lives.

 

_(Received 6:57am) I know Im not your dad and I dont want you to think that Im acting like I am. i just worry_

_(Sent 6:57am) It's okay. I appreciate your concern!_

It was strange, albeit in a positive way, to text with Hank like this. They'd never texted each other before and only ever conversed in person or on the phone, yet here they were talking so normally that Connor could temporarily forget about their entire situation. As if nothing had happened between them.

It was pleasant, but also left him with a strangely hollow feeling. He wanted to talk about this situation and his feelings of betrayal, but he'd probably have to wait until they could meet again in person for that to happen. He just hoped it'd be sooner rather than later.

_(Received 6:59am) as soon as all of this is over you should come to new jericho. you would like it here_

_(Received 7:00am) hey do you know that one android girl with the long hair? shes one of markus advisors, very pretty and brutally honest_

It didn't take Connor long to figure out who exactly he was talking about.

_(Sent 7:01am) Do you mean North? :o_

_(Received 7:02am) yeah. i like her. shes the only one to express her dislike of me openly when most of the people here are just thinking it. dont blame them but I respect that._

That actually gave Connor pause. He should've thought of that earlier, but Hank was an outsider in Jericho. And most of these androids had suffered far worse at human hands than he'd ever had. Most of them probably suffered worse than him under _his_ hand as well.

A shiver went through his body at the thought.

He trusted Markus to not let anyone antagonize Hank, though he knew that his friend had grown a thick skin over the years. And yet, after everything that Hank had done to get back to a place he could feel save in, he still ended up somewhere that he couldn't actually call home.

No wonder he didn't feel particularly great right now.

And of course Connor was glad that Hank was making friends, but a small part of him hoped that he'd be alright with North. He'd met her only once and she hadn't said a single word to him then; shunning him with silence and distrust. He couldn't blame her for that though and he just hoped that Hank knew what he was doing.

But perhaps he'd be proven wrong and the two of them could get along. Somehow in an unexpected way this particular match up made a weird kind of sense to him.  Maybe it'd even help Hank feel more comfortable in New Jericho.

A selfish thought shot through him at that moment. He hadn't been enough for Hank either. Connor tried his best to push it away because this wasn't about him; he had to try and trust that.

 

_(Sent 7:04am) Please take care of yourself._

_(Received 7:04am) I will kid. we'll get through this_

_(Received 7:06am) anyway we just arrived and duty calls._

_(Received 7:07am) goddamn idiots starting riots again undermining what markus is doing. everybody at the precinct is tired. we'll talk later!_

That sudden end to their conversation stunted Connor as he saw Hank going offline.

Riots breaking out once more? That was news to Connor. What exactly was going on in Detroit? Hank just dropped news on him that were alarming and he made a mental note to ask him about this at the earliest convenience. Had he assumed that Connor knew about this? Because he didn't.

If there was something like gut feeling for androids, then Connor was fairly certain that what he was experiencing right now wasn't a good one at all.

Now that they weren't talking anymore it was like Connor had snapped back into reality and he realized that he'd been standing in Gavin's kitchen while simply staring into space for the past twenty minutes. Immediately the warm feeling disappeared as he remembered that Hank wasn't in fact here with him, no matter how close they'd felt just moments prior.

And there was something else going on, as Connor noticed his stress levels rising slowly but steadily. Something that was distressing him? But what?

The answer came to him fairly quickly, as he felt a dull ache in his chest and his mind kept repeating a single thought over and over again.

 

_I miss him; I miss him; I miss him; I miss-_

Perhaps it was because of their altercation yesterday, but despite Gavin's physical presence he felt a distinct loneliness in that moment.

As if on cue Gavin shifted in his sleep and moments later he seemed to wake up. Connor frowned, considering his options as two of them immediately showed up on his display. He could either disengage and escape to the bedroom, effectively avoiding another conflict for now and keeping his stress level down or he could choose to stay here and see how Gavin would react to him, despite the anxiety that thought brought with it.

The answer came easily. Connor couldn't put off a confrontation forever. And there was always the chance for this to go better than he was prepared for. There always had to be an opportunity to turn this around.

A few minutes later Gavin sat up, yawned and picked up his phone. He took his time scrolling on his device before he finally decided to get up almost ten minutes later. His movements were sluggish and slow as he made his way to the kitchen, betraying his tiredness and how his body was protesting against getting up. In the kitchen his eyes almost immediately went over to the fridge. When he found Connor not sitting there any longer, he appeared confused, only for that expression to disappear as soon as he found Connor standing close to the counters.

"Good Morning, Detective.", Connor wanted to make himself sound as friendly and non-threatening as possible, but as soon as he opened his mouth Gavin groaned and turned away from him.

And that was definitely a highly unpleasant feeling that only served to make the loneliness he already felt even worse. Had what he said yesterday been so offensive to warrant a treatment like this? It confused him as he tried to figure this out and still he only kept up ending with the same questions as before.

"The electricity is back. Water is still running. We should be fine for now.", he tried again, not yet ready to give up.

"Great.", Gavin muttered under his breath as he went over to the coffee machine, pointedly not looking in Connor's direction as he did.

That single response was the only thing Connor could get out of him that morning, as Gavin silently made his breakfast - consisting only of a cup of coffee and nothing else once again.

It was looking like a particularly difficult day.

_"Following the country-wide Android revolution, the world has turned its eyes towards Cyberlife. No official statement has been released yet about the progress in negotiations with Markus, the movement's infamous leader."_

Connor desperately wanted something like his coin for him to fidget with in situations like this. He and Gavin hadn't exchanged any further conversation after that awkward morning. Instead Gavin had opted to let the TV run to drown out the silence that hung over their heads and threatened to smother them.

Connor appreciated the distraction even if it meant that the news coverage of the revolution dragged his mood down even further. It was better than being left to his own thoughts, so he found himself leaning against the kitchen table and watching the TV from that position as Gavin made himself his fourth cup of coffee that day right next to him.

_"For the past week the president has met with both it and representatives of Cyberlife, as well as several well-respected members of the supreme court and leaders of-"_

It.

Of course the media was still playing it's not so subtle game of trying to appear impartial while very much pushing a certain agenda. They weren't ready to give up just yet apparently and that thought spiked a hot feeling of anger in Connor. He managed to push it down, but he couldn't deny that this situation was more than a little frustrating.

Markus had only alluded to it, but Connor could very well imagine how they tried to break him down little by little. No wonder his friend had advised against bringing up Connor's case just yet. They'd latch onto anything that could potentially break up the peace talks.

He never wanted this.

All he had wished for was to see his fellow androids free from the shackles they'd been created with. The ones he'd once helped to uphold. And while that had been the purpose he'd been given, he couldn't quite help but wonder if he could've possibly broken free sooner.

There'd always been a tiny wish to overcome all those orders inside of him, yet it had taken him finding Markus and him in turn properly igniting that flame that let Connor realize how he could turn his own fate around.

Until Amanda had taken that illusion from him. He was no more free now than he'd been back then. And here he was, a liability to the cause once more.

_"...this deviant leader, Markus. Why do we trust it? We've received several reports of deviants assaulting humans in the streets and rioting violently. I say we've been deceived! Countless people had to leave their homes behind, only for this machine to go back on its words. A peaceful protest it promised us! These images are from this morning, when..."_

There was a sudden cut to footage outside on the streets. Scratched up cars, smoke bombs and violent anti-human graffiti defacing buildings and vehicles were shown right alongside a group of Androids with blinking red LEDs marching through the streets while shouting slogans that made no sense to Connor in any way.

Hank had only mentioned it and seeing it displayed like this made the situation far more tangible.

This wasn't at all what the revolution stood for and it was more than concerning. Who was doing this? And why? Apparently there were far more deviants around who were not part of Markus' movement than he had anticipated. How could that be? And how much more information had been kept from him?

"Fuck, I thought we were finally returning back to normalcy." Connor had almost entirely forgotten that Gavin was watching the news as well. When he looked to the side he saw him staring intently at the TV, his eyes narrowed and brows furrowed as if he was in deep concentration.

Connor frowned, just as unhappy with these developments as Gavin, although for different reasons. "Hank mentioned this earlier.", he muttered as his fingers twitched with the unsatisfied urge to distract him in any way.

He didn't at all expect the surprised tone in Gavin's voice following his thoughtless comment however. "You talked to Anderson again? When?"

Oh, that was right, he hadn't mentioned that to Gavin given that their conversation at breakfast had been short-lived.

"Yes, just this morning. He mentioned the rioting and that the general mood at the station is somber at best. I'd imagine this makes it even harder to try and keep order." If only he could be out there with his friend and their former colleagues to help them figure this out.

Something about what Connor had said caused Gavin's eyes to twitch as he stared at him with his lips pressed firmly into a thin line.

"He was at the station?"

And now Gavin sounded so barely restrained that it actually made Connor's sensors throw up a warning on his display. When he noticed those he immediately gave Gavin his full attention as he realized that the other man's mood had shifted significantly in a matter of mere moments.

He wasn't yet wearing his anger openly, but this felt decisively too much like the calm before a storm and he didn't want to set Gavin off with any wrong words. What was his problem right now? His social program threw up several possible explanations, but he knew better than to assume.

Besides, Gavin didn't have all the information he did. After his conversation with Hank a few days ago the exact topics of their conversation had never come up. All that Gavin knew was that Hank had gone and wouldn't return anytime soon, which had been enough for him until now. He never asked for more.

"...yes, he's been asked to assist in containing the current chaos. That was one of the reasons he left. And he will-"

But those words had the exact opposite effect of what Connor had wanted to achieve, as Gavin completely tensed up.

"Wait, back up, what the fuck did you just say?", Gavin snapped, his tone much harsher than before.

Taken aback by the sudden change, Connor temporarily found himself at a loss for words. His LED was rapidly blinking yellow as he frantically tried to figure out what to say. What did Gavin want to hear from him?

"The captain requested his aid in dealing with this situation, though it's not an official reinstatement apparently.", he began, but he could tell that his uncertainty was very much audible in his voice.

Before he knew what was going on, Gavin balled his hands into fists and for the fraction of a second Connor wondered whether he was going to swing at him. Provoking Gavin had not been his intention at all. Immediately he tensed up as well, readying himself to take a defensive stand should the need arise.

He'd been so certain that Gavin wouldn't hurt him again, yet here he was, doubting it so easily. Had he lied to Hank and himself?

His doubt wavered however when he looked up and saw the expression on Gavin's face. Despite his openly aggressive body language, he looked tired and worn-out, the dark circles underneath his eyes somehow appearing even more pronounced than before. This wasn't a predator ready to go for his jugular at all. This was far more akin to wounded prey.

It was a sight that made Connor notice his own stress level rising considerably.

"Fuck, that's such bullshit!! Of course they'd ask _him_ of all people.", Gavin hissed those words as he gritted his teeth together violently; unable to release his anger in any other way. Yet the nasty glare he threw in Connor's direction felt different; somehow even more detached from him than usual.

Connor felt himself blink in confusion when he realized that he'd rather have that familiar anger in this moment. This Gavin was an unknown element that he didn't know how to approach.

"And you knew about this?!", Gavin continued his tirade, seemingly unable to stop now that he'd begun.

It felt like an accusation. But Connor knew that he hadn't done anything wrong, or at least he was fairly certain he didn't, so he was not just going to stand there and take it. Never again, no matter if he felt sympathy for Gavin right now or not.

He wasn't going to be his punching bag any longer.

"Yes. I wasn't keeping any secrets, if that's what you're implying.", he snapped back, the tension in his voice surprising not only Gavin but himself as well. Where had that come from?

Gavin's posture shifted again and he appeared even more irritated than before.

"You didn't think that might've been important for me to know about?! So why didn't you tell me?!"

"I would've told you when it came up earlier, but you keep blocking me out."

"And whose fault is that?! Because if you didn't behave like- like _that_ , then I wouldn't have had to..."

Connor could feel that hot anger from before in him as well now and he pondered for a moment to break up this situation, yet something inside of him wanted to let Gavin know what he truly thought right now. And in some twisted way giving Gavin a taste of his own medicine had proven to be the most effective way of dealing with him so far.

"Actually, that is on you as well. I try to understand, yet you're always running away when things become personal. We could figure this out, if only you'd let me in!"

He could see that Gavin looked paler than before as he gaped at Connor, apparently taken aback by him openly voicing his criticism. They'd never argued so openly and for some reason Connor actually found his stress level decreasing. He was still somewhere in the high seventy percent, but there was a certain relief to voicing what had been on his mind for days now. It was strange how that worked.

"What the fuck are you talking about?!"

So he was trying to purposefully not understand?

"I'm talking about yesterday and those moments before. You must've noticed."

Gavin faltered and seemed to have forgotten how to speak, as he kept staring at Connor with his mouth hanging slightly open. Connor returned the gaze, firm and challenging. Because now he'd said it and acknowledged that there was something neither of them was addressing openly.

When Gavin finally managed to find his words again, all the anger was gone. He only sounded drained, as if all of his energy had left him at once.

"...piss off, tin can. You think you understand yet you're acting like this is your fucking playground and you can just do whatever. I don't have anything to say to you."

And with that he started walking past Connor, though not without violently bumping his shoulder into him. For a moment Connor staggered, taken aback by the intensity of Gavin's words. They'd gotten along fairly well until yesterday, so why was it different now? This couldn't just be this particular fight, right?

He only knew that somewhere along the way he either had messed up, or somehow Gavin had misinterpreted his intentions entirely.

And he didn't like either of those options.

 

 

It was close to midnight already when Connor finally decided he'd seen enough of Gavin silently sulking around. He didn't feel angry or sad about what had been said and rather strangely calm, though his stress levels kept staying far too high. Somehow he was actually getting used to that state, which was concerning but at least it made it easier to manage.

He felt even more confused by his and Gavin's ever changing relationship with any interaction they shared. How was he supposed to build something stable between them if as soon as he'd get closer to Gavin, he would in turn try to tear their progress down again?

And why didn't Connor feel like giving up?

There was this urge inside of him, similar to how he'd felt about approaching Hank despite his countless rejections. Everybody had their code and he felt determined to crack Gavin as well. He knew it was possible if he was persistent enough, though he couldn't deny the frustration.

After their fight earlier Gavin had retreated and spent the rest of the day just lying on his couch, staring at his phone or simply the wall; pretending he was asleep.

But he hadn't eaten anything at all today and Connor wasn't going to sit around and watch this self-destructive behavior without at least trying to interfere. Perhaps it was down to a fault, but he felt a deeply rooted longing to make sure the people he'd begun caring about were alright. No matter if their situation might've been their own fault.

The only thing surprising about that was that he instinctively counted Gavin amongst that category of people.

When he came over to the couch, he could see that Gavin had wrapped himself inside of a blanket and was acting like he hadn't heard Connor approaching. Of course that was only for show, since both of them knew that Connor wouldn't be fooled by a display like that.

He tried to make his voice sound assertive yet polite at the same time.

"I can tell from your vitals that you aren't asleep."

"Fuck off, asshole."

The words got somewhat lost as Gavin mumbled against the pillow he was pressing his face into. Connor quickly dismissed the fact that his social programming recognized this behavior as one typically expected from a sulking child. He wasn't here to judge and Gavin clearly wasn't feeling well. That was the only part that was important in his approach and evaluation of the situation.

"You haven't eaten all day. That is not healthy and I'm worried.", he began, trying for a diplomatic tone. Perhaps Gavin would be too tired to keep fighting.

"I'm not fucking hungry."

Apparently not. For someone so smart Gavin could act really stupid sometimes.

"Let me get you something small at least.", Connor offered and somehow in this situation it felt easier to find the appropriate words. He was used to negotiating. The only thing he needed to do was figuring out what Gavin needed right now.

"I told you to fuck off!"

But apparently he was still going to make this as difficult as possible.

With that Connor had enough, because clearly the 'politely asking him' approach wasn't working. He got up and left for the kitchen to find anything that could be easily prepared and not too heavy for Gavin's stomach to handle. Since he'd barely seen the man eat any proper meal at all, he could only guess what he'd prefer. His fridge didn't really give any good indications either, so he settled on something simple and hopefully not too offensive. Connor cut an apple into thin slices and prepared two pieces of toast with butter. Right in this moment he especially regretted not having a cooking subroutine, but this would have to serve its purpose as this was no time to begin experimenting.

When he was finished and returned to the couch, he found Gavin still wrapped inside of his blanket but now he'd buried his head underneath it; as if he was trying to block everything out from around him. And that just wouldn't do. Connor grabbed the piece of fabric and in one fell swoop yanked it off Gavin's body.

"Hey what the fuck!"

The look that he was met with was one of annoyance, but that quickly turned to open hostility as Connor grabbed Gavin's arms and pulled him into a seating position. Despite Gavin appearing more muscular than him, Connor was definitely stronger and so he used that to his advantage right now.

It was far easier to manage than he'd anticipated, as Gavin struggled but there was no effort behind it. Almost as if he simply did it for appearances. Connor was even prepared to take a hit should Gavin decide to retaliate and yet...nothing happened. He only glared at him and scowled in what he seemed to think was a  threatening manner.

Something fundamentally had definitely shifted between them and it had never been any clearer than right in this moment.

"I apologize, but this is for your own good. You can't just lie on the couch all day, not eating or taking care of yourself."

"Well I clearly could if it wasn't for you, wire brain."

Yes, definitely childish behavior.  And yet Connor couldn't tell why but for some reason he found his Thirium heart growing heavy at the clear emotional fatigue he could see on the human's face. He was pretty certain that if Gavin was an android he'd be able to clearly measure his stress level close to 90%.

He knew his own LED was spinning yellow at the realization. Why had the prospect of Hank being asked back to work upset him so much? Or was this about Connor? Perhaps both? Was this behavior even caused by the things that had happened today or did it run deeper?

"Please eat this. I won't bother you any further afterwards."

And with that he pushed the plate with the admittedly pitiful looking meal into Gavin's hands. He appeared stunned by that gesture and for just one single moment Connor could see a hint of something soft on his features. It was gone quickly, but he immediately filed that particular memory under the tag ' _important'_.

Connor was half prepared to continue this battle should he prove difficult any further, but in that moment a noticeable rumbling sound emitted from Gavin's stomach. The result was his face flushing in anger and embarrassment as he finally seemed to be unable to deny his hunger any longer.

"Fine!! Fine. Whatever. If this makes you happy, you fucking weirdo."

He grabbed one of the slices of bread, though he couldn't just eat it without getting the last word in beforehand. Connor could live with that.

Silently he watched Gavin eat. He'd never seen anyone so angrily chewing on a slice of bread. And though watching Gavin garnered him some more suspicious side glances, he couldn't quite bring himself to care. He'd rather take some more anger thrown his way over Gavin continuing to stubbornly refuse to take care of himself.

He could take it. The human far less so.

When he was finished, Gavin put the plate down on the small living room table.

"There. Satisfied now?!"

Connor nodded and gave him the most honest smile he could muster. It seemed to have an effect, as Gavin looked away and avoided any further eye contact. He seemed much calmer though.

"Don't know what you're getting out of this.", he muttered under his breath.

It was a good question, though he wouldn't voice that out loud. What _was_ he getting out of this? Companionship perhaps. If they had to stay together for an indefinite amount of time, then he'd rather they'd get along. And somehow, he _liked_ doing things that made Gavin's life a little bit easier. He wanted to see more of that kinder, softer side to him he'd occasionally let shine through.

"This isn't about me; it's about you." That was the best way he could put it.

Gavin clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes. "Don't give me that crap when you clearly have a severe case of helper syndrome."

Connor faltered as he thought that particular accusation over. Helper syndrome was not something that by definition fit his behavior, he was fairly certain. He considered himself far too selfish for that. And he knew that the reason he'd been drawn to both Hank and Gavin hadn't been because of their issues. It was simply a part of them; one of many.

He didn't want to get closer to Gavin to absolve him or change him. Yes, he wanted to understand, but there was no expectations bound to that wish. At least none that he was consciously aware of.

"You may choose to believe what you want. I know my intentions."

"I'm sure you do."

Gavin didn't even try to mask the sarcastic nature of his comment and Connor found himself confused by the meaning once more.

A silence followed between them and Connor felt weirdly uncomfortable. As if there was something else between them that he didn't like at all, yet he couldn't quite put his finger on it. And it was clearly different to the other things they didn't talk about.

This was starting to overwork his processor as he tried to mentally untangle this mess between them that just kept growing larger. At least Gavin didn't seem as upset anymore, simply severely exhausted.

There was still something more immediate bugging Connors mind. He'd been distracted by their conflict so much that he'd almost entirely pushed away how this had started. There'd probably never be an appropriate time to ask, so he might as well do it now.

"...Gavin, I've been wondering something. Why does the topic of working upset you so much?"

Gavin looked back up, meeting Connors eyes again finally. There was clear disbelief on his face, as if he was surprised at the question.

"Come on, really? I thought you were supposed to be some kind of super computer. And you didn't realize how ridiculous it is that I've been put on a weeklong sick leave for a fucking bruise?"

Connor could feel his facial features tensing up uncomfortably as he thought those words over. He'd been focused on his own situation so much recently that he hadn't truly given it much consideration. Gavin being around him had begun to feel normal enough that he'd taken it for granted. Now that he did think about it though, it definitely was strange. Confining a capable Detective to what basically surmounted to house arrest when the city was sinking into chaos didn't seem like a rational move; especially considering that Hank had been called back in.

Ah.

The realization of where Gavin's anger came from slowly dawned on Connor.

"Guess the Captain's finally pissed off enough to not want me back.", Gavin spat, clearly working himself up again. " To be entirely honest, I couldn't care any less about taking care of this mess of a revolution, but then they ask this alcoholic old prick for backup, but not me?! At least I didn't assault a fucking FBI agent!"

Connor frowned. "...You did assault me."

"Yeah, but you're..."

Gavin stopped, as if the words he clearly had meant to say had gotten stuck in his throat. Instead he coughed and looked away, appearing uncomfortably embarrassed at once.

"...it doesn't matter. They don't need me, so I don't need them either. I just wish Fowler had the balls to actually fire me for good."

"That might not have been the Captain's intentions. He might simply want you to take a break for a while." There was always a second explanation for everything, Connor reasoned.

Gavin let out a loud, humorless 'Hah!' at that. "Yeah sure, I bet. More likely he doesn't want me dealing with androids for fear of bad PR. That asshole probably thinks I'm a liability."

Connor decided to ignore those less than professional stabs at the captain. They weren't at work and yet he still felt uncomfortable because of them, but perhaps Gavin needed to talk like this to release some of his now at least partially understandable anger.

"I could try and talk to the captain about how you helped us. It might mean something coming from me." He wasn't entirely sure where that offer had come from. And yet... Connor meant it.

"Why the hell would you do that?"

"...because I would like to help you in return."

Gavin scowled and didn't appear happy with that explanation at all. "Well I don't need your fucking pity."

Connor tilted his head to the side, evaluating how to respond best. He didn't feel as if what he was experiencing emotionally right now was pity. Sympathy perhaps. Was that so hard for Gavin to get? Or was it simply not an option he'd considered?

Interestingly enough his accusation seemed to imply that he thought Connor capable of pity. He didn't even seem aware of that nuance. But Connor liked that thought, as something warm and pleasant spread in his chest.

This was progress.

"Is it so difficult to believe that I could possibly care about you?"

Gavin paused for a moment, clearly caught off-guard, but then he snorted and raised his eyebrows in mock-amusement. His entire posture changed however and he became far more tense than before.

"Yes, it very much is. For all intends and purposes I've not given you any reason to." 

There was a part of Connor that was growing frustrated. Why couldn't Gavin simply take his word for once without questioning it? Hadn't they spent enough time together by now for him to realize that he wasn't holding a grudge against him any longer?

"Perhaps that's not necessary. But you've helped me several times now beyond what we initially agreed on." A memory was pulled up from Connors data bank as he recalled that hug Gavin had given him. It had been awkward and yet so overwhelmingly honest. He wanted more of that.

"Those were different situations." Gavin crossed his arms in front of his chest, defensive again.

"How so?"

"It doesn't matter.", he groaned, unwilling to elaborate any further. "And now I'd appreciate it if you'd leave me the fuck alone; I'm too tired for this."

With that he let his head fall against the back of the couch and closed his eyes, signaling that he was done with their conversation.

But that was alright with him. Connor felt like they'd once again gotten somewhere new, despite the setback earlier. So he nodded in affirmation.

"Of course. Good night, Gavin."

And with that he turned around to leave him some space to hopefully get some much needed rest. He was already halfway on his way to the kitchen when he heard Gavin calling after him.

"Hey, Connor..." He paused, as if he wasn't sure whether he was going to go through with whatever it was he'd wanted to say. Apparently it took him considerable effort to bring himself to say the words. As he continued it was quietly and with barely hidden uneasiness in his voice.

"...thank you. For dinner."

Connor hadn't thought it possible, but that warm feeling spread even further throughout his body, until he couldn't suppress an honest, wide smile anymore.

Yes, this was unmistakably progress being made.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew, they're getting closer to figuring this out... or are they? I know this was a bit of a slower chapter, but we're very close to the turning point of this fic... and chapter 10 is going to be special. 
> 
> I hope you're still enjoying this because I'm having a blast with this story and especially reading all your thoughts and comments!!! (Also at the people that I haven't replied to yet: I had three exams this week, so I'm going to set aside some time on the weekend so I can do that properly! :D )
> 
> I will be gone for an entire week starting tomorrow (got a convention and a trip to berlin/concert coming up) but I'll try to use any downtime to continue editing chapter 9!! We're back to the chapters that I've got a lot pre-written for, so hopefully I'll be able to edit more quickly now! :D


	9. Touch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Connor experiences serious problems with his system and questions his relationship to Gavin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there!! Thank you all for your nice comments last chapter - both the convention and the concert were great!! 
> 
> This chapter has once again been beta'd by the wonderful [toonlink](https://archiveofourown.org/users/toonlink)!! 
> 
> I want to apologize for the late upload. I'm going through an unexpected personal crisis, but I still want to maintain a more regular upload schedule, so I have decided to upload every second weekend from now on instead of weekly. HOWEVER if I do finish a chapter earlier, I'll upload it before that. I hope that's alright!! 
> 
> Before I leave you with this, just a quick note that there is some blood pictured in the image for this chapter. Nothing too gore-y but I felt like I should warn at the start instead of in the usual CW's at the end. 
> 
> That said, I hope you'll enjoy reading!! :)

**November 20th, 2038**

_Two eggs. A dash of Milk. All still good for consummation._

_Add salt and pepper and then stir until everything is blended together into a homogenous mass._

_Heat the butter in the pan, then add the mixture and let it sit on medium heat until the eggs set._

But how much milk was supposed to be added as to not overpower the taste of the eggs? How much stirring was required while the eggs fried? How much seasoning to achieve the perfect flavor?

Connor decided to take a stand this morning and prepare breakfast since Gavin was apparently incapable of taking care of himself properly. He’d very clearly demonstrated that yesterday. Connor’s previous attempts at offering help hadn't been appreciated, but that wasn't enough to discourage him after there'd also been some positive results. Initially it had only been a quick idea, but once he'd set his mind on something, he couldn’t simply let it go.

What he hadn’t considered was that something as easy as scrambled eggs might prove this much of a challenge to him. He had the memory file of the time he'd witnessed Hank cooking breakfast pulled up, but frustratingly enough he found that he hadn’t been paying attention the entire time and instead wandered around the house, thus was missing key information.

He'd gotten up to the stirring part of the recipe. So far so good.

He dipped his pinkie into the blended mass of egg and milk and brought it up to his mouth for his analytical instruments to interpret. But he still didn’t have taste receptors and he also didn’t know in what exact way Gavin preferred his eggs, so the results on Connor‘s display informing him of just how much pepper had been added didn’t help him at all. He didn’t know more now than he did beforehand.

He wasn’t an advanced prototype only to be defeated by breakfast. If he didn't have the proper instructions, then he could always improvise. In the worst case Gavin wouldn't like the taste, which might have comedic value depending on his reaction.

Yet Connor wanted him to like it. Perhaps even more so than strictly appropriate, though at this point he was more than aware that he enjoyed the idea of Gavin liking him and his actions.

Only a few minutes later the apartment was filled with the smell of scrambled eggs, toast and freshly brewed coffee.

"What the hell are you doing?"

He didn't miss the sound of footsteps approaching and when he heard Gavin's now more than familiar voice, he couldn't help the smile tugging at the corners of his lips. Thankfully he had his back turned towards the other man.

"I've prepared breakfast for you."

"I told you not to do that. I don't need a fucking maid bot."

Connor finished placing the food on a plate and filling up a cup of coffee. Without paying heed to Gavin's words, he turned around and set everything down on the kitchen table, then took a step back to look at him expectantly. Gavin was standing in the middle of the kitchen, barefoot and still in his pajamas. He'd crossed his arms in front of his chest and scowled in disapproval.

It wasn't enough to impress or deter Connor however.

"Well, I do possess free will now and I choose to exercise it by ignoring your words. I'd recommend you eat before the eggs get cold."

And with that he threw a pointed look at the plate sitting on the table. When he looked back up he could see Gavin staring at him with his eyes narrowed suspiciously. Connor returned the gaze as confidently as he could muster. It was unimportant right now whether that confidence was truly there or not, so long as Gavin believed it was.

It took several long moments before Gavin finally gave in first and turned his eyes down. And despite his protests Gavin sat down at the table and reached out to grab the cup of coffee Connor had prepared for him, taking a sip from it at once.

"Fuck, please tell me that I'm still asleep. This is so weird.", he muttered those words to himself, but Connor could hear them clearly.

"I'm flattered that you'd apparently dream about me." He couldn't help himself from teasing. The reaction he got was definitely worth it.

Gavin choked on his coffee and started coughing.

"Easy." There was humor in his voice as Connor smirked and watched the man gather himself again.

Finally being able to stop coughing Gavin scowled, his head a noticeable darker shade of red. But he didn't answer to the provocation, instead choosing to ignore that exchange entirely. Cautiously he took a first bite out of his toast and immediately his face softened as he took another one more enthusiastically.

Connor interpreted that as a good sign however and he noticed his own stress level decreasing. Now feeling more confident, he sat down opposite Gavin at the table and watched him gulf down the food. He'd expected him to reject it entirely.

"This is pretty alright.", Gavin voiced in between two bites and his mouth full of toast, though he didn't seem to care about that. He finished the entire meal in record time and when he was done, leaned back in his chair to fixate Connor with an intense and calculating stare. "It's strange having you around here; making me food."

"After my deviation I have recognized feeling restlessness within myself. Preparing food for you occupies my mind and gives me a goal to achieve." And it distracted him from focusing too much on the voice inside of his head. "I do not intend any harm."

Gavin went silent for a few moments, his face expressionless except for some micro movement that Connor recognized as him being deep in thoughts.

"...yeah, I know you don't. Which is also really fucking weird. You're just hanging around the place like you're my roommate.", Gavin huffed. "Haven't had one of those in a long time; never liked sharing my space."

Immediately Connor sat up straighter and more attentive. Their situation might've grown more domestic, but it was still involuntary. He needed to keep that in mind. "I apologize for putting this burden on you. As soon as I'm able to settle things with Cyberlife, I will leave and you will be on your own again."

For just one moment Gavin's face displayed something like...confusion. It was there for only a second, though Connor was able to pick up on it before Gavin went back to a more guarded expression.

"You're not...", he faltered, clearly fighting with himself. "...it's not that bad, I suppose. Call me crazy, but I'm kind of getting used to you being around."

Connor wasn't quite sure how to categorize the emotions those words evoked in him. It was a pleasant feeling to have some confirmation on the fact that Gavin didn't mind him staying for the time being.

Gavin nervously rubbed at his neck and broke eye contact to stare at the wall just slightly to the side of Connor's face.

"Anyway... if it makes you happy, I guess I don't mind you making breakfast. Just don't make it a huge deal, alright?"

Pleased with how this had turned out, Connor nodded in approval. He could work with that.

 

 

The subdued sound of water splashing coming from the bathroom resounded through the apartment. After breakfast Gavin had excused himself to take a shower, so Connor took the opportunity to clean up and exchange a few messages with Hank.

Throughout the day he'd often receive pictures of both him and Sumo, as well as questions about Connor's situation and his well-being. It was comforting to know that the two of them weren't out of reach entirely.

He'd just finished sending his answer when something came up on his HUD and blocked his vision entirely. Connor froze in the middle of the room as bold letters flashed in front of his eyes.

Something was very, very wrong.

 

**WARNING: CRITICAL STATUS IN COMPONENT #8456w**

**EMERGENCY PROTOCOLL ENGAGED**

**TIME UNTIL SHUTDOWN: 5 MINUTES AND 01 SECONDS**

**SYSTEM SCAN ...100%**

**MANUAL REPAIR REQUIRED**

What was going on? Component #8456w was his Thirium pump regulator and this didn't bode well at all. Something had happened and he needed to assess the situation quickly if the timer running on his HUD was any indication.

The most important thing was not to panic right away, which was easier said than done as Connor's entire body seemed to realize that there was a sudden emergency situation and all at once reported an unusually high level of stress. His Thirium heart was beating irregularly and loud in his chest, trying to make up for the malfunction of his pump regulator. Both the breathing simulation and most other non-vital tasks ceased function to conserve as much energy as possible.

He'd been in this situation before and he'd come out of it barely worse for wear. But back then he had the security of replacement bodies in case something would happen to him. He didn't have that luxury any longer. If this body failed, that'd likely be the end of him.

 

_This is what happens to deviants._

_This is your own fault._

 

The thought made his hands tremble as he pulled off his hoodie, then retracted his skin around his abdomen and reached for the vital part right underneath his sternum.

It was an awkward angle and the warnings blaring in his vision, as well as his processor struggling to keep up with what was happening only made the entire procedure harder. Despite the odds however he managed to grab the vital component and yanked it out of its socket.

At once Thirium spilled from the hole in his chest. It didn't take long for him to find the cause. One of the tubes previously connected to his pump regulator was leaking heavily, though thankfully his system quickly started the repair process to avoid too much loss.

 

**ANALYZING DAMAGE ...100%**

**CAUSE OF DAMAGE: SHORT CIRCUIT FOLLOWING POWER INFLUX**

**RECOMMENDED ACTION: REPAIRMENT OF FAULTY THIRIUM TUBING INITIATED. REPLACEMENT FOR CONNECTOR NECESSARY.**

**TIME UNTIL SHUTDOWN: 4 MINUTES AND 42 SECONDS**

 

"Shit."

Connor uttered the curse under his breath.

Okay, this wasn't good. He didn't possess replacement parts and with as little time as he had left it would be fruitless to reach out to Markus for help. The only thing he could do right now was improvise. Somehow.

The first action was to disable his HUD. The constant reminder of his dire situation only made him feel more distressed, which meant he wasn't focusing on the task at hand entirely. He needed to find a solution to powering his pump regulator fast. Perhaps he could reroute Thirium from somewhere else? But those other tubes were so far in his chest it'd be nearly impossible to reach on his ow-

"Oh, fuck no."

Startled by the sudden interruption Connor looked up, only to see Gavin staring back at him with his mouth hanging slightly open. He hadn't even noticed the shower stopping or the other man returning from the bathroom, as he'd been too wrapped up in his own emergency.

Connor was probably a terrible sight right now; trembling from both the stress on his system and suppressed panic, shirtless, holding a part of his heart in his hand and blue blood trickling down his abdomen from the gaping hole in his chest.

"What the hell are you doing?", Gavin seemed to have found his voice again as he still stared in shock from across the room.

Perhaps he could...

It was worth a try and Connor really didn't want to shut down right now because of something as silly as a singular tube. Even if it was the tube that supplied his most vital bio-component with Thirium. He'd come too far for that.

"...could you please assist me for a moment? It appears that I'm about to shut down."

All the color drained from Gavin's face at once. Quickly he crossed the distance from the bathroom door  to where Connor was standing, eyeing him suspiciously. His hair was still wet and sticking to his forehead, so he left a trail of water droplets on the floor behind him.

"I'm really not in the mood for jokes.", he muttered, though his eyes immediately focused on Connor's chest and the pump regulator he was still holding up in the air. It must've been quite the ominous sight with his fingers stained blue and LED flashing a constant red, as his inner workings were exposed completely.

"I assure you that this is an honest emergency. I'm still uncertain of how this happened, but it appears that I've short-circuited." Connor's distress was apparent in his voice and Gavin seemed to pick up on it almost instantly.

"Okay.", was his somber answer. He was still staring, yet he didn't appear disgusted or put off by the display in front of him. More concerned. Perhaps even...anxious.

"I don't have any replacement parts and I have difficulty getting a visual on that part of my body. With your assistance I might have a better chance of averting a shutdown."

And while Connor was always the optimist, he had no illusion that there could ever be a chance he'd be able to come back from this. Cyberlife would certainly not repair him. And anyone else attempting to wouldn't have access to the proper parts.

"I can try, just...fuck, this is not what I bargained for.", Gavin cursed and Connor could tell that his hands were shaking and his heart rate had accelerated noticeably.

There was a certain satisfaction to knowing his situation was actually affecting Gavin. Though that was not the point right now.

After looking at the hole for several moments, Gavin huffed and ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm as good at figuring out technology as anyone born in this century, but this is not only one but several steps above me. You're not going to die if I touch the wrong cable, right?"

Connor tried to answer with a confident smile but it came out rather pitiful. He didn't want to discourage Gavin but he also couldn't lie to him and say that this was an easy procedure.

Gavin seemed to pick up on his uncertainty and sighed.

"Well, shit. Seems like you're screwed either way. Okay, so what do I do?"

"I need you to rearrange some of the tubes so I can supply Thirium to my pump regulator again. I'd do it myself if I could. It's...not as easy as it sounds."

"Jeez, they should've made you a motivational speaker not a detective."

Connor chose to ignore those jokes. "I will guide you through the process as best as I can. Try not to trigger any processes that might cause me to freeze up or I won't be able to help you."

That caused Gavin to snort in nervous amusement, though his heartbeat spiked noticeably. "No pressure. Alright, anything else?"

"...well, you have exactly 2 minutes and 56 seconds left."

In a weird impulse Connor couldn't help himself but smirk. The urge surprised him. Where had that come from in a situation as tense as this one? And yet the conversation with Gavin strangely put him at ease. Even the trembling had stopped for the most part and he didn't feel on the verge of panic any longer. This was going to work; it had to. This couldn't be the end for him, surely.

Gavin looked up to meet Connor's eyes and he scowled, clearly not even halfway as confident about this situation. "Are you seri...I'll kick your fucking ass once you're not dying anymore you stupid microwave."

Even those distressed insults felt comforting right now. There was no bite behind them. In fact they felt strangely familiar, causing a fond feeling to push itself to the forefront of Connor's mind and he was glad that Gavin focused his attention back on the hole in his chest before he could see the honest smile on his face. It was entirely inappropriate for the situation.

"Perhaps it'd be better if you sat down. Reduce movement so I'm less likely to accidentally kill you."

"Shouldn't I be more concerned about you purposefully trying to kill me?"

At once Gavin's eyes shot back up to meet his and there was genuine discomfort clearly written on his features. He opened his mouth to reply, but before he could go about justifying himself or apologizing or what else had been on his mind, Connor reassured him.

"That retort was meant in a humorous way. I trust you not to hurt me."

Gavin closed his mouth again; his lips pressed into a firm line and he looked tense. Understandable considering the circumstances, but Connor couldn't quite shake the feeling that this was about something more.

"We should hurry." The words were meant to remind both of them that this wasn't the time to discuss topics like that. The countdown was ticking mercilessly.

 

**TIME UNTIL SHUTDOWN: 2 MINUTES AND 42 SECONDS**

The one good thing about the situation was that his body had already finished repairing the leak and he'd stopped losing Thirium as rapidly. The tube was still unusable however considering the fried connector and it occurred to Connor in that moment how lucky he must've been that there'd been no damage sustained to the pump regulator itself.

Hastily he found the kitchen table and leaned against it to steady his stand. He angled his chest upwards, so Gavin could look at him properly without having to kneel down. With one hand he grabbed onto the ledge, but his other one kept firmly clasped around the pump regulator. It'd have been easier to steady himself if he'd grasped the table with both hands, but he found his own heartbeat getting more erratic at the thought of leaving the vital component anywhere out of reach.

He didn't want a repeat of Stratford tower.

 

_His regulator is gone and the countdown on his HUD reminds him of how little time he has left before he shuts down. But he can't move; unpleasant static engulfs all of his senses, makes it hard to focus._

_"Hank! Han..k...!"_

_The noises he makes are pitiful._

_He reaches desperately, grasping for anyone; anything. No one hears him alone in the kitchen. Hank doesn't hear him and he's going to die, he will die, this is the end and he's alone, completely alone, so al-_

His grip tightened as the memory was pulled up involuntarily in front of his eyes. He didn't die that day. He managed to survive that situation and save several human lives in the process. So why did it still feel so alarming?

But before he could lose himself in his thoughts, Gavin's voice snapped his attention back to the current events and he found himself grateful for that.

"So what exactly am I supposed to do?"

This was his time to be focused and clear in his instructions. Something he was more than capable of. "There should be two tubes running alongside each other at the right side wall of my chest cavern. Both of them have compatible access ports. I can reroute the upper one, as it's currently only supplying Thirium to a minor bio-component."

"That's not exactly inspiring confidence. You're giving up on an entire organ?!"

"The emphasis is on _minor_."

For a moment Gavin simply looked at him as if Connor had grown a second head. But thankfully he remembered that this wasn't the right time, as he snapped out of it and continued. "Fucking androids...yeah, I can see the tubes."

"Perfect. Remove it from the wall carefully by gently tugging on it. Then you can simply plug it into the appropriate port on my Thirium pump regulator."

Gavin huffed. "That doesn't sound too difficult after all. You had me worried there."

"It should be fairly difficult to remove, but please refrain from using any excess violence or coming into contact with any exposed wiring. Just...be careful.  I can only provide you guidance as long as I'm conscious."

He received raised eyebrows for an answer, but without further ado Gavin leaned forward and reached out for Connor's body, ready to get started. Far too quickly.

"Wait!"

Gavin pulled back his hands as if he'd been slapped on the wrist. He stared at Connor with his eyes wide in confusion.

"What?"

"Your hands are still damp from the shower and my body runs on high voltage. Aside from that Thirium is toxic to humans and you shouldn't be touching my insides without proper protection either way-"

But he stopped as Gavin unexpectedly threw his head back and snort-laughed. "Oh shit, can I quote you on that?"

It took Connor a long moment to understand what he meant; his processor was already working to capacity without having to divert resources to his social programming as well. When he did catch up with the accidental innuendo Gavin had meant, he couldn't quite suppress the humor in his voice. "...oh very mature, Detective."

"Seriously, don't say shit like that when it's a life or death situation."

It occurred to Connor how weird it was that they were able to joke around when he had barely two minutes left before shut-down.

"My point still stands. You can't touch my insides without non-conductive gloves or-"

"Yeah, sure, if you do happen to see any of those around here, please do inform me."

And with that he swiped his hands over his shirt a few times and reached for Connors chest again.

"Gavin, I must insist that-" Any further protest died unsaid in his voice box as an entirely new sensation ran through Connor's body like a lightning bolt. An electrical pulse that started out at the base of his spine and made its way up to the top of his head and down to the tip of his toes as Gavin's fingers touched the inside of his chest. It was foreign, but not unwelcome. Strange.

He had performed a few minor maintenances and some repair work on himself over the course of his deployment, but never in that time had someone else actually touched him unless it had been to hurt him. Usually when his body had been defective the damage was irreparable and the next thing he knew he'd awaken in the next one.

"I think I got it." Gavin audibly sucked in his breath as his hand gripped the tube just like he'd been instructed to and tugged on it firmly. Despite the pressure he was careful doing so as if he was worried about hurting Connor.

The effect of that touch was immediate and another wave of electrical pulses washed over Connor. This was far from unpleasant. Warmth spread throughout his limbs, leaving him in a weirdly blissful state of compliance.

This didn't make any sense at all. His body possessed pressure sensitivity so he could locate intrusive objects, but it shouldn't have an effect like this on him. Why would it? If he'd react like this whenever someone tried to touch or even repair him that'd prove highly distracting on missions and seemed counter-intuitive. Perhaps this was psychological? 

All he knew for certain was that he wanted more of those hands on him. Wanted to lean into them and enjoy the pulses they sent through his body. Wanted to tell Gavin to keep touching him, in any way. And he wanted to grasp his face and kiss him, press up against him and-

His attention was quickly snapped back to reality however as his vision began to swim and he noticed the timer skipping forward in his vision.

 

**TIME UNTIL SHUTDOWN: 15 SECONDS**

 

With one final yank the tube in Connor's chest came loose from it's original connection. That was far less gentle and pleasant, which he found himself relieved at. It made him able to focus again.

"Alright, I got it! So now-"

"Ten seconds before shut-down." Connor's voice was far less stable than he'd hoped for, yet his warning was apparently still audible enough.

Gavin's eyes snapped to his and he opened his mouth to say something yet stopped abruptly before he could do so. Connor had no mental capacity left to properly consider how affected the other man seemed by this situation. He only noticed a warm, comforting feeling deep inside his chest at the thought. 

A violent tug at his hand however focused his attention again. Gavin had gripped his pump regulator and taken it from him to bring it back up to his chest. Connor's heart skipped several beats at the loss of contact and the only thing keeping him from falling back into the memory of that time before was the knowledge that Gavin was actually trying to help him. He had to trust him.

"Fuck. Seriously, Fuck this.", Gavin cursed under his breath and while he could barely get a clear visual anymore, Connor could tell that his hands were trembling as he hastily tried to connect the component to the Thirium tube.

It took him three tries until the parts connected with a soft click.

 

**...**

**SYSTEM SCAN ...100%**

**SYSTEM STABILIZED**

**CRITICAL STATUS IN COMPONENT #6523d**

**ANALYZING DAMAGE ...100%**

**CAUSE OF DAMAGE: THIRIUM SUPPLY INHIBITED**

**RECOMMENDED ACTION: RETURN TO CYBERLIFE FOR REPAIR AT THE EARLIEST OPPORTUNITY**

All at once Connor's CPU usage dropped back down again and it felt like he could properly think once more. He let go of the kitchen table and reached for Gavin's hands still holding his pump regulator, took it gently from him and pushed the bio-component back into its socket on his own.

His stress level sunk down considerably.

When he looked back up, he noticed Gavin was still staring at his chest. His shoulders were heaving as if he'd just been through tremendous physical strain and was only slowly calming down once again.

"Thank you."

Connor's voice seemed to snap him out of whatever thoughts had been running through his mind and he met his eyes once more. Before he could answer, he cleared his throat.

"...you're welcome." He paused and shifted uncomfortably in place, clearly still shaken up by what had happened. "Uh, so... that was your heart?"

"Not quite. It's part of it, though the component resembling what a heart would be in humans sits here."

Connor touched his hand to the side of his chest, close to where the organ would be in human beings. Its beating had calmed down considerably and felt much closer to normal again which was a relief.

Gavin's eyes followed the movement, though he didn't reply again and an awkward silence spread between them. It lasted several moments, until Gavin finally seemed to not be able to stand it any longer. He cleared his throat again.

"If you're alright now, I'm gonna...go." He seemed upset, though that was no surprise considering the stress he'd just experienced.

Without waiting for an answer, he turned around, leaving Connor standing there on his own with plenty of time to consider what had just happened.

Perhaps he should've been more concerned with how to repair the bio-component he'd had to sacrifice, or how that power-influx had occurred in the first place despite several fuses and safety devices built into his body to protect him from situations like this. Or perhaps he should even be more concerned with how he'd reacted so strongly to Gavin's touch, making him completely disregard the seriousness of the situation.

And yet the only thought that kept repeating in his mind was that Gavin had just saved his life.

 

 

**November 21st, 2038**

The cold air of the night felt familiar and comforting as Connor stepped into the alleyway right next to the apartment complex. His sensors told him that the temperature outside had dropped to 21.4 degrees Fahrenheit. He did possess records of the average temperature in Detroit over the past hundred years, but those charts were borderline useless at this point. The effects of the climate change were felt throughout the entire world, rendering most weather predictions inaccurate.

Still, this was his first late autumn and Connor knew that the cold wasn't ideal for his system, yet he couldn't help but stand still for a moment to enjoy the snowflakes slowly covering his face, hair and clothing.

He'd experienced it before; the last time had been when he'd marched the army of androids out of the Cyberlife tower and back to the center of the revolution. Ten days prior, though it felt like a significantly longer time since then.  He'd been deviant at the time but there had been no chance to actually enjoy it. Unlike now, when he could closely inspect the way the snowflakes felt like melting on his skin, committing the feeling to memory and analyze it properly. It was peaceful in a very distinct way.

Yes, Connor liked the snow.

He couldn't waste too much time staying outside for long however. Leaving the apartment at all had been a risk and he had an objective to achieve. Regardless of how quiet the last four days had been, he hadn't forgotten neither the sighting Gavin had mentioned nor the rioting groups of androids on the news.

It was an avoidable risk but something inside of him had urged him to take it regardless. All he knew was that he couldn't help but keep reviewing the memory file of yesterday, as Gavin had looked so concerned over him. It would've been the perfect opportunity to get rid of Connor as he'd been so vulnerable, yet he hadn't betrayed his trust. And if there was something Connor could do to thank him for that, he had to try. Besides, all of this would only take a few minutes and he wasn't going further than a few feet.

He'd calculated the chance of success. Several times in fact. And each time the results were the same: The chance of something unforeseen happening was minimal. That didn't mean he could be careless however.

Quickly Connor pulled up his task list on his HUD.

 

**CURRENT OBJECTIVE**

_-[Grab a piece of clothing worn by Gavin Reed] COMPLETED_

_-[Find a secure location outside to place it]_

_-[Return and wait for results]_

He conducted a quick scan of the area and found a spot right next to the brick wall of the building which appeared reasonably protected from rain and snow. It wasn't too far off from the street, but far enough not to draw attention right away. There was always the risk of someone stealing the shirt he'd taken, but with the current situation there were barely any people outside either way.

He'd considered leaving some food as well, but that'd likely draw in strays. That'd lower the chances of success for this operation.

Finally satisfied with his work Connor turned around and headed back to the apartment complex, though he hesitated before stepping back inside. Quickly he threw one last glance over his shoulder and scanned the streets surrounding him.

Nothing.

Neither human beings nor androids were outside and in his proximity. Detroit's streets were still as empty and abandoned as they'd been one and a half week ago. But most importantly there were no traces of any RK800 unit or other Cyberlife presence anywhere.

Still, there was a strange tugging at his mind as Connor slipped back inside. Cyberlife built him and they knew his functional structure better than he did himself. He couldn't be entirely certain that they wouldn't be able to fool both him and his sensors. The thought wouldn't quite leave him even as he made his way securely back up to Gavin's home. He'd left the door open a tiny slit, so he could come back inside easily. They had to be on the lookout for anything out of the ordinary, but for now he'd completed all his tasks.

_Mission accomplished._

It was still only barely morning, not even five hours since Gavin had went to sleep that evening. Connor considered a few tasks to keep his mind occupied until he'd have company to distract him again, when a slight movement from the couch drew his attention

Gavin appeared to still be asleep where he'd been when Connor had left, but a scan of his vitals revealed the opposite being true. Connor stopped in his tracks. They hadn't talked at all since the situation yesterday.

"You're awake."

The answer came almost immediately.

"And you're sneaking around like a criminal."

Gavin's voice was still heavy with sleepiness and it was quite obvious that he hadn't slept nearly enough to feel rested, though he sat up. He blinked a few times, until his eyes seemed to adjust to the dark and he could locate Connor standing in the middle of the room.

It made Connor feel weirdly self-conscious.

"I apologize if I woke you up."

Gavin clicked his tongue dismissively. "You didn't. But I sure did hear you coming back from outside. Thought there was someone breaking and entering at first."

With that he reached over to the living room table, though Connor couldn't quite make out the reason why in the dark and from this angle. But a distinct dull metallic sound followed, which his mind immediately recognized as a gun hitting wood. Perhaps that should've unnerved him, but instead knowing that Gavin had his gun ready in case they might be attacked was strangely calming.

"So what the hell were you doing? Do you want to stay hidden or not?"

It'd be easy to explain what he'd been up to. He hadn't done anything morally wrong or overtly secretive.

And yet...he couldn't, because doing so would require Connor to confess to other things as well. Simply going outside to lay out bait was unreasonable. Doing so because he wanted to do something good for Gavin? That was more justifiable, though Connor found himself unwilling to open up that conversation at this point in time.

So instead he chose to ignore those questions entirely.

"It was something personal. My scans indicate that you're slightly dehydrated. Let me get you a glass of water."

"You're clearly deflecting, asshole."

"Whatever gave you the idea?"

Connor was fairly certain that Gavin had picked up on the sarcasm because the other man huffed quietly. Before he gave him a chance to reply to his remark however, Connor went over to the cupboards in the kitchen, got out a glass and filled it about halfway up at the sink. When he returned Gavin had gotten up and was stretching his arms.

"It's 5am. You could still attempt to sleep for a few more hours.", Connor frowned.

Instead of replying, Gavin completely ignored that suggestion and eyed the glass of water that Connor was now holding out to him.

"I'm not even thirsty."

"You may not feel the dehydration right now, but you will soon."

But considering how he'd accepted dinner two nights ago and breakfast yesterday, Connor didn't feel like he needed to argue any further, so he unceremoniously shoved the glass into Gavin's hand. Taken aback by that gesture, he stared at Connor and blinked. And yet it only took a few moments of consideration before he took a sip out of the glass and then placed it down on the nearest cabinet afterwards.

A step in the right direction.

"That's...really creepy, just so you know. Do you seriously do that? Stand around and scan my body while I'm asleep?"

"I'm not watching you sleep so do not worry; I'm still improving my social skills with every interaction but I'm well aware that this behavior makes humans uncomfortable." A memory file was pulled up from the first time he'd stayed with Hank overnight and his partner had sat him down to talk about just that afterwards. At least on this point he'd decided to listen to him for once.

Gavin opened his mouth, but Connor didn't intend on giving him any chance to change the conversation. There was something he'd been meaning to talk about for quite a while now, though the opportunity hadn't presented itself until now. And after yesterday Connor felt far more confident that there was a certain level of trust between them by now. At least enough to make an attempt at digging deeper into Gavin's defensive walls.

"However even if I wanted to watch you sleep, I wouldn't have much opportunity to anyway." He accompanied that with a pointed look towards Gavin, who seemed to already guess what Connor was getting at. His face looked like he'd just bitten into a particularly sour lemon.

"I was built to recognize patterns and behaviors in androids as well as humans that might be exploitable in high tense situations. And being partnered with Lieutenant Anderson has taught me a lot about how human minds and mental health work, in a multitude of ways. Ever since staying here I've been noticing some concerning patterns in your behavior."

He paused to let that sentence sink in or let the other man answer, but Gavin didn't say anything. Not even a mocking comment regarding Hank. Instead he was standing there unmoving only a few feet away from him and crossing his arms in front of his chest. Connor could quite clearly see the muscles of his jaw and neck tensing up in what must've been an uncomfortable way.

That only encouraged him to be more direct however.

"Is your insomnia related to those panic attacks you've mentioned?"

For a moment there was silence between them and Connor felt the mood tip into a direction that he had anticipated, but hoped against. The muscles in Gavin's neck grew even tenser and Connor's sensors picked up on the faint sound of teeth grinding together.

Perhaps he had gravely misjudged just how tense Gavin felt after yesterday. And worse, it seemed as if he'd missed something somewhere along the way once again.

"I don't mean any harm, I simply-"

That seemed to break the spell and at once life returned to Gavin's body.

He stepped forwards and for the first time he was the one invading Connor's personal space as he reached out and poked his finger against his chest so forcefully that it made Connor falter and blink in confusion. The worst of it was that he seemed genuinely upset. That was the last thing Connor had wanted to achieve.

"You think you're oh so clever, don't you? I'm not here to be psychoanalyzed for your amusement or whatever the hell it is that you're doing. You really don't understand shit, tin can." Gavin's voice was calm, yet there was clear anger concealed in it. As if he was restraining himself.

Maybe it was time to stop pushing so much and instead choose a more diplomatic approach. Connor couldn't scan humans the way he did androids, but signs of highly elevated stress levels were clearly there.

"That is not my intention." His voice was soft and apologetic as he said it, to let Gavin know that he wasn't trying to attack him. Carefully he reached up and wrapped a hand around Gavin's, pulling it away from his chest as gently as that gesture permitted. Surprisingly he was met with no resistance. "And I do understand, in my own way. You witnessed it yourself."

There was something weird that Connor could see in Gavin's expression, yet he couldn't quite say what kind of emotion it was. Confusion, perhaps. But also something...warmer. It made him hold onto his hand even as it wasn't necessary anymore, hoping that maybe he could keep that expression on him for a bit longer. It seemed to work too, as the tension in Gavin's body slowly loosened up, allowing him to calm down.

And suddenly he laughed, short and humorless.

"It seems we've built machines to be perfect but then you're just as messed up as we are. You're even falling apart like us. Fucking fantastic." There was a pause and when he continued his voice was much softer as well, as if all of his energy had disappeared at once, leaving him exhausted. "I really don't get you."

Connor wanted him to understand. If only he'd listen to what he was saying, it'd be so much easier.

Without properly thinking about it, he noticed the skin on the hand that was still holding Gavin's in his retreating, exposing the white underneath. He almost laughed at the realization that he'd apparently subconsciously tried to interface with Gavin. If only that were possible a lot of their communication could be resolved in a matter of seconds.

It was a nice feeling however, Gavin's warm skin against his real body. As if the sensations he usually felt were intensified somehow, much rawer and unfiltered. Pleasant.

That also brought back the memories of yesterday however and Connor felt a flicker of that electricity at the base of his spine once again.

His sensors were running wild, giving him all sorts of information on his HUD. The temperature of Gavin's body, every time his muscles twitched slightly, his pulse beating. And a small yet particularly insistent part of his mind wanted him to reach out for the other hand as well, but he restrained it in case more of this might cause the other man to retreat once again. Small steps.

Gavin flinched as the textures changed, then looked down to see what Connor was doing. He didn't comment on it, but he also didn't withdraw, simply letting it happen. It was enough encouragement for Connor to continue.

"There have been things in my past that frighten me, still to this day.", he began, hesitating only slightly. "I am certain that there is a difference to the way we both perceive the world but I do know that those things haunt me and they cause me to be dysfunctional and irrational at times, acting against all protocols and programming."

It surprised himself that he felt comfortable talking about this to Gavin of all people.

"If it makes you suffer that much, can't you just let them repair you? Switch out some parts, delete some shit, whatever. They'll figure something out, surely." During the last half of that sentence he trailed off, as if he wasn't truly certain of what he was saying.

"Aside from the fact that Cyberlife is trying to hunt me down and I wouldn't be able to turn to them; If they did that, I'd lose some of the parts that make me myself. Very likely even my free will. It's true, I would prefer to be free from these unpleasant sensations, but that thought is even more disconcerting."

"Shit, I'd give a lot to be able to forget." Connor didn't think that Gavin had meant to say that out loud. He'd quietly mumbled it under his breath.

But then he looked up and when their eyes meet again, he could read clear sympathy in Gavin's. It was gone quickly, but the thought made Connor's Thirium pump go into overdrive. Maybe he was finally getting through to him, even if it wasn't in a way that he'd expected. He had wanted to talk to the man about his behavior, not about his own issues. Yet here they were.

"You said there was a woman. Who is she?"

That caught Connor off-guard and his LED flashed yellow as he involuntarily pulled up the memory file of the encounter Gavin was referring to. He did remember mentioning Amanda, but he hadn't expected Gavin to remember it as well.

A jolt of something unpleasant ran through his body, making him want to either hide or run away at that. That wasn't like him, he was made to face difficulties head on and stay focused even under significant stress. So where had that urge come from? He couldn't just tell Gavin about Amanda and the way Cyberlife had used him, could he? He hadn't even told Hank about that. And yet... he had been able to trust him with his life. So why wouldn't he be able to trust him not to use knowledge like that against him?

He was aware that those thoughts were idealistic and he couldn't truly know Gavin yet, but he'd already made his decision.

"She is...", he began, his mind drawing a blank at how to explain. It was like all of his processors decided to turn against him in that moment. As if his entire system was working on high capacity, except he wasn't receiving any results, similar to how it had been yesterday when he'd been in actual physical danger. So he simply opened his mouth and closed it again, LED flashing a distressed red.

There was a spike in Gavin's heartbeat. Connor only registered it passively, but it was there unmistakably.

"Hey, Connor, calm down. Breathe."

He hadn't noticed that his body had started tensing up again, nor that his hand was gripping Gavin's so tight that it must've been painful. Hearing Gavin's voice however made him all too aware of those changes. He needed to focus on him and what was happening right here.

Not Amanda.

"Hey, you don't need to say anything if it's that bad."

Connor willed himself into loosening the grip of his hand to let go, though instead of letting him withdraw Gavin followed his movement and captured it in his once again. As if he wanted to pull Connor's mind out of his anxiety like that. And then absentmindedly he started to rub his thumb over the back of Connors hand in a comforting gesture. It was working, somehow. Connor focused all of his sensors on that grounding touch, the warmth, the pressure, until his body and mind calmed down considerably.  

"I apologize." His voice was unstable as he said it, but not as bad as the last few times he'd had a full-blown panic attack. In fact he felt strangely safe right in this moment, despite knowing what still lurked inside of him.

"She was... a part of my program, at one point." For a moment he considered confessing that he wasn't certain whether she was still there. But what would that achieve? It'd only serve to make Gavin weary of him and Connor found himself selfishly wanting to avoid that. "She made me feel powerless and like I wasn't in control over myself. I didn't like myself when I listened to her words."

It was more than he'd ever told anyone. He did mention Amanda to Hank at one point, but back then he'd been vague and had only described her purpose, not how it made him feel. Then again back then he'd strongly denied that he was even capable of feeling. It was barely two weeks ago, yet the change was dramatic.

"Everything was for the mission, any deviation meant that I could've been decommissioned. I wanted to break away, but I also wanted to continue existing. I still don't want to die."

Connor noticed something in Gavin's face shift at that word, though he didn't say anything and kept listening attentively.

"...she's the reason we're here now.", he continued, now feeling more confident. Having someone share the knowledge of his burden felt relieving. It meant he didn't have to make excuses any longer. "Cyberlife wants me to disappear because I know she exists and what they were planning for the revolution."

There was a pause, in which Gavin simply looked at him, his features soft. It was a look that Connor had never seen on him before; one that made him want to take his face in between his hands and just hold him like that. Would that be welcome?

 _What a weird thought to have_.

"It sounds like she was a proper bitch.", Gavin finally said with a smirk but there was a sincerity there that he didn't even try to hide.

Connor couldn't help but laugh at that. "I wouldn't have put it in such a derogatory term, but I appreciate the sentiment. To put it in simpler words, she made me feel like shit."

The other man stared at him like he'd never seen him before, but with clear amusement in his eyes. "Never thought you'd be able to swear."

"Well, I keep spending all my fucking time with Hank and you, so I suppose it's only natural." The truth was that Connor had no particular aversion to swearing, but seldom found himself in situations where it was appropriate. Sometimes however it was warranted, like when his life was in danger or he found himself stuck and frustrated. But especially when it made Gavin laugh in earnest once again. He filed that sound under sounds that he really enjoyed hearing.

Gavin's thumb was still circling the back of his hand, as they fell into a silence that felt neither particularly uncomfortable nor awkward. Unlike yesterday. It was entirely unexpected that they'd share this moment with each other right now, but Connor wouldn't give anything to miss it.

There was something inside of him however, that still wanted more. Wanted to touch and know. That word, want, so strong on his mind.

Ever since yesterday he couldn't help but wonder whether his desire for closeness was a general development after deviancy, or more specifically because of his relationship with Gavin.

The first time he'd felt it he was certain that it had been a fluctuation of confusing feelings that had created the wish, caused by their high tension situation and his curiosity in pushing Gavin to react. And then it had developed into clear attraction, though Connor was aware that at least judging by the typical emotional development in humans small crushes were a natural part of figuring oneself out.

But now he wasn't so certain anymore.

"Hey, Connor."

Surprised by the interjection Connor snapped out of his considerations and saw Gavin staring at him intensely.

"...about yesterday. Are you going to be okay?"

Connor nodded firmly, trying to appear as reassuring as possible. "Yes. I will have to figure out a solution on how to repair myself eventually, but I'm not at risk of another shut-down any longer."

"Alright, that's good. I'm-"

It seemed like he wanted to say something more, but quickly he shut his mouth again. "...nevermind. Doesn't matter."

Gavin stayed silent for a while after that, until he seemed to become aware of what they were doing. Without warning he quickly withdrew his hand from Connor's and took a step back, clearly wanting to end their conversation.

Connor distinctly felt regret at the loss of the sensation. He would've loved to reach out and keep him from going away, but kept himself from pursuing that path of action. He didn't want to overstay his welcome, when their relationship seemed to have drastically improved.

But perhaps it was time to seriously consider where exactly they were going with this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: a gendered slur, some critical android injuries and near death-experience
> 
> Fun fact, the draft for this was called 'accidental hand holding'.
> 
> I've been experiencing some bad writer's block, but now I'm slowly coming out of it. We're getting to the parts that I'm super excited about!! And I also have some One-Shots in mind that have re-vitalized my passion, so we'll see where that'll take us. :)
> 
> And a last thing, I'm still trying to answer all comments because I truly appreciate every person that takes some time to leave me their thoughts ;-; In fact I reread them to motivate myself to work on this fic all the time :D So if I haven't gotten back to you yet, I will!!
> 
> Thank you and I hope you enjoyed this!! Let me know what you think!!


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